Hookup era Hollanov where Shane is just so tired and sleepy but he wants to have sex with Ilya so bad but his thrust are rocking him back and forth and his chest is so warm and Shane’s eyes are closing heavy and only barley fluttering open again. Ilya leans in and is grinding now more than thrusting and whispering all sweet in Shane’s ear “Oh so tired. So sleepy under me. But you still need it don’t you, need me so bad even when barely awake.” And Ilya meant it more as teasing but then Shane is nodding against his shoulder, breathing deep and holding him with this weakening grip and Ilya is feeling a lot more turned on but also a lot more conflicted. It’s too sweet, too intimate, too painful and all Ilya wants is to give in and cuddle Shane so close while he drifts off to the sensation of Ilya fucking him so tenderly, being everything he needs to feel content and relaxed and safe
But for now it’s too much. He finishes them both off quickly, giving Shane a few face pats to keep him awake. It’s not as hot as it was a few moments ago and Shane’s smile has gone from dopey to polite, and Ilya makes the rushed excuse of a shower so he can try to run away from the aching in his heart
When he gets back Shane is out cold, somewhat literally since he didn’t pull the covers up. Ilya gives himself a moment of grace under the guise of being a good hookup and careful cleans Shane with a warm washcloth, lingering a little longer than necessary, and tucking him in properly. Ilya feels his legs freeze under him as his task is now complete, and without thinking too much about it leans down to kiss Shane’s sleeping form, petting his hair as he shifts and sighs
Ilya’s leaves after that, like always, unaware that he’ll eventually get to settle the buzzing in his chest, in both their chests, at a scenic cottage where he’s never expected to leave
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