migraine

LIL: Even if you don't, you know I think you're the best little brother in the world, right?

MARK: I'm your only little brother

MARK: you /have/ to say that

Niamh: You're the best guinea pig I've got 'cause you're totally honest. If somethin's shit, you don't pretend it's good. I love that about you.

Niamh: I've never cared for blowjobs. Givin' them feels weird. Like... I don't know what I'm doing?

MARK: that's cause I don't want someone to hurt your feelings down the line and end up with a black eye cause they hurt you

MARK: at least with me you know I'm not purposely trying to hurt you

MARK: uh

LIL: It doesn't have to be this quick.

LIL: Take your time and we'll figure it out.

LIL: And if I'm un-matchmakable... that's okay too.

MARK: you're not unmatachable li.

MARK: I'll find you someone.

NIAMH: I mean... I've SEEN gay nuts, but I didn't exactly try them.

NIAMH: How do these conversations happen between us, Onion?

NIAMH: I've been wantin' to try my hand at making them. You wanna be a guinea pig for another Niamh Reed Kitchen Adventure?

MARK: still salty

MARK: I mean don't ask me I have no idea

MARK: YES PLEASE

LIL: However soon you come up with someone, I guess? I'll probably catch Sky again tomorrow, ask him if he's game.

LIL: He better be. My bro's a helluva catch.

MARK: oh okay

MARK: wow I was not expecting this to happen this quickly

Niamh: Gay nuts don't sound different from bisexual ones.

Niamh: Those being the only kind of nuts I've tried.

Niamh: Sounds like... you know the rainbow bagel? Have you heard of it? It's supposed to tasty like fruity cereal.

MARK: I suppose they're really not

MARK: I don't know, I'm not completely gay

MARK: I haven't

MARK: I didn't know those were a thing

LIL: So how soon do you think this set-up should be?

MARK: uh

Niamh: Hit me with both of 'em.

MARK: well, the other version is kinda

MARK: salty

LIL: The Powers That Be don't seem to think so.

LIL: Whoever's writing this tv show is moments away from killing off the lesbian. I just know it.

MARK: okay well don't talk like that

LIL: Good. I'm setting this up then.

LIL: Making this happen and all that.

LIL: I don't know what I deserve.

MARK: ...happiness, Li.

Niamh: What would gay nuts taste like?

MARK: uh

LIL: Cute, right?

LIL: And we've talked enough that I feel like I can make this thing happen for you.

LIL: Maybe you two should go on a blind date and I should stay home and listen to my roommate have sex with his husband.

MARK: /very/

MARK: like wow

MARK: holy cow

MARK: no no

Niamh: GAYKIES

Niamh: GAYCAKES

Niamh: DOGAYS

Niamh: Or would that be GAYNUTS

MARK: GAYNUTS

MARK: IT WORKS

MARK: BECAUSE

[Ten minutes later]

LIL: I went a'Insta-stalking. FOR YOU.

LIL: Sky with a dog: https://78.media.tumblr.com/263e20bbd70edc1bf3d618267f02413d/tumblr_pd2f30owbh1vymfc4o2_540.png

LIL: Sky with some ice cream: https://78.media.tumblr.com/9b56b7fd40df98b75e295a2a2c6666ef/tumblr_pd2f30owbh1vymfc4o3_540.png

LIL: Sky with... I don't know. Some kind of weird elephant statue? https://78.media.tumblr.com/d426b54a3f6618c19cadce5820f9dd00/tumblr_pd2f30owbh1vymfc4o1_540.jpg

LIL: The boy is real.

MARK: oh heaven almighty....

MARK: I'm gonna have to find you a serious babe

Niamh: Blech.

Niamh: Not the sisters thing, but boyfriends, girlfriends? My track record's for shit, Onion.

Niamh: Though I do like the idea of producing some queer as fuck cookies for the conservatives of Ohio to shake their heads at.

Niamh: Okay nevermind... I'm doing those too. :P

MARK: oh come on, it'd be cute

MARK: YES

MARK: GAY COOKIES

LIL: I've seen him signing at the pool. Proper signing, not that bullshit where people hope they can get by on two or three letters and making things up.

LIL: HE'S REAL AND HE'S CUTE. I SWEAR!

LIL: His name's... something slightly hippy-dippy.

LIL: Sky. It's Sky.

MARK: And you're /positive/ he's real?

Niamh: Speeeeaking of cupcakes.

Niamh: I'm workin' on new designs.

Niamh: Like stuff I can make for Pi Day and May The Fourth and Talk Like A Pirate Day. Cupcakes and cookies... nerdy stuff. Wanna help brainstorm?

MARK: yes please

MARK: I love coming up with ideas for that