change, adventure, exitement

when she turned 18 years old, she knew exactly who she was and she knew exactly who she wanted to become. A journalist. A designer of a life full of adventures. An admirer of miracles, obsessed with the world, people, nature, art. Highschool finished, 4 years passed by in the fraction of a second. In a few weeks she is turning 23. Sometimes she wonders, where did that  18 year old girl go? She met a man that loves her unconditonally, and she travelled countries, crossed continents, she is studying abroad. Yet, she feels empty. A feeling of lonliness is chasing her every everywhere she goes, paired with deep rooted insecurties.  She moved 3 times in less than 2 years, and she noticed the feeling does not go away, no matter how far she goes.  Soon after her 18th birthday her father passed away. When he left and took a part of her with him. He was never a good father, but she deeply loved him. He drank too much, he came home late. He shouted at her mom, too often, too loud. But she remembers the sunday afternoons when he cooked for her, her mom and her sister. She remembers, a sunny spring day when he showed her how to make risotto with fresh chanterelles and italian parmesan. She remembers the day, 10 years ago, when he allowed her to keep two kittens she found, eventough he never wanted to have pets. Today, when she drinks a glass of wine, she thinks of him. He loved the art of wine-making,  how it pairs with food, how it has the power to create meaningful conversation and moments with friends. Many say, that the death of a close person leaves a wound, but for her his death caused disorientation. She forgot who she is, and who she wants to become.