Amalicious

I want to run to you with words full on my lips, red or purple or clear gloss

Sometimes I get overwhelmed but I am dogged in my continue

I can never fall

Kick a few rocks here and there

My want to rip at chest, bite a neck, etc

I have already gone up

I am already up

I chastise myself for wanting

For desire

For not knowing what do to with it

I look at Eve with a side eye

Why didn’t you ignore the snake

If you want you can train yourself to ignore the snake

You can look at the fruit

And ask yourself

What do I even want it for

And then humanity would not exist

And the way your lover looks at you and smiles would not be

And the way their breath feels in your ear would cease

And you would have made a choice

Let me just write it out here for now, I think the answer will come later

I feel a way about someone I love doing something I don’t like , which is normal right. Only thing is I begin to feel my body swinging the pendulum violently between understanding their reason and making space for my hurt.

I’ve gotten to a point where I accept that not all of my actions can/currently come from a place or selflessness. I want you to tell me your whereabouts because I want to know, I want you to keep me updated because I want to know. I don’t want you to over extend yourself for my sake but I want to see extension or compromises in certain places. I believe I too make compromises for you in certain situations, in fact I must.

I read somewhere on fake friendship balance. Basically where you don’t ask your friend for something because they don’t ask it of you but then that just puts you in a weird tango because you should be able to demand your needs.

I also hate feeling like this because then I’m trying to give a reaction that is true to Myself and not true to my hurt or past hurts.