Batfamily Comm Lines pt.17
Tim: Uncalled for-I was doing him a favor. A favor. I didnāt have to organize the Batcomputer for him-
Dick: *clearly not listening* Mhm. Yeah. āts fucked up.
Tim: *fuming* Doesnāt matter-Iāll show him.
Dick: Wait-*pauses* What are you talking about?
Tim: The contingency plan Batman has for me! You havenāt been listening.
Dick: *defensive* Hey! Iāve been trailing the corrupt police officer. Something that youāre suppose to be helping me with.
Tim: *whining* But he hurt my feelings.
Jason: Whatās up? The kid and I are getting tacos. Whoās down?
Dick: Uh-Give us like 20? Weāre on that corrupt cop case B wanted us to handle. Heās current-oh. Heās fucking terrible. I just watched him not tip that waitress.
Damian: Prior to this exchange, he was still terrible, Grayson. The morgue filled with missing appendages is evidence enough.
Dick: Yeah but itās common fucking sense to tip waitresses. They go through enough-
Tim: *groaning and smacking his head on the rooftop railing*
Jason: Tim-The fuckās up with you?
Dick: Ignore him. Heās just upset that he discovered Bās contingency plan for him.
Tim: He called me the least skillful fighter. Like- LIKE it's my fault that I had the most stable childhood out of all his kids.
Damian: *snickering* You did begin your training rather late in life.
Jason: *laughing* B got one thing right. Thank Fuck. Sometimes I love that old geezer.
Tim: *irritated* Youāre agreeing? The one time you finally agree with him and itās this shit!
Jason: Damian beat the shit outta you when he first came from the desert and he was like 10. I tracked your ass to the Titan Tower and when I caught you, you were so thrown off that you said-mid beating by the way- ' wait wait a second, hold on!'
Dick: *holding back a giggle* Not helping, Hood. Come on-B wrote down many of your wonderful qualities. *irritated* He called me emotional in mine.
Damian: *mumbling* Two points goes to Father.
Jason: My God-Why don't you just ask Bruce to change it or what he fucking means by it? I want tacos already.
Damian: You didn't think to do so, did you?
Tim: *defensive* I was busy-
Jason: *interrupting* Busy moping. You just wanted to complain and gatekeep food from us. I'll fucking shoot you.
Dick: *laughing* It's okay, Timmy. I'll get you some tacos, that'll cheer you up. *swatting noises* Look look-He's exchanging something with that creepy man dressed in black.
Jason: *wheezing* THE PASTOR? THATāS A FUCKING PASTOR-
Dick: No! Itās- *wheezing* I canāt see for shit, Iām going to Hell.
Tim: For fuckās sake. Whenever these two hop on the comm lines, theyāre always giggling. They canāt ever be serious.
Damian: Out of sheer curiosity rather than desperation like Drake over there-
Tim: *sarcastically* Thank you.
Damian: Don't mention it. I have no interest in reading my contingency plan; however, if Father needed to incapacitate us, how do you think he would do so?
Tim: He wouldnāt be able to. Weāre all very different from him with a wide range of abilities and thinking patterns. Even though we trained under him, I donāt think he can force us down.
Damian: Wellā¦I was going to say Drakeās immunocompromised; therefore, Father could simply surround him with petri dishes of Influenza B and the common cold.
Dick and Jason: *cackling*
Tim: Youāre an asshole. Genuinely. I give you the nicest compliment and your takeaway is ā Timās disabled, let the man sneeze on him.ā
Jason: I know you have this weird idolized idea of our family like weāre invincible but you realize that even with all my trainings, I lost to a man with a crow bar, right? Like-Like that was actually kinda fucking embarrassing.
Damian: *cackling* Back in the League, Akhi would lovingly tell me the events of his demise like a bedtime story. He would become frustrated and storm out.
Dick:*concerned* So weāre too good for Goodnight Moon all of a sudden?
Tim: I think Dick would have a good fighting chance. Heās the eldest, he has rapport with B and knows him like the back of his hand.
Dick: Oh hell no. Iām human. Shoot me with a fucking gun. I didnāt think Iād have to spell that out for you.
Dick: I see it. I think Damian could take down Bruce. But not physically. I just think in like an emotional breakdown type of way. Psychological warfare.
Jason: Did I-*wheezing* Damian stole the ashes of Bruceās parents last week.
Jason: You know-Genograms? *wheezing* He had to make one for school and the teacher was like ā Yeah you guys can bring in photos and shit of your grandparents, little knick knacks.ā
Tim: *horrified but laughing* No. Donāt tell me. Why?!
Damian: *grinning audibly* There were no specific instructions.
Jason: Bruce called me after Damian was sent home cause he brought in dead people and was like ā Jason, what the fuck did they teach this kid in the League?ā
Dick: *laughing* Does that give you an answer, Tim?
Tim: Yeah. Just send in Damian to beat B, Iām down.