Welcome to Mama's Library!

I've officially been 90% vegetarian and 75% vegan for about 3 weeks now! It has taken me over a year to get to the point where I'm comfortable in cooking this way and planning my meals / snacks out.  As all you vegans/vegetarians know there is no such thing as fast food for us!  Reading The China Study is really the reason I'm trying to go 99.99% vegan, but as always there are battles in there.  My main battle right now is just trying to figure out what to eat, as I can't eat soy.  So ALL (rather 80%) of vegan alternative food (cheese, yogurt etc) are out of question for me.  I'm grappling with the concept of eating a cup of greek yogurt a day, but also want to see aka "feel" what the difference is for my body.  Already being meat and dairy free most of the time has me much more alert, feeling lighter (even thought I have no clue my before/current weight) and I have almost 0 stomach aches now YAY!

For those considering a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle my suggestions:

Be steadfast in your reasons, they will be questioned even by those that love you dearly (Read: The China Study, Watch: Forks Over Knives, Vegucation)

Transition sloooooooowly (no crash veganing allowed!)

You must have a support group (husband, children, someone that understands and doesn't ask "what do you eat then")

Be prepared to feel SO MUCH HEALTHIER and more in control of your effects on your body and your effects on the earth!

Commit to a life-change, not a fad-diet.  

Make it work for you (note-my daily cup of yogurt, cheese every once-n-awhile and cow milk with my coffee from the coffee shop once a week) and don't feel guilty that you are not 100%, if you choose to go that route.

So, now that Im over what WILL be the biggest hurdle of my life (positive thinking here people), Im off to my life cleanse! The first step was prompted when I found out I should really REALLY avoid soy .... insert sad face here! We used to drink soy milk like babies and were on the way to the vegan lifestyle, but finding healthy soy alternatives has proven challenging.

What has been my saving grace? Whole Foods, which for all of you who are not blessed with the amazing grocery store its like an upgraded Wegmans! WF doesn't accept any product with preservatives, or 'bad' for you chemicals like sulfates! Therefor, searching for these non-soy based alternatives has been so much easier!

The other thing that's come in handy in my way to living a purer life is my phone. I google search items all the time in the store. The other day my son tried an "all natural" mini hot dog (not at Whole Foods). I mentioned the nitrate as an additive and the sales person said the dogs don't have nitrates....hmmmmm. Then when he saw the ingredient he played it off "it's just salt, its not the BAD nitrate"....hmmmmm. So my "I dont want to cause an disturbance in the middle of the grocery store AND in front of my son" threw the minis in the cart. Right before checkout, we googled 'sodium nitrate'.....the first article "...shown to lead to an overwhelming increase in cancers" then next article similar, the next, the same. So the minis went back and I wanted to go back to the man for some education, but time was of an essence.

After a minor melt down from the lil man that wanted pigs in a blanket he saw brie cheese and the frown was turned upside down (who thought I'd develop a gourmet cheese addict out of this process?)

Great organization! The only org that fully supported me and my family through treatment with someone to talk with, insurance information and a grant to help pay for costs!

So, Im having a fundraiser! Go to pamperedchef.biz/tamarab type in Tamara Button for the hosts name and 25% of sales go to the Cancer Society!!!!

Sincere apologies for the huge delay in posting! I've been focusing on getting back to feeling like me, drawing inward, cleaning out etc. I've attacked my diet and returned it to pre-cancer state by donating the comfort and convince foods that simplified life during treatment. I also returned to all natural products....paraben, soy (my type of tumor is fueled by soy) etc free! Its such a relief to be "clean" again and know I am only fueling myself and my family with preservative free, amazing food.

It has been awhile and honestly I have no good excuse other than I've been ENJOYING LIFE!!!!  My last treatment was an Valentines Day (what a great day to remember each year :)!  Everything went without any un-forseen side-effects which is fabulous!  My skin got very, very red in the treatment area and is now peeling off.  In some areas my skin was so affected that it turned dark, dark brown.  It was very tight and painful at times, but I kept applying Aquaphor like a champ.  I wrote Aquaphor regarding donations/supporting radiation patients as I went through over $60 of lotion just during treatment but still have had no answer.  I'll let you know if I do hear from them.

I have officially had 5 radiation treatments! That means 4 more weeks or 20 sessions left. So far its going very well, my only side effect is a feeling like I've been in the sun too long, which I feel during the actual treatment, mild nausea after and being a bit more tired. But what mother isn't tired?

I have an fantastic radiation team that range the spectrum from young to old(er), single mother, family dad, grandmother etc. So, almost anyone can feel like they are part of the extended family while at treatment.

When I get to the treatment center I change while they change the machine to my measurements. Everything from how my forearm is positioned to how my hips are angled and where my but goes is all pre calculated! After Im positioned they put a gel like paper on my breast area, tape it down and cover me with a sheet. Its cold in there! They the 1foot thick door closes and they watch me on a camera. A machineto is over my chest, about 6 inches away and it adjusts all around the right side of my chest all the way from the my back to the chest bone throughout treatment. Im getting a new type of radiation where its concentrated so parts inside the machine move, which I can see, to change the area of concentration.

So far I've calculated that each session is about 16, 10 second does of radiation to different parts of the breast area. During one session I learned that people with blood cancer have to have a special harness made because they get 10-15 minutes of continuous radiation, eventually passing out. Im so thankfully this isn't me, Im not sure I can handle it. My sincere respect goes out to people who endure these treatments, you are true warriors!

No, I have not fallen off the edge of the world and cancer has not gotten the best of me. Rather I have been focusing on myself, family and living a more whole life. Sorry for my absence and especially sorry if this caused concern!

Since I last wrote I have finished chemo...I SURVIVED!!!!!!! It wiped me clean, but Im alive! All of my hair is growing back (even the hair I would rather not....legs, arms, unmentionables... etc) and I am still taking plenty of naps and probally keeping Starbucks in buisness on days not allowing me a nap.

I also had the 2nd round of recostruction surgery which entailed switching from the brest expanders to permanent saline implants. Honestly, the surgery wasn't bad. I was very nervous because the 1st surgery knocked me right on my butt for at least a week. I slept a bit extra after this surgery, but returned to being my normal running around NYC self within 3 days or so. I had drains again from the surgery...UGH (I wouldn't wish these things on anyone...for readers who missed my post about them they are tubes placed in during surgery to drain the excess fluid. They have to be emptied 2x a day and make getting dressed a pain since they add an extra 10lbs of weight, or so it looks, to your stomach). I got them out 10 days later which was anxiety producing for me since last time one had kind of grew in me and hurt a bit when they removed it. Now I have to wear a special bra for 24 hours a day for 8 WEEKS!!!!! This includes New Years! What will I wear to the party we are hosting? I also can't jump, run, trip, fall etc etc etc! The running thing is great and the weight restiction for 8 weeks has me exempt from walking our puppy in 30 degree NYC winter wind (BIG thanks to the hubbie for taking this on :)!!

Whew, seems lil a whirlwind the past 2 months. Many friends and family have made visits to help out and have been great at getting my mind off cancer! I am so blessed to have so many strong and supprotive people around me :)

The 2nd treatment of Taxol went well.  About 5 minutes after Benadry was hooked up I was off to lala land for 4 hours, then came home to go to bed at 8pm!  The Benadryl had such an effect this time that when the nurse was sitting with me for the first 15 minutes of chemo (protocol) I had to apologize for not chatting and go to sleep!  I woke up when the meds were almost done to my husband sitting next to me and a missed call from my son, which brings me to the next point...support.

Without the never ending prayers, wishes, thoughts, donations, cards, facebook messages, tumbler comments, care packages etc I honestly can say I would have a.) given up or b.) needed  A LOT of therapy and support groups!  On top of fighting cancer some really crappy stuff has happened this year, only adding onto the stress of the current situation.  However, family, neighbors, close friends, not so close friends, social media networks and so on are honestly what made me keep it together.  The messages of inspiration and encouragement always came at a time where I thought I was about to loose it, ALWAYS! 

I'm officially done with the "toughest" part of chemo.  My chemo was split into three types of medications.  For the first 4 sessions I was to get AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxin, two combined drugs) and for the last 4 I'm getting T (Taxol). 

Yesterday began my dosing with Taxol.  There are two major possible side effects: Being allergic to the drug which would look like breathing problems, muscle spasms in the back and/or rashes.  Thank God, this didn't happen to me!  They give each patient steroids to take starting 12 hours in advance, steroids right before the treatment and a double dose of Benadryl via IV (precautions, precautions, precautions!).  Also, when the treatment starts the nurse sits with all patients for about 15 minutes.  Because you usually you react within 15 minutes.  I'm not free and clear from this side effect, as people have reacted during the 2nd treatment, but my fingers are crossed.  As I've never had even close to an asthma attack and it scares the crap out of me!  Side effect number two, guaranteed sever flu like body aches for 2 days beginning tomorrow (1 1/2 days after treatment).  The good thing is, if I'm active it does last only 2 days, rather than a week if I stay in bed!