~Come to Mama~

ok so i must sound like a broken record on the going back and forward and self pity thing, but seriously hear me out. i dont have anything else. ive had fanfiction since 2006 and rping from about the same time. thats all ive ever had. ive never had a significant other, hell, i cant even make good friends, ive never moved out of my moms house i cant finish college i cant draw im not picturesque, fanfiction and rping is all i have. and now thats more apparent, now that i havent been rping over these few months. im at a dead end job that barely gives me time to function, and i can go days without a fun, actually engaging conversation. not even my online friends talk to me, not every day. i cant ask them that- i cant expect them to do that. so now, especially since ive stopped writing since like, fucking 2011, rping was all i really had. thats why i was so desperate, or kept asking for attention or kept making all these different fucking accounts, none of which were very good or fleshed out character. im just an asshole looking for validation. so now i keep going back and forward on should i remake an account or remake maman and really, why should i because im just going to set myself up for disappointment. its okay if no one wants to rp with me or talk to me. that should be ok bc rping is about opening up, creating characters and history and storylines and relationships and i just cant do anything. so im digging myself a hole here, where everything is that much worse bc someone might not want to rp with me. and just like before, ill just watch other people on my dashboard get anons or artwork or create these incredible things and then my biggest flaw, comparing myself to others constantly, will kick into hyperdrive. i should not rp anymore. i dont know what i should do. but it shouldnt be this.

Uh... The last two pokemon Ive caught have turned into other pokemon. I had caught a kakuna thats turned into a pidgey and a rattata thats turned into a fearow. Its like they appear as one pokemon right until you catch it, and then when it shows you the resulting info page, its the other pokemon with the same cp. is this happening to anyone else???

Pretty please let me know what I should do. Ive been a few months without rping and ive been stressed to hell. I really need something to look forward to when I get off of work or have off days in which Im home alone. Please vote to let me know which I should do, or which choice people might be more interested in. it’ll just take you a second and would help me out so much....

[humming although its annoyingly hot outside. Its no hell, but its certainly trying and she happens to mind the humidity.] [Oh well, she’ll just keep hanging out at this cafe under this umbrella until the sun calls it quits.]

“What a dreadfully boring day. Why doesn’t anything ever happen anymore? Have we all grown too content with what we’re handed?”

Well I lovs a shit bunch of my accounts, but I did manage to change the email on marianne’s, so thats one saved I guess )