Maladaptive Dreamer Safe Space

Today marks the anniversary of this blog. Honestly, I can’t remember if this blog is three or four years old...either way, this space, and the community I’ve built around it, has been years in the making. I’ve watched the online maladaptive community grow from a few blogs here and there to an international group of people, both on and offline, who know about or have the condition.

That’s why it’s going to be so hard to write this.

For years, I have shared my personal struggles with this site and helped you with your own. However, as some long-time followers might remember, in early 2020, I realized I had, over the course of many months, stopped struggling with maladaptive daydreaming. I was in a much better place in my life: I moved to a new home a thousand miles away, found myself involved with several amazing groups, built a supportive group of friends, and started practicing spirituality. Most importantly, I routinely attended therapy and started taking medication.

The change to my blog as a result of all of this might be noticeable. I’ve been posting fewer memes and personal reflections, and for a while, the only activity on this blog has been me answering asks. While I love helping all of you, after a while, the questions get repetitive and I don’t have new advice to give. (For those of you who don’t know, I have gathered together all of my advice into a hashtag on my profile: “#daydreaming help.” Go there if you want answers to your questions.)

Again, I never mind helping people. It brings me joy to walk people through such a scary and difficult part of their lives. However, I know that the longer I am relatively MaDD-free, the less helpful I’m going to be.

I emotionally detatched from this community months ago, as much as that pains me to admit, and I think it’s time that I formally leave it as well. Like I said, this blog was years in the making, and I’ve had so much fun forming connections and making friendships during my time on this site.

(Tumblr itself, I will admit, has a bit to do with this decision. It’s simply not a social media service that makes me happy anymore. People are constantly attacking each other in bitter, vitriolic ways. There’s no room for intelligent or fair discussion. Not to mention that, at my lowest points, I turned to several communities on here that pushed me to the edge in various ways. I don’t think it’s smart for me, since I’m mentally the healthiest I’ve ever been, to stay here when I know how and where to find triggering content.)

But I don’t believe I have anything left to offer the maladaptive daydreaming community. As of today, this blog will no longer be active.

I want to end this by making a few things crystal clear: maladaptive daydreaming is real. It’s terrible. And it’s going to ebb and flow throughout my consciousness for the rest of my life. I don’t know how to solve your MaDD because I’ve just recently started to understand the complex intertwining of factors that made it possible for me to get better. But please, don’t let anyone convince you that it can’t get better, and don’t let anyone make you think your struggles aren’t real. It sucks, I know, but improvement is possible. You just have to find what works for you. I truly wish you all the best in your personal journeys.

I would try to limit your screen time -- maybe take a break from social media so you're not fueled by the fandom, or even go so far as to temporarily block your favorite celebrities on social media so you're not constantly checking their socials to find new daydreaming material. It's tricky to limit your triggers, but I always suggest doing what needs to be done, even if it feels harsh!

- 🪐

(Side note, that emoji appears on my phone and my computer! You can use it!)

I totally understand this. Maladaptive daydreaming is, after all, a coping mechanism. Our brains develop it for a reason. If you don't feel you are in a good enough space right now to treat your maladaptive daydreaming or your overall mental health, then I would honestly suggest to just hunker down and weather out the storm.

I think, though, that it could be good for you to focus on bettering your overall mental health. That way, your daydreams won't be maladaptive but will instead just be immersive! It's like the best of both worlds.

A common misconception is that getting better from MaDD means no more daydreaming. That’s absolutely not the case! Instead, the goal should be to get rid of daydreaming’s negative influence on your life.

It’s important to know that you are not alone in doing this! Lots of people use real-life people in their maladaptive daydreams and it can cause a lot of discomfort and awkwardness. If you focus on treating your maladaptive daydreaming in general, this problem will probably get a lot better. It might also help to try to incorporate more fictional characters into your daydreams -- are there any pieces of media that you’re a big fan of, that you could take characters from?

its ok to have it ? i mean, should i just hate myself for it?

NO, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it!! So many people struggle with it -- good, kind people who just drew the short straw in life, so to speak. It is terrible, yes, and this disorder can ruin people’s lives, but that does not make the people with those disorders bad people.

It’s okay to feel frustrated at having this disorder. I’m pretty sure we all struggle with those feelings. What’s important is to remember that this excessive daydreaming does not define you as a person.

Anyone who feels guilty for having MaDD, or feels like they’re broken in some way, I really want you to read this message and internalize it: YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING WORTHY OF LOVE, HAPPINESS, AND KINDNESS. You deserve to get better. You deserve to regain control of your life. Being addicted to your daydreams does NOT make you a bad person, nor does it make your life meaningless. You have a rich creativity and your mind is using it to defend you, albeit in a less-than-helpful way.

i really need help. i wish i could stop pacing around. i always do this when im daydreaming.

do you have any advices?

also... do you have any advices to stop daydreaming too much? im doing this all the time and ive been losing all my time and my day:(

sorry if thats too much. my english sucks im brazilian ^^

(Your English is great, you don’t need to feel self-conscious about it at all!!)

I always suggest that you take care of your mental health overall. This will help you with daydreaming. If you have access to any sort of mental health provider (like a therapist) please utilize it!! If you are doing better mentally, you will probably daydream less.

I don’t pace very often while daydreaming so I’m not the best person to give advice on this, but I would suggest buying a fidget toy or finding something that is sort of mindless to do with your hands. That way, you have some repetitive movement to focus on that isn’t pacing and could even be done in public. I know this helps me, but again, I don’t often pace. (If any of my followers have advice, please let us know!!)

Here’s a very basic rundown of a lot of terms you’ll encounter during your research:

Para: the original character you daydream about. Paras get their own term because of how lifelike they seem to the people who created them -- calling them a character doesn’t do them justice.

Paracosm: the imaginary world (either totally made up or based on real-life places) that your para(s) inhabit(s)

Pacing: the act of repetitively walking back and forth as a sort of stim. Most people do this while they can daydream and can pace back and forth for hours while lost in a daydream. If someone is pacing, it usually means they are deeper in a daydream than they would be otherwise.

MaDD/MDD: some people use these acronyms interchangeably, but MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder, so don’t use that one for MaDD. If you are searching outside of Tumblr, spell out “maladaptive daydreaming” or else you will only get results related to “mothers against drunk driving.”

This could be hinting that you are gay or some variation of it, yes, but not necessarily. I daydream about all sorts of couples even though I myself am aromantic bisexual! You don’t have to be gay to have daydreams with gay paras (characters) but daydreams are a good way to understand yourself more and sort of unlock those hidden or ignored parts of yourself. I would suggest really doing some soul-searching outside of your daydreaming to see if you maybe do identify with the LGBTQ+ community. In the meantime, though, daydream without stress -- lots of people daydream about couples whose situation is different from that which they would want in real life :)