She's Burning It Down

 Carter looked at her again, offering her another slight smile, as he was not sure what to say to her. He knew she’d been through a lot, but the last thing he wanted was for her to beat herself up over something that was clearly not being handled very well, “It is fine Mal, honestly.” He said, “I don’t blame you at all, it is like you said been a long couple of years.”

“You’ve always been a really good friend to me.” she said, leaning over to give him a hug. “I know I don’t make it easy, I’ve always been difficult. But I can always count on you.” she said with a small smile. Carter really was her best friend, sometimes she wished she could do more for him after all he had done for her.

“Clearly people just aren’t being as serious about it as they should be, but now they almost have to be. In my opinion.” Mia replied knowing it was impossible to deny something sinister now. 

“That’s true.” Mal said, wondering if in the end this might actually clear things up in the town after all. “There’s not really any way to deny the kind of trouble that’s been happening anymore.” she said with a small sigh. She just wished this change had happened sooner, and maybe they could have found Abby’s killer.

“I’ve gotten a lot of free dinners from people trying to check in on me” he nodded, knowing he was a difficult person to get to talk so his parents also often forced him to dinner to try and see where his head was at. “Don’t think like that- what the hell else am I supposed to think?” he scoffed before shaking his head, “Yeah, I’m not optimistic. I’d rather not keep my hopes up for something that’s not going to happen”

“What can I say, we’re worried and we want to feed you.” she said with a small teasing grin. She frowned at his words, hating that this had all happened to him. “Would it fix things for you, if they came back? Would it be better then?” she asked, wondering if there was still any hope for that. “Because if it would … you shouldn’t give up. They could still be okay.” she tried to assure him. 

He knew everyone was dealing with situations differently and Cas had his own reputation due to his life style amongst other things so he was really the last person to judge Mal. “Sometimes we hurt people even if that’s not our intention. We can’t always prevent that but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You didn’t kill or seriously hurt anyone on purpose so don’t be too hard on yourself.” Cas shrugged slightly at her, hoping she understood where he was coming from, at least to some extend. “Don’t say that! You wouldn’t be our friend if we thought you didn’t deserve it. And you know I don’t have a lot of friends so that should count for something.” He chuckled, trying to cheer her up. “Just give it time and try to talk to him. I guess it’s hard for him to let go but I’m sure you’ll find a solution that works for everyone.” Cas walked over to the fridge to get her beer, before he handed it to her. “Here you go!” 

“You give me too much credit, Cas. I was always the mean girl.” she said. She had been pretty, popular, smart. She had everything before her college years started, and she had well and truly grown up into a spoiled brat, though she had been nicer to those she accepted in her inner circle. She laughed a little at his words, “I claimed you guys as friends when I was like in kindergarten. I don’t think you truly ever had much choice.” she said, knowing she had always been good at getting what she wanted. “Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do.” she said, taking the drink and sipping at it before continuing, “I just want it all to work out. Sometimes I’m not even entirely sure which of us is right about it, but the house is important to us. I just want to do the right thing with it now.”

Dandelion bit her lip, she wasn’t sure what she could do to comfort the other since she didn’t know her that well. “I mean there are lots of people that don’t like people cause they are involved with drugs.” She said carefully once more. She nodded as she listened to the story and felt it was rather complicated, but that seemed to be a thing in this town. A wave of complexity. “I think everyone knows you didn’t want him dead. It’s as you say, awful. We can only hope that whoever did this will get punished.” That these victims get justice.

Mal sighed, “I suppose you’re right. I obviously wasn’t alone in that, a lot of people didn’t like Xavier. I think even more didn’t like Ellery but ... I still feel bad about how obvious I was about it.” she admitted. It was so hard to try to come to terms with her own actions. “I hope that you’re right. I’ve said and done a lot of things, but I would have never wanted any of them to really get hurt, much less die. I just want them to be able to come home now. It’s been way too long.”

“Seems like a fair trade to me” and it really did, the femme needed more friends or more socialising opportunities. She did go out on a daily basis but it didn’t hurt to have more right? Gesturing the way for the other to keep walking Chanel attempted to keep the conversation going, after all the female individual could use the distraction; “So-… entertain me-…” pausing before following up with the line she wanted; “what shows have you been watching lately? And please don’t say The Kardashians”

Mal laughed softly, “You act like there’s been much time for watching anything lately.” she joked before giving a small shrug, “I’ve mostly just been watching old shows on Netflix or Hulu, stuff I know already so I can get things done while it plays if I need to.” she explained, “I’ve been on an ER binge for a while, actually. I never really did see the earliest seasons, but I remember watching the later ones as a kid. It got me interested in medicine, sometimes I wonder if I should have stuck with that plan.”

It wasn’t like Mateo was exactly known for being comforting. And a crying girl was just about the worst occurrence to him. He didn’t know how to deal with that or what to say and usually, he would have just ignored her but it was Mal and she was friends with his best friend - not that he cared but for some reason he stopped in his tracks anyway. “Shit happens, Mal. Don’t dwell on it. “ Teo tried to reassure her in his own weird way. “No one really thought they were. Not even the police and you’d think they’d know better. “ He shrugged at her. “Do you want a drink?” 

Mal took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down as she wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why … I can usually keep myself together better then this. I’ve just been a mess lately.” she said, letting out a shaky sigh. “The police here still haven’t figure out who killed Abby a year and a half ago, they were never very likely to figure this out without bringing a lot more people in. But … I don’t know, they do seem to have hired a few more people lately.” she said, blinking back her tears as she thought about that possibility. “I don’t know. I don’t usually drink much in public but ... maybe this isn’t the time to stick to that rule.”

Cas nodded at her, he knew exactly what she meant. “Yeah I get that! It’s tough on everyone here right now.” He shrugged his shoulders gently, not really sure what else he could say. “You need to do what feels right to you but don’t lose yourself during the process. You have a good heart, Mal. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” He tried to reassure her once more. He had known her for too long to think otherwise. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay! I just wish I knew how to help you feel better.” Casper admitted, sighing slightly as he kept listening to her. “I’m sorry to hear! I hope you’ll come to an agreement soon.” He knew how exhausting family issues could be so he could see where she was coming from. “It’s all good. Do you want a beer or something?”: 

Mal really didn’t know if he was right about her having a good heart, but she couldn’t change the past. All she could try to do now was figure out what the right thing to do was moving forward, and maybe she could find a way to make up for all that she had done. “It helps just to have you listen. Thank you, Cas. You guys have always been really good friends to me, I don’t deserve you.” she said, referring to him and his siblings. “Me too. I want to fix it, but he thinks we should just leave it as it is. I’m sure we’ll figure something out though.”  she said with a small sigh, “I think this time I could go for a beer, yeah.”

Normally when Shawn was headed out to the diner, he’d be going with some of his friends and so he’d smoke something before to get more of an appetite. Admittedly, he hadn’t been that hungry as of lately, and he used smoking to make him hungry enough to eat as much as he should’ve been. But he couldn’t do that when he was seeing his cousin, she would’ve noticed and gone on a long rant about his bad habits.

Shawn walked over to the booth Mal was sitting in, sitting across from her, “What’s the occasion?” he asked when she said she was paying for his food. Not that he was surprised, but usually when one of his family members had him come out to eat with them like this it was because they wanted to talk to him about something or they wanted him to talk. “Uh-..” he paused, not much of a talker. “Well my best friend and exgirlfriend are probably dead so… I’m doing great” he said, sarcastically. “How’re you?”

“I just wanted to check in with you.” she said softly. She knew that she hadn’t really been a good cousin lately. With Abby gone and no siblings of her own, Shawn was the most important thing in the world to her but she was starting to feel like she had really failed him. She was supposed to be the older own, to take care of him, to be his protector … and look at what she had let happen to him on her watch? She hated it.

“Don’t think like that. They could still be okay. I mean, they ah, they said it looked like Xavier had been held for a while. It could have been an accident or something that he even died. The others could still be alive.” she said, hoping that fact might comfort him. She was still trying to figure out what to do to make things better for him, but none of it was easy.

“Well people are taking it seriously now, and hopefully that is enough to stop it from happening again.” Mia replied with a small shrug. Although she doubted that they’d ever get to a point where everyone was actually staying completely safe. “Yeah a lot of people from big cities are used to this stuff.”

“It’s different in a place like this, where these kind of things never happened before. And when there’s so many less people … even if you’re hearing about the same amount of stuff as in a city, it means it’s all happening to a whole lot more of the town.” she said with a sigh.

 Carter nodded his head at her words again. He could tell she was upset, and he didn’t like seeing one of his oldest friends upset. “Me too, but unfortunately I don’t think it is that easy Mal.” He told her, “Wherever they are or whoever has them clearly has an agenda.. I just wish I knew what it was. I am tired of seeing people around here go missing. I just hope you are staying safe. If you ever need me, you know where to find me.”

Mal nodded carefully at her friend’s words. She wished she knew what to say or how to fix this whole thing, but she felt so stuck and helpless right now. Nothing seemed like the right thing to do anymore, the whole world had just gotten too crazy for her to know how to fix. “I’m fine, Carter. I’m sorry for freaking out. It’s just been … a long couple of years, honesty.”

Leyla has felt bad for her. “Are you sure?” She has asked. “Do you need a tissue?” The girl has been crying and she wanted to try to help her. “That’s really sad. I’m sorry! These things shouldn’t happen.” She has told her. Leyla didn’t know what to say. She would have gone crazy if that had happened at home to her friends. “Of course!” Leyla has agreed. “But you didn’t have anything to do with what happened. You can’t take the blame for it.” She has noted. “You couldn’t know. Don’t beat yourself up.”

“That would be nice, thank you.” Mal said, knowing she could use with cleaning herself up just a bit. She couldn’t shake the guilt, no matter what the other said. She knew that she had been cruel, she had hurt people and all she could do now was try to figure out how to make up for it. But still, she couldn’t afford to continue her little public pity party. “It’s just … it’s hard to sit down and look at yourself and realize you’re probably the bad guy in a lot of people’s stories. I haven’t been a good person. I just … need to figure out how to do better.”

With all that happened, Mal hadn’t spent nearly the time that she should have with Shawn and she knew that was something she had to fix. It was awkward to meet him at his house with the way that she and Josh had been fighting lately, but she had asked the younger boy to meet her at the diner for lunch and she hoped they could spend the afternoon together, and maybe she could take Shawn’s mind off of everything that had been happening. All Mal wanted was for him to be safe and happy again, and she hated that she didn’t know how to make that happen.

She had been sitting in the booth for a few minutes, idly looking through the familiar menu when she spotted her cousin and waved him over, pushing a second menu towards him. “My treat.” she assured him. “How have you been doing?” she questioned, knowing that things hadn’t been good, but hoping that maybe he would open up a little. Maybe there was something she could do to help.

He watched her carefully, once she took the tissues to dry her face and Cas couldn’t help but feel bad about not being of more help. Sighing heavily, he folded his hands as he looked over at her again. “Sorry Mal, honestly, I wish I knew what to do or say to make you feel better. “ He offered with an apologetic smile. “It’s not always bad to be a little selfish. It can safe you from a lot of pain and as long as you didn’t deliberately hurt anyone, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.” Cas tried to reassure her. “Trying to do better is always a good way.” He agreed with her, nodding his head slightly. 

“It’s alright, Cas. I’ll be okay. I just … I’m a little overwhelmed.” she admitted, finally succeeding in calming herself. “I think I crossed the line one too many times, lashed out too much. I know I did hurt people. I just … have to figure how to change that now. I don’t want to keep being that person.” she said with a small sigh before leaning back and brushing her hair out of her face. “I’m sorry for falling apart on you. Just … all of this happened, and school has been stressful, and my uncle and I aren’t getting along really, we’ve been fighting about what to do with my grandmother’s house.” she shared, knowing people had to be noticing the tense air between them. “Then I had my little existential crisis … I’m sorry.”

  “I know..” He nodded again. He thought the police weren’t doing a great job, and he had thought so for a while now. Hell the whole town probably did at this point. “I am sorry that they haven’t got any news about Abby yet, Mal.” He told her, pulling her closer to him again, wanting to comfort her to the best of his ability. Carter raised his shoulders gently at her words, “I honestly don’t know Mal.” He said as statistically the chances of them even coming back were slim to none. “I guess all we can do it hope.”

“I know that finding them … it won’t bring her back. But I just want to feel like she got justice, and that it won’t happen again. I want this town to be safe again. For Shawn, and you and your siblings … everyone I care about. I just wish I could snap my fingers and all of this could be over.” she said with a small sigh. 

“Well you know, you are welcome to play dress up any time you like” inviting the other over to her more then amazingly stocked closet that she was proud to own; “And as long as you promise to give them back you can definitely borrow them” eyes drifting down to her shoes to see that they could possibly be similar in shoe size; “Oh my god please-… I need the liquid goo you think is worthy of the title ‘waterproof’” it seemed like a beauty night was instilled for the two of them going forward; “Everyone regrets something in their life, if you didn’t, then you would be a bad person-… but let me ask you something, did you learn something from the error of your ways?”

“I definitely might take you up on that. Shoe borrowing in exchange for makeup tips?” she suggested, happy for the distraction now from her previous thoughts. Chanel was always good at that. At her friends words she paused for a moment before nodding carefully, “I think so.” she said, the problem was that she just had to try to figure out how to fix it. “I know I wouldn’t do any of it again.” she added before letting out a breath, “Alright though, lets get back to distractions. I believe there was talk of donuts?”

“Right,” Sarah said. She was about to slide the drink over to her, momentarily pausing and raising an eyebrow. “You’re twenty-one, right?” She asked, not bothering to ask for an ID. Her boss wasn’t in tonight and she didn’t want to upset the already frazzled girl. “You look like you need to loosen up.” She slid the drink over to her, leaning on the bar as she studied the patron. “I don’t know why you bother with college. Everyone’s gonna end up the same place anyway, why put the stress onto yourself?”

Mal nodded, “I am, thank goodness. Almost twenty-two.” she said. She had never been one for underaged drinking, but this last almost-year … sometimes it was a nice option to take advantage of. “I’m hoping things let up soon and I get a chance for a break. I actually need this degree though for what I want to do. My plan is to go into research, sometimes I still consider maybe going more in a  medical direction for grad school. Usually I don’t the classes it’s just ... been a stressful few weeks.”