honestly who even knows

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

@teaboot

Painted with a FUCKING PALETTE KNIFE?

just bought the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom at Claire’s

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

It's not lost on me that Dol-makjar is a historically orcish city and yet has a governing body consisting entirely of humans. How the hallowed round, the very site of so much orcish suffering, is mearly on a lease to Hal from the sundered houses, trying to corrupt and shape the stories they share there.

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

it is still so funny that the party composition of the schemers table is just 18 charisma, 18 charisma, 18 charisma, murray doing her goddamn best

And Murray doing her goddamn best is always SO CLUTCH!!!

the mexican football team has a 17 yrs old player and one of the funniest outcomes of this is that he cannot appear in any ad for gambling or drinking so he only appears in candy and milk advertisements. his first world cup and he's not even legally allowed to drive. his nickname is "morita" (little berry). he's three apples tall.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

If I'm elected as your president in 2028 I promise to bring back the Western Interior Seaway.

Pretty babies come swim in w ater with big fish water is fine with big fish in come taste interior seaway with big fish

fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d

I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty

I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.