explaining gay ppl

Me, minding my own beeswax: I’ll get a large warm milk please!

Some guy: *under his breath* Warm milk? Get a life.. they don’t even sell that here

Barista: Actually yeah we do sell warm milk, does that bother you?

Some guy: *Rolls eyes* imagine actually drinking that

Me: I don’t have to imagine *grabs my warm milk and takes a good sassy swig*

The guy: *Notices my ace pin* Oh so you’re an aceggot? So you just don’t get laid? That figures

Me: Yup, I’m a proud “aceggot” and that has nothing to do with my preferences in beverages

Woman behind me: Did you seriously just call that person an aceggot? What kind of world are we living in!?

Me: Yep, I’m used to it though.. That’s what you get for being openly asexual it seems!

The guy: I’m literally a gay man and I won’t let you Jesus freak aces shame me for having gay s*x, people like you are hurting my community. I’m gonna go have S*X with my boyfriend

Me: Uhhhh buddy you were the one shaming me for buying warm milk and now you’re shoving the image of s*x down a sex repulsed ace’s throat… Not a good look. And yes, I’m a proud Jesus freak!

Woman: I’ve been an out asexual woman since the 80s and let me tell you, mr. Gay, we have done nothing but further acceptance for your community and carry your community on our backs.

Me: You have the nerve to talk down to an asexual elder? Really?

Barista: *Throws water on the bigoted guy*

Barista: Well… I might lose my job for this but at least I can say it was worth it

Me: *picks up my warm milk and pours it on his head*

Bigot: I HATE ASEXUALS AND ASEXUALITY. YOU ARE NOT EVEN HUMAN.

Me: *loudly and proudly* Another warm milk please, on the house! I think I’m owed it

Barista: You know it!

Homeless Man: There must be a mistake!

Me: No mistake. I can afford to cut back a little. Have a wonderful day.

Homeless Man: (tearing up)

Suddenly, a shrieky little voice rang out. A pasty dude wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora barrelled toward me.

Dipshit: The fuck are you doing??!!!

He yanked the $20 bill from the homeless man’s grip, slicing his fingers on the paper. He stuffed the bloody bill in my face.

Dipshit: No. NO. You worked for this money while he sat on his ass and jerked off. YOU KEEP IT.

He threw the money in my face.

Me: What the fuck is your problem, asshole??

Dipshit: Listen to me, you fucking useless female. I’m from New York City, where the homeless have the decency to try and work for money, whether it’s shining your shoes, cleaning your windshield, or just doing a little dance on the street corner. I once saw a man with one leg hop in a circle for hours to make $6 in change! That’s the difference between a classy homeless person... and a BUM.

Me: Well this is my money. I earned it. I’ll use it any way I like. How do you get your money if you’re so important?

Dipshit: I don’t need a job because my mom gives me money!

A crowd had formed. Everyone was glaring at this scumbag and a few were even cheering me on.

Homeless Man: You want a dance, you little prick?

Everyone turned to see this homeless man rising to his feet. To our amazement, he began to perform a pitch-perfect, Korean style dance.

Homeless Man: Oppa homeless style!

The crowd erupted. We all began to join in the dance, save for Dipshit, who turned bright purple.

Everyone: Op! Op! Op! Oppa homeless style!