Ca·lam·i·ty

 ! L O F T !

Connor Wolf Head Tutorial. 

Materials 

Wire (I used 6mm Galvanized Steel wire that I purchased from Home Depot, but you can use any wire that is sturdy enough to keep it’s shape)

Masking tape

Fake fur

scissors

hot glue

Optional: 

acrylic paint

electric razor

Step 1: I began with a wire base that ended up resembling the shape of a baseball cap, except the lip of the had was shaped like an animal snout. I assembled everything either by wrapping any excess wires together or by wrapping a few, thin strips of masking tape around the joint. (seen in first image)

Step 2: I covered the entire wire cap in masking tape, cutting out holes for the eyes. (seen in image 2)

Step 3: I began covering the cap in the fake fur. When cutting the fake fur, it’s important to not cut the actual FUR. Instead, cut the cloth. I used a comb to part the fur so I could make a clean cut.  I also had to cut a lot of tiny strips of fur so it would sit right on the base cap. (seen in Image 2 and 3)

Step 4: Once the entire cap is covered and everything is glued, you can cut out the long pieces that hang down. I made the two pieces in the front separate from the back, and then connected them above my shoulders with glue later. Step 5: I make a little wolf nose (even though Connor’s wolf hat technically doesn’t have one….) out of sculpty. I baked it, painted it, then glued it on. (unpainted version seen in image 3 and 4)

Step 6: I trimmed a lot of the fur down with an electric razor. (if you want in really short like I did on the front hanging pieces, try to cut a lot off with scissors before you go in with the razor, because you can damage the razor)

Step 7: Paint! I actually ended up dying everything with sharpie dye first, but it was too pale so I had to go back in with acrylic paint. 

Like… This post isn’t about forgetting a name/age because of memory loss, social anxiety or dyslexia. This post is specifically about how Straight Men aren’t involved enough in their kid’s education and well-being. It’s about the inequity of gender roles, and how men aren’t expected to care too much about their children.

We have a concept for this in French: “la charge mentale” (the mental load). It explains how women are expected to do all the chores and to remember everything which is relevant about the children’s development, while the men just… aren’t.

The comic you added  is 100% what is going on.

Clueless dads relying on their wives HAVE NO idea how much of a mental/emotional load  their wives are carrying.  They’re NOT bearing their own ‘‘mental load” when they come into our office and majorly drop the ball regarding their children’s needs.

I’ve been working in schools for several years. Here’s what happens when dads don’t share the mental load:

-We see dads who have no clue who is approved  to pick up their kids from school

-They don’t know if their child  has updated  medications in the health room

-They don’t know how to spell their child’s name/ they don’t know their child’s birthdays when they complete forms

 -They don’t know when IEP meetings are

-They don’t know when parent teacher conferences are.

-Clueless dads  don’t remember to sign field  trip permission slips, so their kids miss field  trips.

-They don’t make appointments, so they forget to pick up their kid from school early and the kid misses their doctor or eye appointment.

Older children often ‘‘fill in the gap’‘ and will pick up the slack for clueless dads in regard to meal prep for younger siblings or getting younger siblings ready for school.

Many wives have said they felt like they’re raising an additional child  because their husbands won’t independently cook/make appointments/ do laundry/ clean unless the wives ASK them to. 

Wives shouldn’t HAVE to ask their husbands to pitch in. They’re exhausted of feeling like they’re nagging/reminding their husbands all the time. 

No, it’s not a memory problem thing. It’s willful ignorance.

They stand back and rely on their wives making all of the appointments, doing all of the childcare, doing all of the home management, cooking, laundry, et cetera.

These guys have partners who CONSTANTLY REMIND THEM, print lists, mark appointments on calendars, or will write down a daily routine when these dads are filling in when their wives are busy.

The dads I’m talking about up there CAN’T BE ARSED WITH INDEPENDENTLY MANAGING THESE THINGS. 

These guys expect to be micromanaged by their wives.

“Oh, but YOU’RE better suited to scheduling!” 

“You made the appointment for the parent teacher conference, right? You know I’m no good at e-mailing teachers!”

“You want me to check in with the health room about our kid’s meds? Why would I need to do that? You handle those things!”

We’ve had a dad DROP OFF THE WRONG KID because he forgot WHICH of his children was the middle school student.  (That high schooler ended up being SUPER late to school! High school starts at 7:30 am and advisory at our school starts at 9:20)

Our office staff had to prevent an unapproved person from picking up a child because the dad didn’t think he HAD to add another relative to the ‘Approved Pick Ups list.  Instead of saying, “Oh, yeah. They’re approved. Let’s add them!”  this guy argued with our office staff because,  “I shouldn’t have to do all that. It’s just my kid’s aunt!”

We’ve had kids come in ask for clothes from our Clothing Closet because “Dad didn’t do our laundry.” 

A very common one is kids bragging about how good their cooking is. Usually the kids are cooking nerds. Unfortunately some of them are the ‘‘designated cooks” when their moms aren’t able to cook dinner. When asked why, they’ve said, “My dad says cooking isn’t his job and I’m better at it anyway.” 

These are often the same children who pick up slack for dad in other ways. These are the kids who wake up early, wake up their little siblings, get their little siblings breakfast, and wait at the bus stop with them before the big kid gets to go to school.   These are kids who do this when dad is home.   “Well, if I didn’t do it, they’d be late all the time.”

HARD FAIL, guys.

As many people have brought up before, a lot of the moms who are managing appointments, meetings, e-mailing teachers, calling the office, taking the kids to the doctor, and managing the household have mental illnesses and/or physical illnesses that make all of the above extremely hard. 

We have many moms come in our office who vent or break down because “I have all of this going on AND I have to manage (mental health/physical health) issues. I’m just so tired!”

Some guys go about it like “Oh! I just didn’t know!” and some guys actively don’t care enough to know.  Some guys let their wives know that “I don’t do that appointment making crap. You do it.”

I’ve had dads tell ME that “Oh, it’s just so hard making appointments and keeping up with all this. Women are just BETTER at this stuff! Like you! You’re so organized.”

“I bet your dad didn’t do this organization crap, amirite?!”

These guys could learn from my dad!

Here are the things my dad would tell all of us:

1) A spouse is a PARTNER. If you want someone to cook, do your laundry, or clean your house, you hire someone to do it.

2) Everyone who lives in the household contributes by doing chores.

3) It is not automatically ONE person’s job to cook. Everyone takes turns cooking because it’s an important life skill.

4) The people who didn’t cook clean up the kitchen.

5) Pick it up even if it isn’t your mess. We don’t want a dirty house.

6) Everyone writes important dates/meetings/appointments on a family calendar (ours is on the fridge). Everyone will then write it in their individual planners.

7) If you’re forgetful, WRITE LISTS.  If it’s a routine, write it in chronological order.

8) Put your keys/wallet/glasses/meds in the same place each day so they don’t get lost.

9) Everyone does laundry. As soon as the laundry basket is full, laundry is done.

10) Say “I Love You” every day to your spouse, your kids, your grandkids, your nieces, nephews, etc.  You never know when you’ll be gone from this earth.**

11) Never demean hard work. When someone is working hard at chores, at home, a paying job, or doing homework— you tell them you appreciate the hard job they’re doing.

12) Be respectful to your family members. Show this respect by being kind, firm when needed, and by keeping your household clean. It’s a team effort to make a household run.

13) My dad was a stay at home dad.  His routine: When you’re in a position to be a stay at home dad: Sweep and Mop the floors every day, do laundry every day, do dishes and wipe out the sink, wash laundry and put it away, dust, be responsible for most of the cooking, make sure all beds are made, make sure to put out kid clothes out the day before school, get kids up, get kids ready for school, get kids breakfast, get kids to school, pick kids up from school, take kids to appointments, vacuum your wife’s car because you care about her and it makes her happy, mow the lawn, and be sure to take some ‘‘me time”.

I’ve handed out so many planners to these dads. Sometimes schools order a bunch of small day planners and I hand them out like candy.

To the guys at work saying, “LOL appointment keeping is a WOMAN’S job!”

Sirs,

One time in class we were talking about abortion and most of the girls talking were pro-choice and it was a generally calm discussion then one of the pro-life boys used the phrase

“if a girl is stupid enough to get herself pregnant in the first place-“