A rat that can think

watch me churn out this essay like its fucking butter (it's gonna take longer than you'd think and I'm gonna be exhausted by the end)

you'll never guess what happened

what happens if i mix Pepto-Bismol and sparkling water?

ya know i’ve done a lot in my life. especially drink wise, i’ve drank water with soggy bread and mustard in it as a dare, i’ve chased cough syrup with orange fanta while i had covid, i’ve put multiple tablespoons of cayenne pepper into half a cup of milk to see if it cuts the spice (it doesn’t) and i’ve played enough truth or dare to have drank soy sauce, cool whip and ketchup and eaten a few dog treats and other animal foods. but nothing. will ever cause me to truly and deeply wish i had never been blessed with a tongue and human curiosity more than just now. i wish that i was an animal in a zoo with a keeper who fed me weighed out pounds of food every day at 7:00AM, 12:00PM and 8:00PM sharp just so i would never have to experience the horrifying experience of the milky pink pepto-bismol mixing with the sparkling water as it turns an unnaturally pink colour that my primal instincts could sense was wrong right before i ignored them and chugged it down like a fucking shot. i think life is beautiful but i think that in doing this i have stained my hands so that everything i will touch from now on will be cursed with the sense that something is deeply wrong with me and i will be left with the knowledge that they’re not wrong.

I’m about to create memes so niche that only I can understand them