♡

I’ve been living with Type 1 Diabetes for 21 years and if I’m being honest, it absolutely sucks! When people hear the word “Diabetic” they automatically assume we can’t have sugar and that as long as we don’t consume it we’re fine. NOT TRUE. Being a Diabetic is so much more than just avoiding things high in sugar. Diabetes is a full time job. Between constantly checking your blood sugar, counting carbs and taking insulin it feels like most of your day is consumed with managing your illness. Over the past 21 years I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety due to my being a Diabetic. When I think of my childhood I think about that piece of cake I wasn’t allowed to have at birthday parties; that Capri Sun I couldn’t drink with my friends at school; that game of Marco Polo I had to miss out on at the local pool because I had to reconnect my insulin pump. I could go on about diabetes related memories from my childhood but I’ll leave it at that. I’ve seen multiple doctors and therapists who all tell me I’m not a Diabetic, I just have Diabetes. And while that may not make the most sense to a normal person, as a diabetic the difference between the two are everything. To this day I still struggle with accepting the fact that I have Diabetes. I feel like it controls every aspect of my life. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt “good” all day. Between the highs and the lows, it seems like I am always sick. Most days I just want to give up. I want to stop all the insulin injections, stop all the finger pricks, stop all the carb counting, stop all the dieting. I just want to eat that piece of cake and not have to worry about how many carbs are in it or how I’m going to feel afterwards. I want to wear a swimsuit without feeling self conscious about all the scars on my stomach and thighs. I want to wear a tank top without somebody asking what’s on my arm (my sensor). I’m sick of doctors appointments, lab work, and pharmacy visits. I’m sick of drinking juice when my blood sugar drops. But most of all I’m sick of being a Diabetic.