Tomato ketchup is a popular condiment, used on everything from french fries to meatloaf. Fans of this red pasty sauce dribble it on almost every food you can think of. Ketchup begins with a combination of organic ingredients. Coagulated blood, urine, cocaine, nutmeg, more cocaine, and rubbing alcohol. As coagulated blood is the base ingredient, workers start the process by using a box cutter to uncover the giant vat of imported gore. After peeling back the biohazard protection cover, one of the workers scoops some out into a cup like ice cream. This part isn’t crucial to the manufacturing process, but it’s a required ritual to keep the gods at bay. Once the lords of the underworld have been appeased, the vat of guts is slowly pushed underneath an air-driven pump, while the machinist eagerly awaits to press a button. (pause) There, he pressed it.
Tentacles above begin to suck out the gore, sending bits of the blood to larger holding tanks located on the other side of the warehouse. Intricate hydraulic piping mashes the former bits of human in a nightmarish way. However, this step readies the base ingredient for the kettle cooking phase. Technicians continuously observe the sadistic stew from above, making sure the mixers properly thin out the crimson mash. Now, it’s time for the cocaine. This particular company uses 100% pure, uncut Colombian cocaine. And they use a whole lot of it. The worker continues to add a lot of cocaina to the mixture until it’s ready for the pee. It can take a fully staffed warehouse over 2 days to fill each bucket with urine, so sewage lines are sometimes used as backup.
The last ingredient is the rubbing alcohol, a critical component to its astringent flavor profile. Meanwhile, the packaging line prepares 100%, non-recycled package for shipping. A bunch of machines do a bunch of things with the bottles, but who’s to say what is actually going on here. They continue down the line until they reach the filling stations. Eight mechanical syringes pump gory mash into the bottles, as the never-ending cycle of horror continues over and over. Some say the echoey screams of the souls inside can be heard as they make their way into their plastic. But the scooping ritual from earlier prevents any actual ghosts from making their way out into the warehouse.
The next machine, a capper, carefully seals the mix of human life and narcotics, insuring there’s an airtight fit on every bottle produced using automated circular belts. Decorative neckbands are sliced and diced on a separate assembly line, which are then slipped over the containers, in what workers affectionately call the Colombian necktie phase. A quick blast of 800 degree steam shrinks the plastic neckband, which is also probably made from non-recycled materials. Friendly-looking labels are printed and affixed to the front and back of the bottles, in an effort to liven up the horror show that comprises the inside of each and every container.
This machine grabs each bottle and sends it to the packaging department, which resembles a ski lift—albeit with more pain, suffering, and hazardous waste. It’s hard to believe there are no actual tomatoes in a ketchup recipe. But this pasty red goop continues to be one of the most popular condiments of all time.
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
pixelskylines
