undead, undead, undead.

Authentic real content from me and my life in the last couple of months.

Moved in to our forever home, raising my child and cats with my love, growing veg as much as possible, choosing colours to paint our walls.

But it wasn't always like that. You guys used to be the first people I would turn to with my thoughts. I am still in contact with a handful of you all, but have lost touch with the majority.

Idk what all these posts I'm making mean or what my intent is with them, I guess I just really miss authenticity.

So, I'll start!

Life update: I battled postpartum depression after having my first child last spring, I have come through the other side of it now but still struggle a bit. Autism diagnosis is underway after mental health professionals who treated my PPD strongly suspected I am autistic, I knew this anyway but it has lead to a greater understanding of myself and is validation I needed.

I have stopped drawing and I hate that I have. I want to make art and create and do so much but do not have the energy or time or drive to. I will create something soon though. I want to get in to sewing garments.

I have like no friends at all irl (see: autism) but many acquaintances.

Being a parent is hard but fun and I'm learning a lot about myself through this chapter of my life.

What else.. ah yes, I have been struggling with feeling like I fit in with the lgbtq community as a bisexual woman who is in a long term relationship with a straight cis man and that has lead me to do a lot of soul searching and reading and searching for community. (Again I think I am really just craving community)

Hmm.. my chronic illnesses have worsened and that's scary but I am managing as best I can.

And yeah. I am still Hana, still the girl who blogged here aged 13. Now my age is backwards, 31. But I'm still here.

That was when it was at it's peak. And when the internet in general was. I miss authenticity and the silly memes and i miss that "cringe" wasn't actually a thing back then. We all behaved "cringe" but it didn't matter because we did it together. I miss youtube videos that weren't deep dives and drama but were fun expressions of creativity and talent, i miss talking to you all and making friends, i miss seeing all of your art and knowing it wasn't AI, I miss reading your thoughts and baring our souls to one another, i miss when it was actually bad to be homophobic and racist and hateful, I miss how for a moment it felt as if we were all moving in the right direction.

Algorithms blah blah blah my dashboard barely contains authentic real content from people I follow any more