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Goal: knowing many languages so that you can ask people if you can pet their dog wherever you are

#livinginChina

A hero goes in to meet a villain. Instead of stroking a cat, a dog lay at the villain’s feet. When the hero enters, the dog barks and greets the hero warmly. Before the villain can launch into his speech about his plans, the dog loving hero starts asking questions about the dog. Instead of becoming mortal enemies, the hero and villain bond over the dog and become best friends.

Way to ruin the surprise, Spanish exclamation points

Everybody expects the Spanish exclamation.

OH MY GOD

Dragons would be impressed that we can create water with our mouths.

Remember when Ethel made Jane stay up until 3AM to pour oil in a hole in the floor & then said “remember you have a math exam tomorrow!!!!” What kind of teacher??

I know I’m still young because when a coworker told me she was pregnant my initial reaction was panic for her before I remembered I was supposed to say congratulations.

If you tell the recipient of a surprise that you have a surprise for them, it’s no longer a surprise. Now it’s a secret. And that’s just terrible.

I wonder how many times in my life I’ve been in life threatening danger without even realizing it

While home for Christmas you flick through Netflix categories late one evening. You find a documentary series about murders who are still presumed to be on the run. Interested, you start binge-watching alone. The third episode in is all about your parents.