Nothing matters! Nothing has any consequence!

It’s been 18 months since I ejected my malignant narcissist abusive ex from my home, and while it’s been a ride, most of it has been fucking amazing and I’m not only healing, but thriving. I filed for divorce in July and everything should be settled by the end of the year. I’m on Chapter 8 of the book I’m writing about my almost three decades of living with a monster, and it’s incredibly empowering to name what happened to me.

Tonight I started re-reading Your Light in the Mist, which I wrote secretly while enduring some of the worst times of my life…writing was the one thing in the world that only belonged to me, and Tumblr was the only place I felt truly safe.

I’m blown the fuck away by Maude…it’s so clear to me now that in so many ways she represented who I was before the ex entered the picture, and who I longed to be again but couldn’t quite grasp the concept of such a thing being possible. I’m reading her words to the hotel desk clerk and I’m like shit, that’s something I’d say, like, exactly that way.

That is who I’ve been the whole time, on the inside. Now it’s just…me. All the time.

I’m free to be me.

And it’s absofuckingloutey glorious.