/ 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐔𝐌

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐑.      magnus fairchild,    uncle   &   father figure aesthetics.  a gift for @maegicks

It was a friend from New York. 

‘  you know what your problem is? i’m too good looking.  ’ ‘  god, what did you have for breakfast this morning? carnation instant bitch?  ’ ‘  oh, is this what we’re gonna do today, we’re gonna fight?  ’ ‘  because you’re breaking up the band, yoko!  ’ ‘  an apple? where’s my candy, you son of a bitch.  ’ ‘  she told me she loves me and then i told her i loved cake…  ’ ‘  how’d you’d like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?  ’ ‘  look, if i could run across the beach into my own arms, i would.  ’ ‘  you know he never liked phones. he said he could hear voices in ‘em.  ’ ‘  when my time comes, i wanna be buried facedown so that anyone who doesn’t like me can kiss my ass.  ’ ‘  you know what your problem is? you’re really cute… so no one ever told you to shut your pie hole.  ’ ‘  god, we are such the… perfect couple?  ’ ‘  you’re cold? well damn, i can’t control the weather!  ’ ‘  the gym, or as i like to call it, the institute of things i can’t do.  ’ ‘  well, i’d like to help but… not as much as i’d like not to.  ’ ‘  don’t put me in your fantasies. i don’t even like being in your real life.  ’ ‘  i don’t like people. i like rock n’ roll, sex, and pizza – in that order.  ’ ‘  i’m not loving anybody that i’m not legally required to.  ’ ‘  and if somebody doesn’t tell me i’m cute in the next five minutes, i’m gonna scream!  ’ ‘  don’t hate me because i’m beautiful.  ’ ‘  i can’t count on much in this crazy world, but i can always count on you.  ’ ‘  i’m going to go out, meet some boys and crush their hearts one by one.  ’ ‘  where zen ends, ass kicking begins.  ’ ‘  you guys are fighting like cats and whores.  ’ ‘  cake is good, but you cannot have sex with cake.  ’ ‘  well, my head says no, but my heart says no.  ’ ‘  the three true branches of the government are military, corporate, and hollywood.  ’ ‘  hey man, if you don’t get caught, everything’s legal.  ’ ‘  yeah, but god didn’t see that. i was in my van, and he can’t see through lead.  ’ ‘  college is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.  ’ ‘  college is for women who don’t want to marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard moron children.  ’ ‘  i was never happy. i was just less pissed off.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i’m alone, i just love to cuddle.  ’ ‘  i have a definite opinion on this… i don’t care.  ’ ‘  when he’s unhappy, i know our relationship is in good shape.  ’ ‘  all right, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass.  ’ ‘  that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.  ’ ‘  we have some breaking news: i’m toasted.  ’ ‘  but i don’t want to go outside. there are people out there.  ’ ‘  oh, please. i’m a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-assed son of a bitch.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not pouting. that would upset our routine. god knows i wouldn’t want to move in a new direction and accidentally slip in a puddle of fun or anything.  ’ ‘  i’ve just decided being sad is a waste of my time.  ’ ‘  he called me ugly on the inside and the outside. i’m sorry, but he’s just wrong about the outside part.  ’ ‘  i don’t really cook much. i just plan on getting by on my looks.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, you just don’t move on from me. i’m like alcohol. you need a twelve-step program to break my smell.  ’ ‘  you know, being here under the stars, sitting on the grass makes me really glad i’m not poor.  ’ ‘  the person i love the most is me!  ’ ‘  i was voted most popular, best legs, and now godmother? what can’t i do?  ’ ‘  why am i alone and all of you less attractive people are happy?  ’ ‘  it’s better to have loved and loss than to be butt ugly.  ’ ‘  okay, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: everyone loves me.  ’ ‘  why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?  ’ ‘  i got a lot of free time. i mainly use it to nap and cry.  ’ ‘  i’ll just curl up in the fetal position and think about pancakes.  ’ ‘  have you been in bed all day?  ’ ‘  last night i only slept like… nine hours.  ’ ‘  i pity you because you’re dumb.  ’ ‘  responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted.  ’ ‘  they want to kill rock n’ roll because they know it makes us horny, man.  ’ ‘  i would love car sex… or just sex… or just a car.  ’ ‘  no, i don’t feel bad. i don’t feel anything.  ’ ‘  man, think about it. we hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends… i live for days like this!  ’ ‘  it’s like we’re too old to trick or treat and too young to die.  ’ ‘  talking isn’t gonna help me, okay? what’s gonna help me is, like, drinking.  ’ ‘  hey, yeah, that’s the worst idea i’ve ever heard!  ’ ‘  i wish i was an octopus.  ’ ‘  thanks, but i’ve gotta go to sleep because i have a big day of misery ahead of me.  ’ ‘  life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you.  ’ ‘  well, for your information, i’m already sorry i was ever born.  ’ ‘  i don’t have a hickey. i was using a curling iron.  ’ ‘  give me a reason why i shouldn’t set you on fire.  ’ ‘  i’m a hottie, you’re a nottie.  ’ ‘  prison is not an option for me, okay? i can’t pee in front of other people.  ’ ‘  man, time really flies when you take two naps a day.  ’ ‘  oh, no. now i have to act normal.  ’ ‘  oh, i just remembered i can’t loan it to you on account of i hate you.  ’ ‘  i’ve been diagnosed with a disease that makes me irresistible to women.  ’ ‘  you know what the best thing god ever did was? boobs.  ’ ‘  i’m like ketchup. i go good on everything!  ’ ‘  when we were about to fool around and i said that i washed my hands, but i really just got done playing with like six dogs.  ’ ‘  there’s a rabbit stuck in a tree and i want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.  ’ ‘  if this is about maturity then i want nothing to do with it.  ’ ‘  a wedding without a trampoline? that’s crazy talk.  ’ ‘  i don’t wanna blink ‘cause i’m afraid to miss even a second of your cuteness.  ’ ‘  you seem normal around your family, but out in the real world, you’re kinda nuts.  ’ ‘  i could get arrested. i could go to girl prison. this freakin’ rocks!  ’ ‘  my parents are fighting all the time and they want me to choose sides, but i can’t because they’re both idiots.  ’ ‘  why would sally sell seashells down by the seashore? i mean, that’s a terrible location for a seashell stand.  ’ ‘  i’m not strong, but i know a lot of ways to destroy men emotionally.  ’ ‘  i don’t have feelings for him. i just hate that bitch for making him happy.  ’ ‘  i’m not jealous, i just want to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room.  ’ ‘  hello, it is me, the object of your desire.  ’ ‘  i’m a beautiful girl with a shrill, demanding voice. i’m pretty hard to ignore.  ’ ‘  a gold digger is what these idiots call a woman who knows that love eventually wears off, but money is forever.  ’ ‘  you see, a more productive use of my time is revenge.  ’ ‘  i cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.  ’ ‘  i don’t answer stupid questions.  ’

make me choose: anonymous & dashokeypokey asked → Clean shaven JDM or stubble JDM?

      the necromancer, 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐄   !  the sacrifice, 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐎𝐗  !  the hearse, 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐔𝐒 !