They did in fact, all get sexier

His Google search history that night:

how long for edible to hit

boston v montreal highlights

ilya rozanov fight compilation

can weed make thoughts gay

can you suck dick and not be gay

tips for sucking dick in not gay way

shane hollander gay rumors

gay hockey players

gay hockey players male

what is rpf

how to delete web history

how to act normal

is it rude to eat a whole pizza at party

ate a whole pizza by myself what do i do

is everybody mad at me

good excuse to leave party

how to fake death and start new life

how to fake death and start new life without hurting moms feelings

how to survive in canadian wilderness

unlikely animal friends canada cute

how to hide crying

too high cannot speak is that normal

how to check i am still alive

get less high quick

can weed cause heart attack should i go to hospital

will hospital tell parents i got high

will hospital send me to jail because i did drugs

prison survival tips

is there hockey in prison

how to avoid prison

can weed kill you

weed overdose

could i be the first person to overdose on weed

is it rude to die at party

how to tell parents sorry for taking edible and dying

is it embarrassing to die from weed gummy

how to die in cool and impressive way

afterlife real or no

how to accept death

what to do in final moments on earth

Shane would definitely have a hard time connecting with Troy at the beginning but then Ilya says something about Shane's food habits when they are ordering food for the team and Troy not only gets offended, but comes to Shane's defense full tilt. "ILYA!!! What the fuck!!Why are you making fun of your man's order. Salmon and brown rice is delicious!!! That's my favorite meal!!!" Then Shane and Troy spend the lunch discussing the benefits of their performance diets and comparing notes on food prepping for optimal fuel value per caloric intake.

Ilya stands by Harris, stunded by Troy's betrayal and wondering if he should be jealous. But he quickly forgets about it when Harris says, "Those two can't possibly have functioning taste buds. Who doesn't like cookies and cream ice cream?" As he hands Ilya a loaded bowl of ice cream.

Then they become couple besties because:

Exhibit A: Harris and Ilya

Loud as fuck, in everyone's business, love yummy food, music and being with friends, and super proud of their queerness.

Exhibit B: Shane and Troy

Obsessed about being at peak performance, not really aware of how hot they are, trauma bonded over stupid shit they've done because of fear of being outted and most importantly, quiet bitches that can tear anyone up in a heart beat.

Exhibit C: Harris and Shane

Media training (They each could have a TedTalk or a podcast), Ottawa because "what do you mean they closed the place that made the good smoothies?" and family because these boys love their families.

Exhibit D: Ilya and Troy

Love for their dogs.

like the way shane was so down to try this out despite it still being a little uncomfy and new because their last sexual experience was SO good. and it IS good! like! it feels good and hot and fun.

because shane thinks they're PLAYING.

like ilya in the bathroom before was softer (still distant, still not the version of himself he was in shane's bed six months ago, but *close*) and nudged him in close and rubbed his fingers along shane's neck and kissed him and teased with him. so like. okay. the want is still there. the Us is still there. he didn't get what he wanted and then no longer had any interest.

which means shane goes into sex being like, "okay. we're trying out a new thing. we checked off vanilla regular sex last time. we're playing a new thing here, and i'm playing, too." (tiny shane smirk when he takes the power back enough to get ilya to give up his power game and fuck him, you will always be famous to me.) and it's good! he's horny as fuck, and ilya being bossy and a little mean is FUN.

BECAUSE he is operating under the idea of Other Ilya being under there, too.

like, okay, no missionary this time. straight to fucking him from behind. but that's okay! ilya did that last time, too, and then he curled up behind shane and snuggled him and kissed him after. he's not kissing shane's shoulders and checking in with him this time, but they're playing! and shane has more experience this time (one (1) time, but hey! counts!), so yeah. of course ilya would be more chill about not asking if he's okay every ten seconds.

but then?? it's over?? and ilya just?? immediately pulls out?? what?? that's not how this goes???

and then ilya sits NEXT to him on the bed?? but doesn't kiss him??? doesn't even??? look at him????

but they're not supposed to be playing anymore??? what happened here???

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

Bruce: ...Clark, that... doesn't change anything. I would know.

_

Seriously speaking, how do you feel about that specific aspect of Clark's characterization?

I think he and Bruce have more in common than he realizes, yeah. Both of them had to reckon with a child they didn’t know about. And for both of them, that child wasn’t a baby — Kon and Damian were both older! Already well on their way to being full adults.

But where they diverge is how they step up. I think it was easier for Bruce in many ways, in that he already had raised kids, already had that infrastructure in place both physically and mentally. And while learning so late about Damian was a betrayal by Talia in many ways, they coparent well from a distance — Damian isn’t caught between them often. They are civil. They both want what’s best for him.

Kon is a slightly different story. He was older, his other dad is Lex Luthor and that relationship is absolutely antagonistic. It’s not a betrayal simply because Clark at no point trusted Lex at all. And despite having the ability to do so…he does not react well, in most canon instances, to Kon’s initial appearance. He panics, he rejects him, and he cannot move past the fact that it happened at all. (Again, depends on the canon). Sometimes he recovers, sometimes it takes a while.

But yeah your point about Bruce above is absolutely spot on — it doesn’t matter how it happened, Clark. It just matters that it did. There’s now a kid depending on you. Like it or not. They’re blameless, too — they had no say in the matter either!

like the way he asked "what is nur-ate-iv?" makes me think man TRULY was not catching all of the words getting tossed at him so fast the second his eyes were even a LITTLE open. like he wasn't asking "what story did you come up with?" he's asking "what word are you even saying to me right now?" man got like 0.2 seconds to be like "oh i'm awake now?" before he was getting PELTED with english because shane had a forty step plan that couldn't wait like. three more hours.

in my heart, shane sleeps like a ROCK and is also non-functional if his sleep schedule is disrupted

but i can’t stop thinking about shane, from the outside, looking at that story and feeling something sharper underneath the sympathy. that she never left his father. that ilya almost certainly got beaten by her husband and she couldn’t stop it. that her dying, and worse, ilya finding her like that, carved something into him so deep it never fully healed. that it didn’t just hurt him once, but rewired the way he thinks about his future, like he’s destined to live out her life or die the way she did, like doom is hereditary. when shane knows it isn’t. when shane knows other futures are possible and ilya is not cursed to repeat anything.

and i think part of that anger is personal. shane grew up with yuna, who would have gone to war for him over literally anything, who was loud and relentless and unembarrassed about protecting her kid. so looking at ilya’s childhood through that lens, through a mother who would have burned the world down to keep her son safe, how could he not feel something twist in his chest about a woman who couldn’t?