my five year plan? read a lot of books. visit museums. walk through woods. stand in a river. adopt a little kitty. drink lemonade while sitting in a rocking chair on my porch.
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@madeofstardust17
my five year plan? read a lot of books. visit museums. walk through woods. stand in a river. adopt a little kitty. drink lemonade while sitting in a rocking chair on my porch.

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The way I burst into laughter when I saw the casting for Troy and Harris.
It's either laughing or crying, they twinkfied our boy.
at one point ilya plays with anya at yunas and davids house and they accidentally throw over some empty pots that have been standing near their shed since he was in their garden the first time and he rushes over bc fuckfuckfuck hes still irrationally scared theyd suddenly turn on him and hate him but thankfully nothings broken but-
theres a pack of cigarettes
and hes just staring at it for a few seconds and then goes "huh" and mentally wiggles his finger at his boyfriends mom bc yuna yuna yuna after all these comments about him smoking tsk
he puts them back and tries to hint here or there that he knows over the next few weeks. it never seems to land.
(those were davids)
(this not once crossed ilyas mind)
(plus yuna now thinks he found the cigarettes in her glove compartment for when the speedo ppl call bc theyre impossible to handle otherwise)
(after yuna simply Not Getting It ilya goes back and puts a note in there that says "hah, found them")
(so david assumes that was yuna and starts hinting at it)
(which makes yuna think ilya ratted her out)
(shane doesnt register any of this going on)
SHANE HOLLANDER WEEK Free choice: Shaney (smiley Shane 💙)
And for the blonde man, perhaps some torture?

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a potential series of comedic events:
the iconic all stars 2017 rozanov-hollander helmet kiss hits the internet
later, rozanov gleefully decides to repeat it when hollander scores in a regular game... against? boston?
what the hell is he doing? that guy is so weird. at least hollander, unflappable as ever, seems to take it in stride and just laughs it off. even rozanov struggles to get under hollander's skin, huh?
("can't i appreciate good hockey?" he says, later, when asked about it. "a beautiful goal is a beautiful goal, even if it is from hollander!")
("does this mean you'll kiss any opposing teammate who scores an impressive enough goal?")
("no ❤️")
rozanov scores against montreal a few minutes later, and holds out his arms to hollander expectantly. hollander's answering 😐 is so iconic it enters several people's reaction image folders once it hits the internet.
the next time hollander scores in this game his teammates are ready. they get there first. back OFF, rozanov. if ANYONE is going to kiss hollander for that beautiful goal, it's US.
all five teammates on the ice with hollander pass him around to take turns smooching his head while rozanov loudly protests he should also be allowed to have a turn and gets laughed off.
shane hollander would just like to know how he got here? why is this happening to him exactly? hello?
unfortunately for shane hollander, he gets a hat trick this game, which means the metros new tradition of "linemates, defensemen, and the goalie all have to pass hollander around for kisses" is cemented. he's not getting out of this now.
it continues on into other games. it's just a thing now. it's popular with the fans, and it always makes hollander laugh and roll his eyes, and everyone loves when a camera manages to get a close up of shane hollander (the most beautiful man in the entire league) laughing.
("jaaane i didn't mean for this to happen. i don't want to see all these other men kissing you 😭😭😭😭")
("You did this. I have no sympathy. This is directly your fault.")
("this is u right now isnt it 😾😾😾")
("Fuck off.")
the people of montreal really love this bit. not only are the crowds blowing hollander kisses every time he scores in a home game, but also he's getting ribbed about it during post-game press. Everyone Loves Cap Kissy Time
it becomes something of a montreal local meme. every time something good happens (nailed a job interview? got a promotion? got back a straight-A report card?) you have to blow a kiss to the centre bell. for captain hollander.
this is all well and good until the day they just barely lose a game to boston in overtime. and then rozanov turns to blow a kiss across the ice to hollander.
That's It. Shane Is Gonna Fucking Kill Him
A compilation of inherently BOY things I think Ilya does during his first time at the cottage that fundamentally ruin his cool-guy image for Shane in the most endearing way possible:
- Ilya’s first sunburn, which is Very Bad. His are all cheeks all flushed and he’s walking funny and hissing through his teeth as he pushes on the reddened skin as it turns yellow. He yelps any time Shane tries to touch it, which is all the time because it’s funny and also because he likes touching Ilya.
- Shane catches a little sunfish off the end of the dock and puts it in a bucket full of water and Ilya sits in a Slavic squat in front of that bucket for hours on the dock watching the fish swim around. He’s sticking his hand in there to try and touch it and making embarrassing noises and jerking his hand away when he does manage to brush a finger along the scales. Until Shane tells him it needs to be released at some point and then Ilya is insisting on being the one to do it.
- Utterly failing at water skiing, with Shane trying to give tips while David drives the boat. Full on face of water, sputtering eating-shit so many times but insisting on going again, because Shane can do it so Ilya will do it too.
- Not tying up his shorts tight enough the first time David takes them tubing (despite his calm demeanour, once David has a tube behind his boat he drives like a maniac) and Ilya almost loses his shorts, white booty out. Shane can’t help but smack his ass and cackle as Ilya tries desperately to hold onto the tube handle with one hand and his shorts (that are around his knees) with the other while they continue to fly across the water.
- Ilya trying to dive off the dock in a life jacket because Shane told him it was impossible and now of course he has to try.
- Ilya in a life jacket in general.
- Ilya with a mosquito bite. Itching itching itching while Shane slaps at his hands and tells him to stop. It’s gets all red and raised bump, and Ilya’s kind of self conscious but he still can’t stop scratching and cursing mosquitos as he does. But then Shane’s pressing a careful thumbnail into an X over the bite and Ilya’s fascinated by another way he can be close to Shane.
- Ilya on the dock, on his stomach watching a spider eat a bug in its web for an undetermined amount of time. He’s narrating for Shane with a slightly disgusted but fascinated tinge to his voice who is suntanning beside him, sunglasses on.
- Ilya in the marsh trying to catch a frog after David explains how Shane used to do it all the time. He’s finally got one, calling Shane’s name with so much excitement and a frog cupped between his hands. Of course it’s the largest fugliest frog in the marsh so then they’re both crouched down, staring into Ilya cupped palms arguing about whether or not the frog is cute (Ilya says it is, Shane says it’s ugly)
- Ilya with a leech from the marsh stuck onto his ankle. He’s actually Losing His Shit about this one. freaky, disgusting, Canadian blood sucker. Why the fuck would they even have these things in the lake. Shane has to pull it off. Obviously he lets Ilya chase him around the property throwing his ankle towards Shane screaming “get it off, Shane! Get it off!” before he has Ilya sit on a sun chair and performs leech surgery on his ankle while Ilya whimpers (non-sexily).
Sincerely, someone who grew up with a Canadian family cottage.
shane doesn’t have anything against pet names in a relationship, he just doesn’t see himself using them, especially not baby, but one day over the summer they’re both hiking up a small mountain and through the woods, and ilya tries taking a shortcut that is actually riddled with briars, and his legs get all cut up and he ends up with some thorns stuck in his skin
ilya is whining about it as he takes a seat on a big rock, he’s got tiny pricks of blood and little scrapes all over his legs and he is absolutely making it shane’s problem
and shane scoffs a laugh as he kneels down to pry out as many tiny thorns as he can and says “baby” under his breath, and the thing is that he meant it to be making fun of ilya, but it just comes out so fond and enamored that it sounds genuine
and suddenly ilya is looking down at him with saucer eyes and the bulge in his shorts is growing, and suddenly there’s a hand in shane’s hair and shane’s mouth is watering
so yeah, sue him if he starts calling ilya baby more often
So does anyone wanna hear about the specific moment in my Irina lives au where during the peak of hollanovs situationship, Irina calls Ilya in the dead of night while Shane is still in the hotel, post-fuck and all warm and lazy with it, except not anymore because Ilya is jumping up and off the bed the second he sees the caller ID and walking into the bathroom and shutting the door, but it's not enough to muffle the conversation, and shane can't speak russian but hysterical sobbing is pretty unambiguous in any language, plus Ilya keeps saying Mama, in a strained, soothing voice, which is equally unequivocal, and Shane is just lying in bed staring at the ceiling, still tacky with cum and sweat, frozen, while Ilya is in the other room clearly talking his mother through some kind of episode and holy shit what does shane do??? Does he leave??? Surely he can't leave.
And when Ilya opens the bathroom door, Shane gets a glimpse of his exhausted face - not the look of someone experiencing a big shock, but rather someone in the aftermath of a very familiar battle, Sisyphus walking back down the mountain to fetch his rock - before Ilya spots Shane, still on the bed, and the expression is gone, something hard in its place. Why are you still here? Ilya says and it's cold and mean and full of sneering disdain and the Shane of twenty minutes ago probably would have flinched, would have been upset and humiliated to be spoken to in that way, would have walked right out the door. But the Shane of twenty minutes ago didn't just get a harrowing look at the great bleeding gash that is clearly Ilya's home life, so instead he lets the sheets fall from his still naked body and says I needed a shower, asshole, like everything's the same. And when he brushes past Ilya to step into the bathroom he thinks he manages to look unbothered, unmoved, like someone who didn't just overhear something intensely private, probably. Maybe.
And once Shane has the water running hot, steam fogging up the glass, the mirror above the jack and jill sinks, Shane doesn't turn around when Ilya steps in behind him. Shane doesn't turn around when big broad arms wrap around him from behind, or when he feels a forehead press against his shoulder. He doesn't think about how the body behind him feels like it's collapsing. He just firms his stance and holds up the weight. And when they step out the shower to dry off and Ilya's face is wet, well. Of course it is. They were just in the shower.
They don't talk about it until they're at the cottage years later
I would like for us to consider the way Shane probably crashes hard after each season.
I was that student in school who went overboard every semester. I’m talking color-coded notes, binders on binders of prep for exams, overly prepared for every contingency on the final. I earned my A’s, damnit. So when that last exam was done, the grades were in, and I could relax? Baby, I was down and out for at least a few days. Don’t call me or beep me if you wanna reach me. My phone is off. My leg’s half off the bed. My bonnet done came off—it’s halfway across the room. My mom has to wake me up to drink some water. I barely speak English. Huh? What? No sé. Je ne sais pas. I can’t do the words right now.
Whether the Cup is won or not, the end of the season is Shane’s equivalent of that last final exam. The months-long adrenaline rush is over. Pencils down, hit “submit,” you’re out of time. Shane’s always aiming for the A+ but time’s up, regardless of the grade. He can rest. He needs to rest.
Every year, Shane powers through an hour of his team’s post-season celebration before his eyelids start to droop. The physical, mental, social, and emotional pressures of the year have evaporated in an instant and fuck, how long has he been this exhausted? He goes back to his hotel room, gets a quick nap in, then makes his way to his parents’ place.
That’s when his strings get cut and he just drops.
The moment he’s through the door, he hugs his dad, kisses his mom on the cheek, then heads straight for his childhood bedroom and faceplants into familiar navy blue sheets. He’s out like a light before he hits the pillow. Yuna waits 5 minutes before she comes in to gently take his shoes off, plug his phone in on the dresser, and pull the blankets up to his chin. She tousles his hair and smiles at the way he nuzzles into her hand before she pulls away.
Shane’s dead to the world until dinner. He stumbles out of his room with one sock on, one arm out of his shirt, and eyes half unfocused. Nobody says anything; it’s pointless. Shane’s lost all ability to speak coherently. Any attempts at conversation will be met with gibberish. He’s physically exhausted and mentally fried. Cannot people right now. Try again later, please and thank you.
He allows David to guide him to the table and plops into his seat, blinking owlishly as Yuna sets a plate in front of him. He has to eat with his chin propped up on one hand, to avoid faceplanting into hot food. He can and has fallen asleep in his dinner before without so much as flinching.
David unapologetically takes advantage of the situation every year by making a carb-heavy dish. It’s usually pasta. He knows Yuna will back him up and give Shane seconds. And instead of arguing or making a face, Shane will eat every bite. He’s on autopilot and simply fulfilling basic bodily functions to address hungry-tired-thirsty-sleepy-feed me-take care of me as efficiently as possible.
After he clears his plate (at least twice), Shane smacks his lips and cringes. Good God, his mouth tastes like lasagna and death. Has he brushed his teeth today? He wordlessly makes his way to the bathroom and finds everything set up for a quick routine. Brush, pee, shower, brush again because he forgot he already did. If he has a quick cry, muffled by the shower, nobody says anything. Nothing’s wrong, but the emotional release is very much needed. Retainer in, stare at reflection in mirror for a bit, and right back to bed.
David comes in around midnight to leave a glass of water on the nightstand. He takes his turn to ruffle Shane’s hair and laughs softly at the muffled nonsense he gets in return. Realistically, Shane’s training unicorns to ballroom dance in his dreams and murmuring about their godawful adherence to accepted waltz standards with half the blanket in his mouth. David chooses to take that as “love you, Dad, thank you for tolerating me in my zombie state.”
When Shane wakes up the next afternoon, he accepts a cup of coffee, then looks blearily up at Yuna and utters the first words he’s consciously strung together since arriving the morning before. Usually, Yuna and David take bets on whether it’ll actually make sense. Last year it was: “Why is…cookies and cheese?” The year before was “I have no idea where dogs lie in keyboards for boats.” He always looks at them in confusion when they don’t answer, then chugs the rest of his coffee before putting his head down and napping a bit more.
This year, with Ilya still asleep in the navy blue sheets down the hall, dead to the world and snoring like a freight train, Shane comes up with something different.
“We have…tea for Ilya?”
David blinks. That’s…surprisingly coherent. Also, tea?
“Um,” Yuna responds. “We have green tea.”
“Mmm…no,” Shane yawns, jaw clicking as his mouth opens as wide as possible. “No caffeine in off-season. He gets…mm. No.”
None of them have noticed that the snoring’s stopped. As if on cue, Ilya stumbles into the kitchen—curls flat on one side of his head, eyes barely open, and creases from the sheets imprinted on his face and chest. His sweatpants are on backwards, but it’s highly unlikely he notices.
Yuna and David have a silent conversation as Ilya plops himself into Shane’s lap, grabs his coffee, takes a sip, and makes a face like someone just insulted his mother. He whines pitifully and flops back into Shane, who buries his face in Ilya’s neck and promptly falls asleep again.
“This is too cute,” David says with his eyes. “They’re like drunk toddlers.”
Yuna nods jerkily toward the table at their cell phones. “Take a picture, take a picture!”

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I love confident smart competent Svetlana, but I do also need her to be a little bit pathetic and for a big part of her friendship with Ilya to be them lamenting how shit they are at relationships
Svetlana: RED ALERT
Svetlana: GENERATIONAL FUMBLE
Ilya: You asked about their favorite hockey team and then spent fifteen minutes roasting it didn’t you
Svetlana: I thought it was friendly banter and then he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back
Ilya: It’s not banter if you’re the only one talking and he’s sitting there silently weeping into his Bud Light
Svetlana: Remember when you told Jane how much you liked fucking me while trying to lock it down?
Ilya: 🖕😘
Svetlana: 🖕😘
🥹 Heated Rivalry | 1.06
an idea of a faking dating au where shane bored as fuck thought it would be hilarious to sign up to a contest so he could win an all inclusive vacation to bahamas. the thing is the contest is for newlyweds only and shane is chronically single, so he goes to his best friends house rose landry to ask her if she’s willing to pretend to be married to him, but as he arrive he notice that she has guests and one of them is an ex teammate, ilya, from college that he’s absolutely despises and he tries to talk with rose privately but the guy pester shane the whole time and he overhears shane talking to rose about the contest and offer himself to go with shane cus rose can’t go and she’s already planing a vacation with her girlfriend, svetlana. shane refuses ilya’s offer but ilya comes with “i already offered, you will not find someone willing to do this with you, is crazy thing yes? i think it could be fun” so shane accepts and take ilya with him. when they arrive the resort, they discover that it’s a really well documented contest for a very famous brand and they really have to commit to the bit and pretend hard to be truly in love. but do they need to pretend to be in love or they’re already half way there?
I love Wyatt Hayes and I love that the no 1 thing we know about him is that he's a nice fucking guy. He's friendly, he's outgoing, he's helpful! He's just so freaking nice. He decides to befriend Ryan, he decides to befriend Ilya, he does NOT take no for an answer. You WILL be his friend. I love him so much.
I was just thinking about this, bc reading the Game Changers series, you notice EVERYONE loves Wyatt. Ryan. J.J. Ilya. Troy.
Every single person who plays with him only has nice things to say. He is the Dick Grayson of the Game Changers universe and I am so jealous of Dr. Lisa Hayes.

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Love AUs where Shane and Ilya both get drafted to Boston or Shane gets traded to Boston soon after his career starts like absolutely phenomenal stuff I am eatting it up and licking the plate clean
But what about fics were Ilya gets traded or drafted to Montreal and they play together? Give them more bad times, Ilya getting a better taste of why Shane is so terrified of coming out and so prickly about his team because Ilya gets the experience of how the team sucks.
Maybe they are dicks to Ilya, saying absolutely heinous things and not willing to work with him due to some animosity from him playing for Boston. Or maybe they like Ilya, more then they ever liked Shane, and Ilya gets in the secondary or third group chats that talk shit about Shane and hears the terrible weird and cruel shit they say about Shane behind his back and about other players
Instead of being traded to Boston becoming a blessing in disguise have them play for Montreal and it makes it a different kind of hell for them
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