some “shit my friends and i have actually said to each other while under the influence” prompts
“I’m gonna hold you like this for the next 18 hours, how does that sound?"
“You smell like watermelon and happiness.”
“I wanna rub my face in his neck and purr a little.”
“Some days I’m the tramp, some days I’m the final girl. That’s life.”
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE A LOYAL HO.”
"Yeah, two very different definitions of ‘like’: you turn them into snake people, and I bone them.”
“Cake balls, areoli; it’s a logical conclusion.”
“I’m glad that we have similar feelings about punctuation.”
“This old man, who looked like a goat got a wish and turned human.”
“The evening took a turn when a cute little old lady gave us detailed instructions on how to murder starfish.”
“My goal in life is to be the softest human.”
“I had an ancestor who couldn’t be picked up unless she wanted to and that’s how she got married.”
“This is a disaster—I can’t fight for queer dignity without caffeine.”
“I’m not a person who gets outraged over crack. I love crack, but . . .”
“My grandmother has the eyes of a hawk, especially after her cataract surgery.”
“I’m gonna make it a stipulation that someone has to carry my remains into my own funeral 20 minutes late, if only for consistency’s sake.”
“We all have at least one really embarrassing Johnny Depp character crush.”
“All I wanted was for you to touch your socked feet to my bare ones.”
“Two worlds, one Phil Collins.”
“When I’m dating someone you’d never know we were dating because in public, we look like strangers.”
“Of course she’s a witch; she’s in a chariot pulled by goats!”
“I sit next to emergency exits because I’m a hero.”
“I can barely deal with other people, how am I gonna deal with bees?”
“I don’t share chocolate well, I’ll admit that.”
“She sang to me while you were peeing, it was very stressful.”
“Every time I see soy milk I just think it’s introducing itself in Spanish.”
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