Mayhem&Madness

Dealing with toxicity – quick notes

To not engage where you are unwanted is hard. It takes self control and it takes strength. It also takes numerous pep talks to self. You have to keep telling yourself that just because someone does not want you doesn’t make you useless. You have value, you are worthy. That they don’t recognize your worth is not something you can fix.  This becomes a hundredfold more difficult when the people…

Ek aur love story – chapter 65

1 year later Meera was in the kitchen brewing a pot of chai. She’d woken up unusually early today. Well she’d use the time to work on grading some papers. She’d taken on a couple of Ph.d students as well. She was their thesis advisor and they had reached out to her about next steps in their program. She’d need to work on action items for them as well. Just as she was organizing her thoughts she…

Ek aur love story – chapter 64

On Friday afternoon, Kabir came back from work early. “Get dressed” he said to Meera. “I want to show you something’s we are going to be taking one of the more difficult trails so please dress appropriately.” Meera had been feeling restless all day. Maybe this walk would do her some good. She got dressed in her comfortable yoga pants and her trusty sneakers and met Kabir at the door. As they…

Ek aur love story – chapter 63

Meera got back to Pune on Tuesday night. She’d deleted Shoikat’s number from her phone. She texted Nina and Kabir on landing and let them know she’d spend the night at her house. She was exhausted. The trip had taken an emotional toll on her but she was also relieved. She’d sought forgiveness and understanding and received both. Meanwhile, the 2 days that Meera had been gone had been the worst…

Ek aur love story – chapter 62

Meera smiled widely. “Why are you smiling?” Asked Shoikat perplexed. “I may not have met you in 15 years but I still know you. On the flight here I asked myself how you’d answer my question and I tried out various answers. An over the top let’s get married today or I hate you and can’t stand the sight of you. None of those fit, though. This answer that you just gave me, I thought of it too and it…

Ek aur love story – chapter 61

“I don’t hate you Meera. I am angry and hurt and confused. In time maybe these feelings will go away but hate is too strong an emotion. Yes a razor thin line separates love and hate. But I will never step over that line into hate. I just cannot. You are tied to the happiest memories of my life. I will regret we didn’t get a happy ending but I cannot hate you.” Shoikat said and Meera felt a tiny…

Ek aur love story – chapter 60

A half hour later or so Shoikat stood up. “I have to go” he said. “Stay Shoikat, have dinner. You’ve had a huge shock and I may not be your favorite person right now but I am concerned about you. Have dinner and then leave. Please.” Said Meera. The plaintive note in Meera’s voice gave Shoikat pause. He agreed to have dinner. Meera called room service again. They both sunk into silence again.…

Ek aur love story – chapter 59

Earlier in the week, Meera had sent a text message to Shoikat. She’d asked to meet him in Delhi. He called her back almost immediately. Meera answered the phone and asked him if meeting him that week was possible. Once he said yes, she said she’d contact him after her travel plans were confirmed. When she let Kabir know that she was going to Delhi, her tickets had already been booked and her…

Ek aur love story – chapter 58

A couple of weeks after Meera had regained consciousness at Kabir’s house she felt like she was recovered enough to move back to her house. That morning at the breakfast table just as she was about to broach the topic her phone rang. It was Sunita tai’s niece. Apparently Sunita tai had slipped in the bathroom and broken multiple bones around her ankle. She’d needed emergency surgery. The family…

Meera wondered if she’d ever be able to feel about Asshu the way Kabir felt about Zoya! She and Kabir spoke about it. “Zoya is basically a nice person Meera. We didn’t get along and that made us nasty towards each other but she wouldn’t have done things to hurt me on purpose. I’m not sure if I should say this but I don’t think Asshu is a nice person. The things you said about him, they make me…

Days at Kabir’s house fell into an easy pattern. Meera spent most of her time sleeping. When she was awake she’d read for a bit. In the evenings when Kabir came back from the office she’d spend some time talking to him about the project. They’d have dinner together and then head off to their respective bedrooms to sleep. After a week Meera’s voice and some of her strength returned. Now during the…

Once Kabir had seated her he took the chair opposite her. “You want to know how you got here. I’ll tell you. But first do you wAnt something to eat, toast, juice, coffee?” Meera asked for some orange juice. As he was pouring the juice out Kabir said “look I was worried about you after the trip from Bombay but I didn’t want to intrude. I felt you needed some time to process everything. However,…

When Meera finally opened her eyes, bright sunlight was streaming into the room. She looked around and she had no idea where she was. What happened? Where was she? Was this a hospital? No, the room looked very well put together. It had none of the clinical aesthetic that’s true of hospital rooms. Where was Sunita tai? Her throat was parched, she felt tired like she had done hard physical labor.…

Meera was by herself, a situation that did not help her mental state much. She tried to distract herself by way of reading, research and her community service. However, nothing much was helping. On her way back from the orphanage she developed a pounding headache. By the time she got home the headache had traveled to the nape of her neck and back. Meera brewed herself a cup of ginger cardamom tea…

Meera spent the next few days in limbo! She wanted to reach out to Shoikat but what would she even say to him? She wanted to reach out to Kabir but she was deeply embarrassed by whatever had transpired in Mumbai. She had spent the last 10-12 years being very private. She’d not had a confidant for the longest time. Once baba had passed and she moved to the US, Meera had become used to keeping her…

Ek aur love story – chapter 51

Kabir dropped Meera home at Pune and made his way back to his own home. Finding himself at loose ends and disturbed over the turn of events he decided to spend some time working. If he could lose himself in solving a gnarly code related issue he might just get over the way he was feeling. Meanwhile, Meera was sitting in her terrace with a book in her lap idly gazing at the sky wondering what she…

Ek aur love story – chapter 50

Present day All night long Kabir heard Meera sobbing. She cried like her heart was breaking. He wanted to go and offer her comfort but he also felt that Meera needed to grieve in private. Whoever this man was, he’d clearly been very important to Meera at one time. Maybe he still was. Kabir felt a flare of jealousy spark in his chest. Who was this man? What claim did he have over Meera?  The…