actually might have to abandon this. its just a monument to all i've ever loved and lost. old friends, old love, old passions, youth and energy that seems to escape me. i was so passionately in love with someone and he's just gone, left me cuz he was sad and then i ran off. after that i dated a guy who replaced my personality with his own. julia isnt really my best friend anymore, she had a lot of problems with drugs and eventually had a baby and she doesnt talk to me anymore. probably rightfully so. i mourn for the loves i once knew and will never know again. so much simplicity, gone.
i wish i had the energy to love like that again. i swear life has beaten the shit out of me. i give kacie my all but there just isnt much of me left. jared whittled me down and when he was done with me life just started beating the shit out of me and now kacie gets the battered remains.
i dont mean it to say they dont get the love they deserve from me. i give them my all every single day. but my all is just becoming less and less. my humanity is fading as i become more a slave to the capitalist system, to my landlords, to the endless cycle of poverty. i wish i could be 18 again. i wish i could have the spring in my step and the light in my eyes, in my heart.
goodbye to the past
