Your favorite Guitar Hero mutual

Once you start noticing the erasure and exclusion of trans mascs in everything from media to academics you can never stop noticing it

#the therapist who wrote my permission slip for hrt was a trans man#and during that appointment we talked about the erasure of trans men from basically everything#and i talked about an article i had read a week or so earlier about trans people and hiv#it very in depth about risks prevention treatment etc#except that it exclusively referenced trans women with a single sentence at the end basically saying 'oh trans men are at risk too'#less than a year later i saw that same therapist speaking at an hiv organization fundraising event#he talked about how he had just recently been diagnosed with hiv#and had to sit there while this doctor told him all about how the treatment options had never been tested on trans men#none of them#they knew that the treatment would work#but not how effective it would be in comparison to its effectiveness in other demographics#no idea what kind of side effects he might experience#how it would interact with his body and his hormones#what the long term effects would be#nothing#he had to sit there while his doctor told him he would have to be a guinea pig but its not like he has a choice#the only alternative is dying from aids#that whole thing was kind of a wake up call for me#and i started paying more attention getting tested regularly myself and all that sruff you're supposed to do#and over time i befriended the person who did most of my testing#they were also trans masc and we would talk about this kind of stuff#and i told them i wanted to get on prep but every doctor i asked had a wildly different answer on if i even could take it#which verison i could take etc#and they said that only one form of prep has been approved fot trans men but its never actually been tested on trans men#and that one version isnt good for long term use because it has some pretty serious side effects long term#and they said that they regularly go to conferences and meet with representatives from all these drug companies#and they ask 'wheres the data on trans men' 'when are you doing clinical studies on trans men'#and the answer#every single time is: we have not done any studies on trans men and we have no intention to ever do studies on trans men#this is not some passive result of trans masc invisibility it is an active act of erasure that needs to be recognized as an act of violence

loud warning

Rolling on the floor sobbing and crying and losing my mind at “GET INSIDE THE VAAAAAAAAAAN”

The problem with "treat yourself like you would treat a friend :)" is that I can't treat myself like I treat someone that I'm not personally responsible of. I don't have to make anyone else get out of bed. I don't have to make anyone else do their work. I don't have to make anyone else maintain a social life. I don't have to make anyone else do their hobbies and chores. I'm not in charge of anyone else's life, of course I don't have to hold them to the same standards. And I can't verbally express how fast my entire shit would asplode if I treated myself like I treat people who are not my personal responsibility.

This is why these days I'm treating myself like a child that I'm trying to look after and teach.