golden orchards

obsessed with how all you need to do is throw money at public education and eliminate most standardized testing and you will start getting smarter, more engaged, kinder adults. obsessed with how giving people safe housing, reliable access to good food, and decent wages dramatically reduces drug overdoses and gun violence. obsessed with how much people actually want to get together and fix infrastructure, invent new ways of helping each other, and create global ways of living sustainably once you give them livable pay to do so. obsessed with how tracking diseases, developing medicines, and improving public health becomes so much easier when you just make healthcare free at point of use.

1. “You were easier to look up to when you weren’t around.”

Batman and Robin vol 2 #1

I love when Damian reminds Bruce that he’s a disappointment. It took the other batkids years to realize that but Damian knew it from the beginning and he will never let him forget it. 9/10

2. “So that explains why Astrid Arkham sees me as a curse hanging over Gotham.” “Haven’t we all at some point?”

Detective Comics (2016) #1004

He’s 100% correct but he’s not being as mean as he could be. Bruce’s feelings were definitely not hurt so it wasn’t a proper roasting. But it’s super fucking funny, and I’m obsessed with the fact that Damian interrupted this serious moment to joke about how everyone hates his dad. 7/10

3. “You know my name! Grandfather was right, you truly are the world’s greatest detective.”

The Shadow/Batman #1

Calling Bruce stupid is very classic Damian. I appreciate that he keeps finding new and creative ways to say it. However I have to take off points because that’s not the actual Bruce he’s insulting, just a dollotron. 5/10

4. “Watch yourself old man. You may be better with a bicycle but I’m your superior at everything else.”

Batman Black and White #5

This one absolutely took me out when I first read it. The “watch it old man” alone would be enough for me to put it on this list, but pairing that with Damian saying he’s better than Bruce in nearly every way makes this perfect. Bruce’s feelings probably weren’t hurt but he definitely called Dick later to complain about Damian’s lack of respect. 10/10

5. “So you’ve learned your long-lost father is a world class psycho... join the club...”

Teen Titans (2016) #11

He’s not talking to Bruce in this one but this is still an impeccable roast. Calling Bruce a psycho AND telling his teammate that they ain’t special?? He’s killing two birds with one stone. I’m taking off points because this panel came from Teen Titans (2016) and that version of Damian is not valid. 6/10

6. “Father, if this is it, I want to tell you something. I... I need you to know... I definitely would have been the best Batman.”

Dark Nights: Death Metal #7

Absolutely iconic. Damian is facing certain death and instead of telling his father that he loves him like Bruce was probably expecting, he decided to remind him that he could have been a way better Batman if he was given the chance. Damian is going to die doing what he loves most: antagonizing Bruce. 12/10

7. “Silence.”

Super Sons #10

After all the times Bruce has told him to shut up, Damian finally pulled an Uno reverse card on him, and it’s all Bruce’s fault. Even he can recognize that. 5/10

8. “And I sometimes feel like I’m listening to a raging, controlling madman.”

Batman: Pennyworth RIP

I admire Damian’s audacity to bring up all of Bruce’s faults whenever they fight. And he’s always correct. I also love how big Bruce’s hand is compared to his face. It reminds me that Bruce is getting verbally demolished by a kid who still needs a booster seat. 8/10

9. “But we’re going to talk about these orphanages. It’s a bit disconcerting that you own whole buildings full of potential backup Robins.”

Detective Comics (2016) #1017

Even if this was a joke, I know some tiny part of Damian actually believes this. He lives in constant fear of getting another sibling. I’m deducting some points because this is one of the most popular and overused Batman jokes ever. We all know he collects orphans. 4/10

10. “I don’t know why you bothered to come back from the dead. We were fine without you.”

Batman Incorporated (2012) #1

"u cant save smth that doesnt want to be saved"

I Dreamt of Something Lost is a fake desktop game about data, grief, and memory. It is about the Facebook profiles of dead friends, about parts of yourself still stuck in a particular social media profile like a fossil stuck beneath layers and layers and layers of sediment, about the fragility of digital storage, about what it feels like to have your world shrink to the breadth of a computer screen. I made it back in 2023, during a particularly difficult time in my life. I was convinced it wouldn't come to anything; instead, it won a New Media Writing Prize and more-or-less launched my career. Funny how things work out.

I'm trying to grow my writing to the point where it can financially support me - crazy difficult, I know, but I believe in my work and what it can do. I Dreamt of Something Lost is possibly the best thing I've ever made - it would mean the world if you could check it out on itch.io HERE.

You can also buy it as a cassette game (with bonus creator commentary) or postcard HERE!