Luno(・ω・)ノ

Aku masih tercari jalan hidupku. Sesat. Sesat dalam lautan masalah dan kebuntuan. Siapa aku yg sebenarnya. Aku masih tercari. Jika semalam hanya sekadar sejarah jadikan hari ini kenangan terindah. Apa yg aku rasa. Apa yg aku mahu. Hanya sia-sia. Fikiran masih celaru. Yang semalam azamnya baru. Tapi hari ini masih yg dulu. Kata nista membinasa diri kerana mulut sendiri. Buat apa cari masalah sedangkan kalau jujur tak salah. I dont understand you. What do you mean? I tried to talk with you. Kau buat tak endah setiap kali. Aku tak pasti apa salah aku. You're different now. I'm not sure.. You mad or smh? Being silent there and ignore me. I give your own space coz I thought I'm just disturbing you. But then you said I'm passive? Wth is that? I've crazy here thinking every second what I did wrong.. Stalked you 24/7 like an idiot. I'm telling what's on my mind. Perhaps, kau ada life kau sendiri.. You're not interested talking to me anymore? You got someone else way better? That's what I thought. Don't leave me hanging at least be honest with me. Tell me what's on your mind? Coz I can't read people's mind. Just don't do this to me. - 3/18/16

Do you know what I mean, don’t you?

Hi tumblr. Nothing works when it's come for me. I wonder why everything turn up to different from I expected. I messed everything up. I cry, angry, annoyed, scream, wimped, sulked, depressed, nervous, and think negative things. It doesn't mean I'm not happy with my current life.. But the truth is, sometimes I seek an attention from people. I shut people out, keep my distance, I refused any ties with people, I makes everything complicated, I says mean thing toward people, not honest with my words, I feels like I'm just different, these retards things always running through my head. I feels like sometimes this world is big.. Everything surrounded scary things. What does beautiful world means? Coz I don't seems the answer for that? people keep disappears.. And those memories they left me.. I keep on remembering. What I do wrong? Like I'm invisible. 💮

There's a lot things in my mind right now. But I couldn't write or express all of it here. Recently I've little bit sleepy and tired.. It's not like I'm not enough sleep or do heavy things. Last night, I fell asleep pretty early than usual..but at the middle of night I keep awake several times somehow I just woke up even heard the tiniest sounds. I've been that way ever since last week. I forgot what I dreamt of because of sound distortion by things around me. I'm not sure if I fell into sleep paralyses or lucid dream but I'm pretty sure it wasn't happened before. The only reason I would be that way only when I felt upset or nervous but this time I'm doing fine in my life that's make me even more curious what's waking me like this? Well, the other things is I can't bear heat the outside of my house.. I'm not sure if this because of global warming but I felt my skin are burned when I step outside of my house. I'm sure I'm still a human not a vampire who can't exposed to sunlight. Just like yesterday when I went to interview, I felt I'd fall down unconscious if I stand too long in the sunlight but it's just early in the morning. The heat or sun rays should be a minimal. But I was surprised when I can't stand and felt uncomfortable. Should I do medical check-up? Coz I do think I'm having sun stroke decease.

Dear tumblr, here I am again. So today nothing particular has happened but I’ve done something step forward to change my life. Well, its not confirmed yet because I still dont know whether I got accepted or nah. At least I do something to chances and step out from my comfort zone. I’ll try to move forward to change my current life... no more wasting time. Sometimes I’m just afraid to be an adult.

Hi again, sometimes I didnt know what is real..who is real. What people think about me exactly. Might be they act nice and loved me but reality they jerk on me. Probably. And I cant read people’s true feeling like people around me tend to show their “two-faces” and I hates it. It’s okay to lies because all people lies and so am I. But they dont have to fake themself become someone else when they with me. Why dont they just straight to the point and be honest? Is it that hard? Why should they hide their true feeling? is it for cares my feeling? or it is for gag? I still dont understand people around me. How could I know when they didnt say for the first place? I dont have talent to read their mind. I’m not magician or psychic.

Salam, its been a while since I created this blog. Well, I’ve been busy doing stuff.. Plus, I got bad internet connection that I even can not play game anymore. How sad. This blog suppose to be my diary life but I didnt have chances to post anything. sigh. whats more saddest thing is I’ve wasted my precious time about a years after graduation without doing anything productive. It’s not like I dont want further my studies but apparently its hard to get into university now. It’s all just about luck. Doesnt matter how good your pointer/grades you got. Damn this hard life. My parent wants me to get a job....but I’m not ready to stepped into career life. So I wasted my time with game and watching anime. But now, I think I wanted to changes my lifestyle. So I apply again university that I wanted and at the same time I’ll go interview for a job position. It’s me who has to change my life toward better life.

xoxo