This is for people who got sexually violated as children, and didn't fight back or say no. If you feel like it's your fault for not stopping it, like you should have known immediately what was happening to you, like you should have said no, fought back, told someone, resisted more, or should have gone about it differently â this is why it's not your fault.
You were below the age of consent. Regardless of whether you said yes, or consented, or initiated it, or verbally asked for it, there's a reason we have 'age of consent' and a reason why until you reach a certain age you automatically cannot consent. No matter what you did, even if you had demanded it or initiated or tried to get someone to do something to you, you were under the age of consent. You could not have consented to any sexual activities in any way.
Because you can't know as a child what sexual abuse is, and what it will do to you. If you'd have known what you know as an adult, you would have resisted! You would have fought back, you would have said no, you would have not initiated anything, you would have been repulsed, disgusted, disturbed, grossed out, you would have done anything and everything to get away from this person.
The reason they were able to bypass all that is only because you were too young to know what kind of situation you're in. And they used that, they knew you had no concept of sexual abuse, no idea what was going to happen to you, or what kind of trauma it was going to inflict on you. They counted on you not realizing that you're being used, that you're just someone's toy, that you're violated and traumatized every second they're having contact with you, and they had no right, and it was the most vile, and cruel crime to commit against you. You hold no blame for this because you were a child. Children cannot consent and all adults know this. Children older than you know this, they know you'd fight them if you had any more experience on you, any more boundaries.
You are supposed to be protected by parents or guardians because when you're that young, you have no way of protecting yourself. You want to believe you were in control, that you could have done something, done anything to make things go differently, because it's terrifying to acknowledge you had no power, no say, no control whatsoever. That others could do whatever they wanted and there was nothing you could have done to save yourself. That is horrifying and devastating to know. But the guilt and shame of blaming yourself for being in that situation, for experiencing sexual abuse as a child, is just as horrifying. It wasn't your fault. You were targeted because of your age. Because you had no defense. You could not have done better. You did what any child your age would have done. You were normal. There was no reason to single you out and traumatize you like this. You never asked for this to happen to you. If you knew what it would have done to you, and if you had the physical power and ability to fight back, it would have been a fight to death before you allowed it to happen. When you're a child, against an adult, fighting back can put you in more danger.
