The Mum Friend

What a year this week has been.

It’s Monday.

It sure as hell is.

The earlier in the day Monday you reblog the funnier this gets

what about sunday evening hmm

Happiness Will Come To You.

when tho

When You Least Expect It. Probably Late March

reblog for happiness to come for you in late march!

be kinder to your past selves

there might be no permanent state of the self but those bitches were still you! show them some kindness, they were trying and living how they thought they should even if you wouldn't want to go back to them

“you all are great people, and what you’re doing is art, but it’s also a crime punishable by 28 days in prison” is a real sentence that got said to me tonight by a security officer i think i’m living my best life

When I was little, my mom told me that throwing your chewing gum out the car window was the good and moral thing to do because it patched up people's flat tires for them, and to this day, I think it's one of the funniest lies anyone's ever told a child for no reason.

Sometime just hearing someone actually cares goes a long way ❤️

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

Reblogging for the last addition

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

@clockworkrobotic

“Friend? Friend push ball? I push ball. I do good.”

Bees.  Smart enough to push a ball, not smart enough to not be fooled by a stick masquerading as a bee. 

maybe they know and they’re just being polite

Other dimensional beings are undoubtedly amazed at what human beings will accept as human beings too. “But it’s just a stick with a person on it.”

#excuse me neil but what the FUCK was that #thanks for that terrifying thought (nooby-banana)

NEIL WHY. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.

It’s reassuring how tumblr-like this entire interaction is. Including not reading the url