my soul would sing of metamorphoses

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

Man who hates the very concept of life and all living beings: I should design portal websites for colleges and job applications

spill for me, Muse, the wine-dark tea on a problematic man

no one knows if watching a new tv show is possible

love when i see something for me #mebait

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

"but the text never explicitly stated it!!!" hey, so that's actually what they tried to teach you in those english classes you barely passed 😁

beam me up scotty (beam me up inside) can’t beam up (beam me up inside)

(Getting swindled by a genie) it’s like talking to a fucking tumblr user with you

the genie: how dare you say I'm fucking a tumblr user

White boy CONFUSES Mexican restaurant staff by ordering in perfect Mandarin.