Understanding For Better..For Worse..
On our wedding days we made a contract. A contract to God and the law that you would “Have to hold from this day forward…..For better for worse...For richer, for poorer..” But how soon do we forget the layers that contract is.
Let’s break it down by the small minute details. A Contract according to the dictionary is..
“A written or spoken agreement, especially one concerning employment, sales or tendency, that is intended to be enforceable by law.”
I’m sure in your adult life you have signed a few of these… even when you weren’t as smart as you are now. Like that time I bought a car from a coworker and blue smoke started coming out of the tailpipe… and I was still making payments on it. I didn’t really go over the terms of what would happen in the case that the used car decided to die before I paid it off.
I was young… this was one of my first cars.. Maybe #2 for me actually, and it was used. I decided I wasn’t gonna pay because I didn’t have a car to drive. She sued me, and I gave her half as a settlement. But indeed I learned the hard way.
What about the people that end up on The People’s Court for also buying lemons or unfinished contractual work. Well that contract with your Marriage is also just as important as the plumber not fixing the plumbing.
For Better sounds good on every side. The shmoney is right, there’s groceries in the fridge, the gas tank is full, you’re looking less bloated in your favorite dress, and you are having a good hair day.
Have you ever stopped to really think if everything went right, life would be boring?
What about the rich kids who overdose on drugs, curse or even kill their parents because they head “NO”?
Was there a period(s) in life that were REALLY hard, but you dissect the situation and you come to the conclusion that that situation molded your grit. Gave you the integrity that you have today. It gave you your work ethic or attention to detail?
That could’ve happened if everything was “For Better..”.
In my house, it’s good when it’s good. Me and the Hubs don’t argue like we did years ago because we really have made a decision to learn and to respect each other’s ticks. Everyday, financially stable or not is always an episode of a sitcom. It makes me sweat and gives me great anxiety…. I didn’t even know I had anxiety until I became an adult. But when it’s going well I’m not really challenged… I’m at a plateau, not learning new strategies. Agree?
For worse can really make you want to bury your head in the sand and only peek when there’s a music festival on the beach. I’ve been there, sometimes every other week. I have to verbally (literally) tell myself to come out of it. But my mission is to be a better person.
When the “For Worse” comes down the turnpike, we want to get our hat and run. The For Worse comes in different shapes, smells, and forms. But we base it on being “happy” or the For Worse stage is not making us happy.
Largely we, us humans, are programed to be ungrateful. The commercials and ads we encounter daily, which statistics say we are exposed to approx 5k a day are always luring us out of our money. As soon as you by the car of your dreams, here comes the commercial for the newest model and now you're regretting the decision you made to take the plunge.
The For Worse all has its own time lengths. There is NOT a time limit that is limited to 2 weeks… though that seems most favorable. It could be actually go for 3mo….8mo which is almost a full term pregnancy….1yr…...5yrs. But here we are again..
“I’m just not happy anymore” Cry me a river…. Sorry, not sorry if I don’t feel sorry for you.
I definitely believe there are drawn lines. Godly ones. There are things that’s unreasonable to be classified as worse. And if it is your plan to live the Godly marriage, below are some of the windows of escape for you..
Infidelity: but there have been many successful relationships that have come back from this. As long as both parties make a decision to be faithful. Infidelity doesn’t have to be the death, there are no cookie cutter outcomes either. Sometimes infidelity can be for marital neglect, witholding of sex from each other, revenge, bad habits, lack of respect for the contract….etc
Abuse: This can happen is three forms, verbal, physical and financially. Verbal can be degrading, barrating, constant attack of your character. Not petty name calling but the verbal abuse that’s almost just as bad as being physically abused. You can feel like your fear for your life and mental wellbeing. Physical is pretty much self explanatory. A man that hits you, pushes you with his hands, and other members of his body. Often times he can apologize and try to give you gifts to make up for it, but I have not personally known this action to be curable...as I have never known anyone who has been physically abused either. Financially is more than your husband being cheap, irresponsible with his money and stingy. This is when your practical needs aren’t met and he has the means to do so. When he verbally abuses you when you need food, personal items, or won’t let you have the keys to your car, gas to put in your car when money is available. And withholding money from you because he wants to keep you away from your friends and family.
Sexual deprivation: Did you know that sex was made for Married Couples. Originally...Biblically so we aren’t out there testing the multiple murky waters and peitry dishing new STD/STIs… but having that one sexual bound for your one mate. But anyway… back to my point…. Biblically you aren’t supposed to “defraud one another” which means withold sex from the other to keep from dipping on the otherside. Although I’m not gonna talk a lot about in in this post, you should be adaquaitly be sexually matched with your mate i.e high sex drive, medium, little. Most men have medium to HIGH sex drive, which also means that out of 7 days in a week, he should be able to have your thick thighs around him 3-4x’s a week. Yes!!!! Don’t argue with me.
Now, all those listed says you are within your rights of a Contract Breech if you are currently living here in these scenarios.
The goal for all of this For Better and For Worse are supposed to create you both into “One Flesh”. One flesh meaning the Ying and Yang, Ketchup and Mustard, Peanut Butter and Jelly… get it. And that’s thru Worse.
I have been asked many, what I call petty questions about ending their Marriage. Like my MIL (mother-in law) and I don’t get along” or the difficult blended family scenario…. Or “he didn’t stand up for me”. Remember there is NO cookie Cutter for any of these scenarios, but you have to keep focused and strategize your sanity.
Being Married, a mother, a wicked stepmother and an adult, I have developed some pretty wonky emotions. Anxiety has claimed residence in my body, but like my favorite writer says that I have to remind myself often..
“There’s has been few rainbows in my clouds”
Just about every other week… maybe day, that I feel like I want to run, flee from my disappointment. But after I quit my anxiety down and come from the land of Petty, I think about all the things that are going right, what I’m thankful for, my family, my kids, the outcome. Did you also know that the decisions that you make doesn’t just effect YOU. Especially if there are kids involved.
Calm down...I’m not saying stay for the kids… but yea, stay for the kids. I have literally feel in and out of love with my Hubs, but that’s because I stopped working, stopped challenging us and being adventurous.
I’m sure if you got a degree, high school to phD, it was work and sometimes it almost kills you, but you still inch along. Why don’t you give your Marriage Contract the same justice?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post, so drop me a line.
