but can you let me pretend...

Guilt partially overtakes him from the weight of Komaeda’s reaction. Maybe he should’ve been less forceful, less of everything he had made himself out to be, and more of something Nagi could rely on. Would acting like nothing had changed be more of a blessing or a curse? A sense of familiarity in this chaos, somebody who wouldn’t judge and serve as the cushion to his woes.

Problem with that is, it was obvious nothing could ever be the same again, and the closest they could come to those easy high school days was finding a place within each other. Leon had to work on regaining that comfort and warmness by any means necessary. And if that meant swallowing the ball of melancholy slowly building up in his throat, like downing a handful of needles–so be it. Anything was worth the sacrifice by this point, and he had surely given everything for this to be possible. Maybe, in time, they’d succeed.

“…Yeah.” Leon adjusts him slightly, one arm holding him firmly against his body and the other knotted delicately in his tangled mop of hair. Picking up the pace, he slugged his way up the beach and towards the cabins, only stopping his steady tread once they reached Nagito’s.

He nudged open the door and closed it quietly behind them, easing Nagito onto his bed and taking a hesitant seat behind him.

“Ask me anything, alright? I’ll answer it honestly. I owe you that much.”

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

His legs bounce with every step, fingers dragging over the fabric under them until the climb came to a standstill and they seemed to reach even ground once more. Tension worms its way into his shoulders as the sound of Leons footsteps changes from the scrape of the pathway to the groaning of the wood planks. The cabins, a place that was supposed to be comforting. Yet, it always made him feel unwelcome; not that he ever considered much different at this point.

As the door creaks open, he flinches unintentionally and bites his lip. Skittish as a mouse, it was pathetic. He was pathetic. The door swings shut, and he lifts his head to see the plain walls around him, and when the other man goes to put him down; he digs his nails in harshly at first before letting go and slumping against the sheets like a ragdoll. Komaeda stares dejectedly at the ceiling, turning his head towards Leon when he speaks and his expression turns indifferent.

Lips part, pause, and close again. He swallows and fumbles a bit against the mattress to push himself up to a more upright position, head resting in one hand as he gives a harsh sigh.

“H… How long have you been here?”

Pale eyes stare out from knotted bangs and his mouth pauses, somewhat open with another exhale as a few shivers run over him. His free arm moves to cross over his chest, but it doesn’t make him feel any warmer. He shifts forward, tilting until he can slump somewhat again the other man but not look at him directly.

“… What do you know?”

“Come on Nagi, work with me here. Alright? I wouldn’t dare leave ya. You know that, don’t you? I-It’s just like…we’ll be together. We don’t have’t talk, neither. Just go right to sleep. Curl up nice an’ warm, y’know?” Maybe his words aren’t all that convincing, but how about actions? Those tend to speak louder than measly syllables, after all. Sounds like too much might overstimulate him.

A pair of chapped lips meet Nagito’s cheek, quick and small. Nothing lasting. Perhaps it would help concrete the fact that he cared deeply for and missed his boyfriend immensely. Hanging back was the most painful and grueling thing he had to do. Maybe things wouldn’t have turned out as terrible between them, but now he plans to make up for all that and more. If…he let’s him is a whole other story, however.

“It’ll be alright, okay? We won’t be going near anybody. No one’s gonna bother us if I have anythin’ to say ‘bout it.”

Leon tries his damnedest to put on a brave face dspite his heart breaking all over again. Seeing Nagito like this up close and personal causes for concern. More than concern.

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

His nails dig into Leons fingers at the kiss, head jerking away from the contact as he stares at him wide-eyed. But, it has the desired effect; to some degree. His expression twists and arms come up to lock around the others shoulders and he buries his head into his shoulder. It’s too cold to fight anymore, his body craves the warmth and his chest tightens at those words. Assurances only went so far, he’s found. It’s so hard to believe these days, believe much of anything. It’s the best he can do, wordlessly clinging to the other man and staring past his shoulder at the footprints up the beach. How long had he been watching? How long had he been on the island as it was? Question bubbling up once again and pushing at his skull; a faint sound of discomfort leaving him.

“Mmph.”

It’s not really a word, it’s more of a grunt against the redheads shoulder. Komaeda’s at a loss for words—well, not quite. But, it’s nothing Leon would want to deal with now. They’ll… If going back to the cabin will get him answers and if he’ll stay. His weak grip tightens just a bit, knotted hair brushing against the others cheek. It feels different than when they were younger. When everything was easier and made sense. When it was so easy to love Leon without being so scared.

But, what now? How could Leon possibly have continued to care about him? Had he thought him dead? Or worse, had he seen everything?

“… Walk fast.”

Incidentally, Leon passed a set of cabins not far from this very beachfront. Counting, there were enough for every inhabitant of the island. Ko must house one of them. Everybody who has half a brain must’ve conked out hard by now, so it isn’t very likely they’d run into trouble on the way back. There, he could get Ko into some warm clothes and under some blankets. If he didn’t fall asleep, then they could talk about everything. About how Leon’s promise wouldn’t allow surrender as an option.

“I was thinkin’ your cabin. Bed, clothes, water–that kinda thing. Private, too. Nobody’s gonna bother us. ‘Sides, they’re all sleepin’ anyway.” Solid reasoning. Can’t really argue with it. As Ko got all close and personal, Leon saw his chance and carefully went about scooping him up into his toned arms.

No longer is he but a scrawny wanna-be bad boy, having been forced to buck up or die trying as the world spiraled into a cesspool of shit, crime, and despair. Growth spurt helped, too. So did Ko, development wise.

“No worries, Nagi. I’ll keep you safe.”

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

His hand falls away from Leons as arms come up under him, and he squirms and dig nails into him instinctively. Hearing that he aims to take him back to the cabins doesn’t bode well either, eyes widening almost frantically as he shakes his head. Sleeping or not, what if someone is up? He doesn’t want to go near them, it’s bad enough that he goes back there when Hinata forces him to. Komaedas eyes are pleading, even as he tries to push at him again. Those words of safety don’t calm him, shaking his head repeatedly.

“I don’t want to go near them…”

The way he raises his voice is pathetic, it’s hoarse from underuse. But, his discomfort is justified. He’d done everything to avoid them, and they didn’t want him around. And he didn’t want to see them looking at him, at them… A wave of dizziness hits him, fingers stilling for a moment before he’s slumping down into the others arms and still weakly reaching down to try and pull at his fingers.

Leon’s breath stills like a frozen current, chest quivering as he desperately tries to keep himself together in the face of Komaeda. Up until this very point, the former SHSL fooled his heart into believing all of this would conspire smoothly and they could skip off hand–in-hand into the sunset, live happily ever after. That kind of thing. Predictable platitudes, boring platitudes, but ones he would welcome willingly all the same.

Months had gone by. Months of forbidden direct contact. Months of standing statue-esque as Komaeda and his former classmates struggled at the hands of Future Foundation’s hunt for hope. They’d won, of course, but not without paying a hefty price. Undoing the results of brainwashing isn’t instantaneous especially considering how their Neo-World program attempt went topsy-turvy in the blink of an eye.

Before their capture, during their cityscape rampage, Leon had been there. Prioritizing Ko, of course, but every now and again he would use his talent to track their locations–predict where they’d head next and frequent where they’d recently left. Rarer still, he left supplies such as water and canned food. Perhaps he was the only one who cared to insert himself so dangerously, but he couldn’t accept how class 78 handled such a delicate situation.

“Only thing I’ll say ‘till you ain’t sittin’ out here riskin’ gettin’ yourself sicker than you already are–breakin’ promises is for assholes. As if I’d die in some sorry ditch somewhere an’ leave you behind. In it for the long haul, remember?”

As Komaeda stands on unsteady ground, Leon moves a touch forward and offers his worn and calloused hand for him to grab onto for some much needed, overdue support. Nobody else would do it. Nobody else would be as bold as to stick around in the shadows like he had made a habit out of doing.

“Come on. Back inside. I’ll just tell you everything, alright? No secrets, swearsies.”

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

He says it so simply, as if it was the greatest truth of the universe. It doesn’t qualify even as an answer, and yet his lips tremble briefly and he can’t even find the will to argue. Leon sounds the same, the same as he’d always been. All rough and sure of himself. Overconfident. A beloved fool. Komaeda manages to reach him, catch those hands and all that can escape him is a faint, rasp of a laugh that doesn’t even last. A promise… That someone would care enough to keep a promise like that for him. It’s unthinkable, and yet it’s happening. Pale fingers squeeze weakly around the others, as if reminding himself that he is real and is here.

Back inside? He looks to the side for a moment, the coastline making itself glaringly obvious and he knows better than anyone that he’d rather not go back indoors. Yet, Leons hand is warm under his own and he’s no longer numbed to the cold. His heart is racing in his chest, and he can’t tell if it’s from fear or the pulse of feelings waking up. Instead, he steps forward and catches his other arm around the taller man. When did he get taller? Too much happened, he couldn’t recall. Back when, he’d always been the taller out of the two of them. His fingers won’t let go of the others hand despite the now awkward position, but he rests his forehead against his shoulder. Does he want to go inside? If it’s with Leon… Maybe.

“… Where inside?”

The question comes, and he’s willing to pull away if he’s going to take him near them. Are they here? Is he alone? Questions start prodding at him, driving his nerves into a faint frenzy and he grips the others back through clothing. Maybe it’s silly to ask, what with the resort building right near them; but he can’t help it.

COLD. It’s cold. Winter by the ocean–that’ll do it. Thankfully, he wasn’t braindead enough to meander out here in his sleepwear, unlike that poor shivering fuck currently in the process of giving himself hypothermia. Said poor shivering fuck is the only reason why Leon even bothered.

If anyone could successfully navigate their own personal shoddy misadventure and still come out on top, it’d be him. Living through the apocalypse and having nothing to show for it besides a trap of hit-’n-miss testimonies. What a hero. After the fact, the survivors had all been praised for their innate ability of harboring Japan’s hope on their shoulders as if bearing crosses. This would be their legacy, now.

But he? Leon Kuwata? He didn’t want the defeat of despair and rehabilitation of the Remnants to be where his own story ended. Even in this healing world, an authority will stand back up against all odds, and people will feel they have no choice but to follow. Therefore, justified revolution will still need to worm its way into the hearts and souls of many. Just as there will always be hope and despair, so too will those outside the binary exist for opposing both.

Where better to start searching for purpose than where it all began?

Smuggling aboard the ship containing former class 77 wasn’t an issue–reappearing to Nagito, now that was a challenge. He found an opening shortly; beachside at night ain’t a bad haunt. So there he stands, half a foot taller and a whole century wiser, mask displaced and hair grown over brown and crimson. Fiery blue eyes search–for what is anyone’s lucky guess.

“Long enough for me to kick your ass over it, Nags.”

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

Komaeda isn’t sure what does it, exactly.

Why he shoots up in the sand, his hair giving a weak bounce of knots and grit stuck to the strands, whipping his head to the side and stilling almost as if the wind had frozen him on contact.

Was it the voice, the name? No one on the island called him by his given name. No one cared enough to. It was always Komaeda, or something else. Like insults, carefully veiled behind the closest they would all ever step towards civility. And he didn’t want it. Any of it. They didn’t need him, and he wasn’t necessary. And yet, and yet and y e t...

Pale eyes search the others face as if he’s seeing a ghost. Lingering on the scar over lips, the way his eyes were too blue to be real. Was it how his hair fell over his eyes just so, the set of his mouth and the way the moon glinted off metal along his ears and a few other places. His mind had always been unreliable these days, maybe he was hallucinating. And yet, some tiny part of him wants to Hope instead.

All at once, his skin becomes even more clammy even under the cold temperatures; fingers digging into the sand as he tries to will his voice to work or his legs to move. Moreover, he doesn’t know if he wants to run forward or run away. Slowly, almost painfully so, he staggers onto uneasy legs and stares.

“... Leon-kun.”

It’d been so long, or so it felt. Was it months, weeks, days? All he knew is he didn’t think he’d see him alive, or that he’d ever... Still be here. Why was he here? Didn’t he...

“... How?”

The word tumbles out of him without thinking, his feelings at war with themselves in a sense that they’d never gone away; but it had seemed so unlikely. His chest hurts, and yet he finds himself wrapping his arms around his own middle and shaking from the wind that he’s finally remembered. And taking shaking steps forward.

TAGGED BY STOLEN FROM: @pixcldream​ TAGGING: @delinqueon​, @mammasapling​; bc they’re the only people i still ‘know’ round here

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

It’s cold, the sand under his barefeet and the night air. Pajamas are too thin for it, but still he sits just out of the waters reach; staring listlessly because sleep just won’t come. His shoulders shudder with shivers, and goosebumps rise over his skin, and he really should go inside.

But why? For who?

A splash of waves, and he curls his toes into the sand. It sticks to his clammy skin and pulls his mouth to the side. No, he won’t go inside. Perhaps he’ll be lucky enough to get sick and end this pathetic charade where it stands. And no one will care, no one will know. They’ll simply find him later, if they even come, and call it an accident. No one will feel guilty. The thought pulls the wisp of a chuckle from him as he gives up sitting up with his knees pulled to his chest and lands with a small cloud of sand in his wake.

“... Ah, I don’t remember how long it takes for it to set in.”

She didn’t really get a chance to protest, so now she’s got his jacket. It is a little warmer. “I mean… if you insist. I guess! But you can’t blame Monaka if you die or something, though.” A smile makes its way onto her face.

“Thanks. Just kidding, by the way. Promise I won’t let you freeze or anything like that!” A light laugh. Her sense of humor had always been sort of dark.

“Mmm.. dunno, really. I was thinking about heading out like shopping or something, maybe. The cold’s kind of annoying for trying to get around with a wheelchair; the snow and ice and everything, y’know? But I don’t really feel like heading home, though. You’re definitely welcome to come with, yeah!“

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

“Well, that wouldn’t be so bad.”

The fact it was a joke isn’t completely lost on him, but whether he’s joking or serious with his response remains up in the air. Most people who knew him well enough would consider it a joke and hardly worth batting an eye. They, of course, would be incorrect in that assumption. But, such was a passive longing for eventual demise.

He laughs along with her though, if just to further cover up the slip. He didn’t notice it as a slip, but it seemed a good idea to laugh along whenever he wasn’t certain. Humour could fix most things, as it were.

“Shopping? Well, it would probably be warmer in there. And, if you want, we could find you a proper jacket while we’re there!”

Komaeda skirts around the large wheels and after reaching forward to tuck the jacket more comfortably around her--almost like an indulgent parent--grasps the handles of her chair and heaves forward with his unimpressive weight.

▬▬▬ He had attitude, such was a certainty. Even though his words spoke of looking up to her, his attitude told a different story altogether. No, in a sense he was looking down upon her. Perhaps his fortune gave him such confidence.

                  ❝ I seldom waste my time and words. It is the duty of a                             princess to give everyone at least a moment of their                             attention. Even if it is someone as lowly as you.  ❞

Perhaps it was her pride causing her to speak so highly; moreso than usual, but she couldn’t stand being looked down upon. If he thought so ill of himself, then why speak to her in the first place? Normal people would simply watch her go by. Nay, his words were a lie, and she knew better.

                  ❝ Of course not, don’t be absurd. Do you think that I,                             Princess of Ludenberg, has ever suffered at the hands                             of misfortune? I am insulted.  ❞

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

“Aah, how considerate of you!”

His words ring out against hers in turn, how compassionate a princess! To bother with someone like him, and even now she didn’t turn him away. He’s rather good at reading people, or so he likes to think. Maybe she was a bit offended, but could he tell? Doubtful. As far as Komaeda was concerned, she was simply being a saint.

When she speaks of her lack of misfortune, he immediately considers how he should steer clear of her beyond occasional interactions. Lest she get caught up in some kind of issue and ruin her record.

“Oh! I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to imply that. You just spoke like you knew a great deal about it, so I was curious. But, mm, I suppose a princess would be aware of it either way? You lead people after all, and they are susceptible to disasters and the like.”

A chuckle leaves him, more out of nerves than anything meanspirited; not that it was likely to be taken that way. He laces fingers together behind his back, his gaze leaving hers and staring at the floor.

“I’m sure you’ve pulled others out of such situations, so of course you would have experience with it!”

   Oh Komaeda, why was it always something difficult with you? She didn’t want anything! Honestly! Hell, she couldn’t even think of a fake answer to tell him!

   “…well uh…how about you promise to take me to Mars for real some day? That’s something, right?” Kaguya does her best to smile at him, though it almost pains her to do so.

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

Nothing would be easy regarding him, not that he was aware of the trouble he caused by being stubborn at the wrong times and bending at others. He blinks at her request, unable to say it wasn’t feasible at the moment but. Well, it’s not as if he couldn’t try.

“Of course.”

   “Well, you’ve always been nice to me, or, at least humored me into thinking so!” his question surprises her, making her a bit anxious. But it’s alright, she’s not used to friendships herself.

   “And remember when we made that plan to go to Mars and we scared Jime? That was so much fun! So…yeah! You’re my friend whether you think so or not!”

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

Well, she is a SHSL, being unkind to her is unheard of; a ridiculous notion he couldn’t humour at all. Yet, at the same time as she keeps talking he finds himself... Seeing she isn’t entirely wrong in what she’s meaning. It did sound like all he’d known of friendship, but still why was relentless in it’s quest for a reason beyond that.

“Mm, I suppose. Usually that’s the last thing anyone wants from me. Which isn’t surprising, but... If you insist, I guess I have no choice.”

Bending easily under her statement, which he doesn’t really completely believe, he admits that he now has a friend. For better or worse, and he’ll at the very least have to accept her decision.

“Nah, I’m not really big on horror, so I guess that works out, huh?” His cheeks dusted a light pink for god knows what reason, perhaps a bit sheepish at admitting he didn’t like those sorts of things. It wasn’t that they scared him so much as he didn’t like that constant feeling of heightened tension. It made him feel sick, especially when the scares did come.

“Pajamas sound like a good idea. I honestly…tend to fall asleep pretty easily.” No, that wasn’t right. “I mean, when doing stuff like watching a movie. I can get pretty tired. Not that I’m not interested. I just… I don’t know. Something.” He didn’t really care to try and explain himself anymore, irritated at his own rambling. The end of his explanation was sudden and firm, leaving no room for misunderstanding that he was done with this topic. Komaeda didn’t need to know every little thing about him, and he probably didn’t want to, either, so it was best if he stopped himself now.

“If you wanna watch something in particular just say something. I don’t usually finish movies, obviously, so I don’t have much preference.” Maybe he should have just grabbed something he had lying around, but obviously none of those had grabbed his attention enough to keep him from falling asleep in the past. And if they were that boring, Komaeda probably didn’t want to watch them either.

::『♟』υlтιмaтe lυcĸy ѕтυdenт ::

He has a feeling even if Hinata was fond of horror, he would’ve still said the same thing. Why he was getting red was the more confusing thing in the equation. Still, the agreement made his shoulders relax some; he wouldn’t have to worry about spoiling the evening by dashing to the bathroom because of certain scenes.

“Do you? I’m a bit jealous. Maybe you just relax well, if you’re just sitting and watching something. It’s not very active. Maybe.”

Komaeda wished he would doze off that easily, but movie’s usually did more to keep him awake than help him sleep. Whatever ending Hinata had gone for, Komaeda had carried a bit farther and the promptly dropped it. A laugh leaves him as he wanders around to search for blankets. He had suggested pajamas, but only now did he belatedly realize he didn’t have any with him. Oh well, his clothes would have to do and it wasn’t the first time he’d slept in them.

“Ah, no. I’m sure whatever you choose would be better than what I could come up with.”