Changes of my attitude through orgasm denial
Everything writen below is based on mutual trust and respect between my Domme and i. i trust She will not abuse me nor put me in any danger. Do not do anything that makes you have doubts. Everything is done by consent. Do not do anything you did not agree to before any play.
Time flies when you try to milk a dildo. Itās been a year since i have embarked on this penetrating journey and for many months i have been working hard to make my bbc dildo cum (failing so bad) to hopefully earn an orgasmš«
Nothing puts me in the right mind set quicker than trying to do an impossible taskā¦
The more i fuck myself, the more i realize what i want to happen, or for me to question its probability, doesnāt matter. After this soul piercing year, i began to think much less, fuck much more. There shouldnāt be any thinking to begin with either, just instant response to ensure i am giving all my effort every single time.
i have always enjoyed giving and witnessing my partners having pleasure more than me receiving them. Denial has provided this dopamine hit for me. When thereās no expectations of an end so to speak, i could devote all of me to Her, i just want to comply to all Her needs. Even when im in brain rotting agony from kept on the brink of an endless edge, i know thatās how She wants me to be. i am just grateful fulfilling Her desires.
Because im not thinking about myself, so everything i do sexually is to match Her preferences. Am i moving in the ways my Domme enjoy, like are my tits out, tongue out, pussy wet when im in front of Her, am i presenting my pussy properly, are my legs opened enough for Her to play, am i arching my back right when im being fucked, am i low enough when im beside Her, did i rise my ass high enough, are my hands out of the wayā¦ i want to be exactly the way She wants Her toy to be.
Focus on practicing how i can providing more pleasure has became my core motivation. It hepls me letting go of useless egos and humility, overwrite desire with obedience.
It doesnāt matter if itās real body or toys, im going at them with only one goal in mind, to worship them fervently until they are satisfied. Or until i pass out trying. ( happens often fucking the dildo, since i just couldnāt make them cum for some reasonš„²).
When im allowed pussy, i concentrate on how to make sure i hit all the possible pleasures zones to maximize and extend the pleasuring experience until my Domme is satisfied rather than trying to give Her fast orgasms to make myself feel accomplished. If im offered the pocket pussy i make sure i practice sucking, licking, lapping so i can always eat real ones better. Because itās not about me.
My Domme likes to see my pussy eating up the girth of dildos, it turns Her on. So when im dildo fucking, i keep in mind how my exes with penis has told me how they like it, i try my best bobbing on the dildo like a good cock sleeve as long as i could. i try to focus on the pace and different depth from tip to base when fucking it rather than grind my pussy on it to make myself feel good. Because itās not about me.
This has been the longest period i have been without an orgasm. But i feel much better than before. There was a bottleneck period but we managed to literally fuck through it during Easter, and the world is more alleviated and hazier than ever before.
At the start of this year long denial period i was often greedy, i thought about a lot of unnecessary needs that distracted me, then during a brutal edging and praising (my Domme spoils me) session, some thing clicked in me: when denied, think less.
What i mean is think less about yourself. Because my Domme honestly knows whatās good for me. Oh, She wants me to edge, iāll do it right on the spot, knees open, pussy out. She wants me to stop, then i stop even if i will be convulsing like a broken record. She told me to grind air, i go grind in the slutty way She likes. She wants me to pussy warm Her all day, then i just keep that mouth on Her pussy like itās the air i breathe. She wants me sitting on the dildo all day, i sit on it like itās a life line. If i fail a task which is normal and nothing new, then i take the punishment. Donāt think about excuses, nor the possible humiliations nor pain from them. Breathe through them and get back trying.
im not going to lie, i have been thinking about orgasms a lot this past year, itās not something i can control, my body reacts and lusts for them so much lately... My brain plays orgasm scenes on a loop, im writing orgasm descriptions almost daily, and my pussy throbs and clenches hungrily after every thorough fuck. But i stopped thinking about actually cumming myself, because first, those orgasms are Hers not mine, second, there is a goal set for me earn them (thanks to obedience app). However, my Domme likes to hear my crumbling pleas as im being pushed to the edge, so i just tell Her how good it feels, how close i am to lose control, how much i like what She is doing to my pussy as earnestly as i could.
Does all this even make sense?
Anyways, itās been 9 years since we started denying my orgasms, and denial has progressively changed so much of me, itās fascinating for us to see what more awaits.
Hope i didnāt bore yāall to death with my rambling thoughtsā¦Catch yāall on the next one.
For myself to reference back and for other curious sluts:
Physical, mental, life style evolvement throughout the years.
What a journey this shy of a decade has beenā¦
