Loving Life With Light

Not sure 😕 about much of anything.. I tried, and failed. Nothing to do, but try all over... tired of wasting time, waiting, being left out...

After a major episode like mentioned in previous posts, it rocked me and caused a lot of fear and challenges presented in loss and grief. I have taken a silent step back from all my interests, friends, everything learned. In the mean time life has continued and both our siblings have produced new life, beautiful new baby girls and I'm an aunt, with is so great.

However, now I want to move forward into spring with renewed energy and permissions from self to continue forward in whatever way the divine means for me. More and less "spiritual" as I do so. I have to admit that the episode scared me, I really dislike some of the "beliefs" I was basing life within and I see now how unstable they were/are and that the produced harmful effects to me and at least a few relationships. The damage done now, looking back I know that I was overwhelmed and moving at too quick a pace to really make any quality progress. However, I also feel that I was at the end of the "school year" and had several challenges presented.

I resonate with the Indigo 3 contract however undetailed I feel that it is in relation; I feel that I do have this dual/triple self and that polarizing and becoming whole recently due to etheric energetic, spiritual surgery really did actually have an effect on me. It was so scary, and its hard to recall the details of it and how bizarre it was. However since then, the healing within has been significant once again. A whole, huge aspect of my self, and my soul has returned and I have been working to integrate and balance since. I somewhat feel like my spiritual body was in recovery after battle damage. And how I here in material realm experienced was a known distance from the inner worlds and spiritual progress being so conscious and involved in my day to day life; to a detriment, a distraction. I really do feel like I was in some kind of spiritual school for the last like 4-5 years and now -- class is out and I'm free to live life again. Therefore, require much less "study" and "research" and I have SO much less question and confusion within. About myself, the universe, my connection with spirit and creation/nature and the rest. It has been restored, however dark/light it has been along the way.

Lacking in following through on any education, business or spiritual practices lately. Simply grounded in the present reality around me, it's chaos. Like our political and global situation, it continues to change dramatically as the only constant.

B has struggled with chronic bronchitis since Nov and doesn't show signs of improvement. Recon to the house is imminent and must happen this spring/summer. As well as the storage revamp; which is a whole monster in and of itself.

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As abandonment triggers abounded last year, I struggled to get any of my "social needs" met anymore. B isn't even taking smoke breaks, and its definitely taken a hit on our "friendship" I guess, and it's difficult to even express that. But hanging out in the car, is much different than hanging out inside somehow and with the hours he's working. On top of losing friends. It's been a really big let down and just get to work, get stuff done to pass the time... Because it must improve at some point right? There are many changes still that need to be made, and I'm so tired of arguing and being belittled by, frankly everyone but Charlee in my day-to-day life. I have learned to take things less personally and not take on other people's moods and problems; unless they ask me for help and assistance. Until then man, I'm staying out of it.

The hard part is that I wish I was so much more involved with certain people, like my sister, that the struggle within is difficult because I desperately want to be there for her; someone she can call and talk to. But I'm not that person and I don't know how to get into her life to be that person or make it more transparent. Until she accepts the gestures and helps put forth the opportunities.

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When I take the perspective of disregarding spiritual ideas and concepts out of my day-to-day life; it's somewhat simpler on my brain and day-to-day function. I'm much less distracted because I'm not spending so much time in deep thought, studying, and rather obsessing over concepts to interest; my soul or mind or complex system.

When I look at the "loony" kind of stuff; light language, higher self, even reiki, etc. I feel like it really could all be its own cult. That there is a lot of built-in false-light, at the very least deep traps that one can fall into that really befall the mind into a kind of madness and at times; even psychosis or an existential crisis. Or as they would say perhaps even a spiritual awakening. When I look into that from the outside, it's much too complex to try to explain to anyone let alone "believe in" if I'm honest with myself. Not to say though, that what confounds me then; is the science that is linked to it...

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For years, I've attributed experiences I've had as "spiritual" however the episode I had this year was darker and more uncontrollable and unsettling. It's difficult to ignore the positive that actually did occur from it; including a loss of a pain and the return of my right foot working properly again with more feeling.

However, my own thoughts and imagination was lost in a fantasy reality. One that I didn't share with anyone else and it was/is alienating. Anyways, not sure how I feel about any of it anymore.

Granted theres some things that now that I "know" them I can't "unknow" them and I'll live with. Especially some of the occult knowledge and lore that is used in the media, that goes unnoticed and utilized as a weapon against us all the time; gematria and other symbols found through out history.

I'm just not sure at all where I sit with things like energy medicine because when I was passionate about it, I was turned out. Sure, it seemed to help me a lot at the time but I wasn't really doing much else to contribute to my self; it was all within my mind-body complex. I was never strict about any procedures nor was a following any rituals.

Not pooping often either. Were all having issues with it.

Sapphire 23D, and Ruby Rod coding changes may be possible, also Solar Dragons for Emerald. Ties to 9 and 11.

Yesterday had trouble staying in reality.

Today demotivated, lack of food last few days.

The NWO Agendas coming to a vs likely between Jesuit and Jewish Orders. Its a religion war, and Isreal, the US, Nato and Russia at a nuclear standoff with weather signally "bomb" storms in NW US. Strong winds causing increased power outage, and residential damages. As the blue states/stripe of the NW probably isn't accidental.

Ascensuon sources say the push on Holly is positive, what we have all been waiting for. And the Disclosure is on its way.

Access has been granted back into the inner spaces. My hubbys reaction was "great, we can do D&D again then!" Which made me laugh, because he is so right. Having taken the last 3-5 months off from my imagined and inner-healing realm spaces. I have attempted in previous months, but was still timid and uncomfortable, without much information to go off of. It was more difficult then.

Re-configuring the website as backup. I think I'll definitely be making plans to start offering Circles for Drumming, Singing/Chant and other Shamanic work in Monroe next year. In time for a gathering in the summer for re-wedding and re-vow ceremonies. But I also do intend to give back to the community. Join it, contribute to others and make new friends who are closer aligned to where I am, and where I'm going.

I hadn't really realized how negatively impacted I was from loved ones, with so many mental health issues arrising for those loved ones around me; a new awe for my own state has me feeling greateful and appreciate what conditions I have; health, great marriage, supportive family members (although not all of them are, several stick out such as my mom and aunt, who have loved me through all phases of finding myself through out time). And have learned and grown with me. And this contrast to loosing a friend who refused to discuss important things; is using tactics whether known or unknown to her which not only hurt me, but was manipulative and I don't want to believe her intention was to lie. But covering up information, refusing to disclose information, or manipulating the truth; is in fact a form of lying and manipulation. Others have been attempting to explain these things, yet I was protecting her for years. This isn't just a recent occurrence, its been ongoing. Every time I learned something, took a big step in personal growth. Rather than supporting me and being interested like others, she was recluse or get comparative with it.

Rather than doing our interest together, we were in a kind of spiritual battle that I wanted to be removed from, treated instead as a team mate. But that was not happening; she didn't show up to my moms. And that was that. It was so many months ago now that I knew this wasn't going to work out. And yet, I wanted to try to retain the friendship, involved Bowden with one last effort to see if they could respect me, and each other. But they epically failed, both of them. Bowden's honesty in all of this, saved me. Honest to god, if he wasn't able to learn and get out of the trap once and for all, I don't know what would have happened.

Angels & Guides.. Aligning with the angelic frequency in relation to prayer, praise, and singing to the one, divine source of all that is and will be. (Not just the creator, not just the early entity entitled God, but rather the super divining source of all life, and light.)

Reiki & Energy Medicine. With others and self.

Reiki Spaces and Journeying. Granted but subtly and respect for protection and protocols need to be strictly adhered to.

Light Language - Singing, Toning, Chanting - important to my own personal journey and may be shared with others in confidence. Root connection to earth, ancestors, and shamanic rites, of being alive and connected to the existing vibrations, for resonance, harmony, unity with the all, live.

Ancient History Impacts : Important but not of primary focus. Take from what I've learned and leave what doesn't resonate. Learn of more modern history when required or relevant. Honor major spirtual leaders and their lessons rather than the re-legion efforts of select groups.

Deities in Time-Space; to know is power over those who do not. A name is power and awareness to the spirtual world is wise at this time. However staying grounded and just as aware to the physical life is of primary importance to living healthy for the soul to sustain its efforts here. I do not associate with nor worship deities. However honoring cultural traditions, rites, initiations and those of peoples honest nature can be followed if in alignment to the Source of Light and based in the ethics of Compassion. Respecting also those beings who do associate with deities of their choice and supporting them if it shall benefit their wellbeing and that of others, in compassion.

Ascension & Alien Theory. Accepted as potential but not granted as the truth due to lack of evidence and follow through to the physical. However the mental and soul-spirit bodies have had a heavy impact on tithe pain/emotional and physical bodies at times in which those psychic experiences cannot be ignored or forgotten in this consideration. Belief in extraterrestrials extends to those that are likely friendly and those that are not, have strong experiences with, likely both types (et).

Tarot and Signs Reader. Granted for interpersonal use, but not to share/impose on others. I don't offer readings.

Akashic Records & Emerald Stone. Questionable however likely supported with further reflection and "practice".

Crystals. Granted for personal use.

Energetic Structures. Is likely still important to overhead plans for future with source, howver not of strong interest to me presently. Etheric Crystal use can be practiced more in preparation for Crystal grid and structures later.

I'm trying to utilize music theory and piano, as well as reiki/crystals as tools to get me through this and stay positive. However it has been difficult as of late...

Kundalini Reiki Fire, Gold and now Prism. I'll also be following up on the shamanism path. As well as Circle Facilitation, for sure when things level out well be drumming and playing more guitar, singing. Plan to get the Pleiadian Nusta Karpay Rites in Shamanism done here hopefully this week? Well see but there's a lot of alignments there last and this week to Alclone

I've noticed some reiki attunement groupings that I'd like to post here.

Fire or Flame/Heat:

Violet Flame Reiki, Sekkem Reiki, Kundalini Fire Reiki (vi), Atlantean/Lemurian Reiki (iii) Flames (5)

Soul:

Egyptian, Atlantean/ Lemurian (I, ii), Sekkem, Kundalini, Andromedan

Body-Heart-Mind-Spirit:

Usui, Karuna Ki, Kundalini, Universal, Pleiadian/Orion, Andromedan/ Perseus

Crystal:

Etheric Crystal, Andromedan/Aqualine

Uses Inner Crystal as attunement:

Recent Golden seraphim links also realized.

Now my understanding is that I may also have some aspects also of the Violet Flame Keepers also for the Holy Father arcs and rod. And this may be being realized now due to the masculine aspects unifying with my inner feminine now. As I can heal, accept and love myself and my husband and the father. Reducing the false king and tyranny but releasing control back to the universe. Trusting myself, relying on my own abilities and connections within rather than 'others'. Learning to regain some confidence and respect.

From 2021 and 22 Solar Crystal Grid work at the time, I was studying Ascension and the Crystals. This was pretty activating and important at the time. And further, there was an Etheric Aqualine Crystal structure over the Lake. This was to anchor more Divine Feminine energies. As i understood it there was some kind of bridge and a train possibly had "fallen into the lake" was a rumor but never confirmed my history of the town from anywhere. Interesting how this was, from my own understanding, to help anchor Aqua Light Codes to the area and community.

Recently I went through a heavy purge, got sick, and have been in quite a funk. I went through a weird 3 days of loosing my voice and had to take a leave from the sound baths. And I haven't really gotten healed from all the surgery and am in a limbo. Not knowing which way life will turn. Ive had to completely reevaluate my spirituality, practice and work, as well as inner identiy/personality. In which I have gotten my foot back, and had a strong inner union of masculine, feminine and inner child with higher self.

I was gifted also months ago but during these activations a Pink Rose 🌹 Crystal Flower. Accessing memories from those places they are stored: Crystal, Stone, Blood and Stone.

During the weird, or more so during and after, the Grandmother-Mother energies is what helped me get through it. There is an auric upgrade to the shield and merkaba field. 4/8/16/36. Been seeing a lot of 12/24. And 9/11 or 11/9. Sequencing the Eye of God concepts. And crown type enegies also. The staff and rod are visualized. The 12d sheild is becoming seen and better stabilized. Able to expand to much larger fields of command or influence around me.

Also related

Sekhmet

Ancestreal child

Solomon

Akashic halls

Crown and wings

Staff and rod

Atlantean waters and crystal and sound tech

Peru, andean, rites if shamanism

Druid, bards, "danu" Tribes and essenes

Gnostic and the high jack of New Age

Update: Emerald Heart Cosmic Clock Initatiations