Lovely Lost Days

15/31 of may day bail out

transcription under the cut:

Julius Sergius von Klever (Estonia, 1850-1924)

“Winter” 1876

A big problem with getting older is that your past gets longer and regrets accumulate. Although many regretful moments are mercifully lost to the fog of memory, some remain vivid over decades. Big and small, embarrassing, cringe-worthy, ill-advised things we did and said or didn’t do and didn’t say return to us through the years, jabbing us again with a fresh dose of regret and self-reproach. In those moments, we get sucked back into earlier versions of ourselves and relive the experience as both actor and a helpless observer who, through the benefit of time and experience, knows how it might have gone differently. Sometimes, when I step into one of those puddles of my past, I will catch myself scolding my younger self, even hurling insults like, dumbass!, twenty five years or more after the unfortunate event.