Re Created @ lovelornings

Hotaru was sitting inside the station, toying around with her phone while waiting. Waiting for her mother to have the time to come see her. Simply because her mother forgot her keys at home.

She only looked up once in a while when someone passed by, entered the station, any movement of other people. So it was when she saw another girl come in. A little surprised she wondered what must’ve happened. Though paid her no mind for the first moment. Until she noticed how that girl just had sat down all quietly.

“ Hey… ? “ Hotaru looked at the girl, trying to get her attention somehow, lifting a hand to lightly wave. “ What’s wrong? You seem like you’re feeling out of place here… Don’t you wanna like… tell at the reception why you’re here so you can talk to an officer? “ To her that was just a common thing to do and witness here… but that’s maybe because she’s often at the station.

❥ Just getting these tapes themselves had been a harrowing experience. Though Ayano could feel no fear for her life, no shame at the actions her mother committed - the woman’s upbringing had held a profound effect on how closely she usually followed rules. Don’t go into the basement, don’t go into the basement - It’d been like Ryoba’s voice had been echoing in the back of her head the entire time. She felt like what she was doing was wrong, despite knowing otherwise. 

She’d planned this out. She’d decided today was the day her mother’s sins would become truly known....so why did she feel like she was frozen to this chair? Why did the voice of another girl almost make her jump when she was taken out of her trance.

“It’s just...” She trailed off, unsure how she was going to finish the sentence she had only begun to say. “Well, I don’t know how to go about this. I don’t know what’s safe.” 

│⚙️│ He’d kept his gaze fixated on her at this point, his gentle smile contorting into a confused frown as he felt the weight of her hand lift away from his. He was unaware of how Ayano felt entirely about the ordeal, or just everything in general; only knowing that she’d been quick to argue his thoughts born from upsetting words. He remained deep in thought for a few moments as he pondered her statement, knowing that she was correct in saying so, but wished to find the correct words to express himself properly.

At least, he had been ready to speak until he heard the other student speak up. Out of politeness and curiosity, Kiibo seemed to still in both thinking and movements, watching her carefully. She’d looked away from him, causing the slightest buzz of anxiety in his circuits. Had he worded himself incorrectly, and potentially unsettled Ayano in the process? He didn’t want to push or chase her away; he’d considered her a friend and concerned himself whenever she expressed open worry.

So when she did finally explain herself…the robot appeared further confused, mouth slightly agape.

“If I’m understanding your words correctly…you are unable to properly express yourself emotionally, therefore you pretend to ‘feel’ like everyone around you does. But in the end, you grew tired of doing so and stop pretending. You’re attempting to inform me that you cannot feel any kind of emotion…?”

Kiibo stiffened at the thought. Many people who disliked robots were always fond of using that argument against him; that he was unable to properly express emotions due to being artificial, and therefore simply ‘copied’ everyone around him instead. To hear Ayano compare herself to a ‘cold, emotionless machine’ was rather upsetting, to say the least. Not to mention it was highly confusing. Humans were born with the natural ability to ‘feel’…right?

“My words may not be able to offer much reassurance, but if I were to provide my thoughts on the matter…” He stated, glancing away for a brief moment to ponder once again, before making firm eye contact with her. “I don’t believe you are a cold, emotionless machine. Humans feel ‘empathy’ when they witness another receiving negative attention. You stepped in and prevented the situation from escalating. And you remain here with me now, instead of pushing me away like most others do. Is that not a clear sign that you are capable of feeling some form of emotion?”

❥ She gave a slow nod at his first question of clarification, a slow feeling of dread starting to claw its way into the pits of her stomach. She’d had this conversation before, of course - with her father. With her old ‘friends’. Most regrettably, with her mother. All but the last seemed to recoil at the thought of her heart being such a empty shell - looking to her with contempt and fear. She’d never known why until recently what they saw. She wished she didn’t know. 

“I pretended to stop worrying my father. He would try everything to fix me....I couldn’t stand seeing him like that.” She pulled on the sleeves of her uniform, resisting the urge to scratch at her skin as she thought again of all the suffering she’d caused him. She was such a terrible daughter, a wretched child. 

“But I...couldn’t do it anymore. I’m so....tired, Kiibo.” She clasped her fingers together, opening and closing her hands to hide any form of trembling that was starting to build. She didn’t have the right to this feeling of self pity, whatever it was.  She needed to stop fooling herself. 

“Couldn’t do any harm. Go ahead.” she agreed, gaze having wandered to the floor at some foreign sensation of shame for it all. 

Surprisingly, she found herself reflecting on his observation - when he pointed out she’d acted selflessly in a situation she didn’t need to get involved in. Usually, she could pinpoint a reason for her actions perfectly....but she knew there had been no advantage to that. So why...?

“Mother told it was....pity.” she folded her arms, seeming to gain some minute amount of life in her as she mulled over it. Maybe....could he be...? Her thoughts momentarily drifted towards her mother’s promise of a love that could ‘fix’ everything....could that be...?

         ( ❝☂ ) – Lenore stared directly into Ayano’s eyes as the younger girl spoke, her own cerulean iris glinting with far too much eerie light for any human eye to naturally produce It cast a pale but warm glow on the young girl’s face, accentuating her gaunt face with ethereal highlights that darkened the faint shadows already shading the dips, curves, and valleys of her facial structures. Marred fingers pressed against girl’s cool cheek began to warm; a gentle but powerful feeling, like rays of sun starting to slowly but surely melt snow. With each word that left Ayano’s lips, the heat and light began to pulsate in time with young girl’s heartbeat– and, in turn, the pulsation of the young girl’s soul unseen to all except Lenore. 

         The psychokinetic’s own heart gave a nearly painful squeeze once those last few words filtered through the air:               ‘that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.’  Scarred lips as if meaning reply, but no sound came out– at least, not in the form of a human voice. Rather, a sound akin to a melody produced by chimes swaying and clinking together poured out from parted lips, their sanctimonious harmony muted as if playing from far far away. Her hand moved down so her fingers could instead curl around Ayano’s own. She started to turn away. 

         “Close your eyes,” her voice commanded, softly, far away, as her other hand raised to swiftly remove the eye patch covering her hidden eye. The moment Lenore began to walk forward again, Ayano would feel a soothing, incredibly heavy weight pushing down on her eye lids, coaxing her into following Lenore’s request. Lenore’s pace picked up once she was certain Ayano couldn’t see anything. Oh, things would work out just fine even if Ayano kept her eyes open. However, Lenore didn’t believe Ayano had quite enough fortitude to gaze around at the depths of her own soul quite yet. If the girl lost even just the tiniest bit of that conviction, they would have to find a different way out of here– a more violent and barbaric way. Not that Lenore believed herself beyond that. It would just defeat the whole purpose for Ayano to inflict anymore internal damage upon herself before they could even begin this promised healing process. 

         As they walked, Ayano would feel a warmth around her gradually heating up to the point of feeling like a warm, steamy bath. Nothing could penetrate it. Not the wind that howled around them, not the echoes of footsteps and glass shattering that reverberated all around, not the whispering and muffled laughter that eked past their ears, not the rumbling and crinkling of the ( supposedly ) solid ground beneath their feet, not even Lenore’s own humming. And then, just as instantly as it came, it all disappeared– swallowed by a glassy shimmering that morphed into the sounds of the outside mundane world. 

         “….We’re back…” Lenore panted, her voice now much rougher and exhausted then before. Her hand fell away from Ayano’s, and with it, that blanket of warmth dissipated. Lenore fell to her haunches, body quaking as she pressed uninjured hand to her face. Ahhh…. she felt so tired but so restless. She felt thrilled but terrified, curious but disgusted. Most of all, she felt like she had managed to find some harmony between all her components in the midst of all that chaos; all of Ayano’s chaos. She had to…. she had to…. 

        “….We need to get you back home… right?”

❥ As someone who had done little else than observe the world around them for her own ‘enjoyment’ - she did not miss the small, near haunting chime that came when Lenore’s lips parted. Though, Ayano did not interpret the two as being connected in any way. To her, it was probably just as it sounded - a trinket someone had forgotten to take down outside; something she was sure was more annoying than delightful to the rest of the neighbors by now. 

With just the touch of another human being to her hand, she could almost feel herself crumbling away. It would have almost been relieving, humanizing, even - if it hadn’t come at such an opportune time - immediately after she’d claimed she had no capability to feel emotions of her own. 

Just why was she reacting this way? It didn’t make any sense, and it certainly wasn’t needed for her to start trembling. She, after all, was not the true victim here. She never had been. 

Trying to not let the thoughts swimming in her head overwhelm her, she followed Lenore’s instructions without much hesitation; letting herself be lead along. There was...an incredible sensation that came along with whatever the other girl was doing at the moment. Even if she wasn’t sure what it was, the stimulus of the heavy weight on her eyelids, the calmness and warmth that surrounded her...maybe it wasn’t what true emotions were supposed to feel like, but she could imagine it was close enough to a feeling of comfort. 

Most of all, however, she tried to imprint the sensation of the other pair of fingers curling around her own into her mind. She didn’t know what made it so different from all the times her mother had held before...but she knew it was. She let her shoulders relax, entering a state of ease she’d never really known before under the eyes of her over-controlling mother and her pitiable father who’d likely known nothing but disgust for her. 

And like that, it’s gone again. But she knew better than to throw a tantrum like a child over it - hand opening and closing as it tried to remember the feeling of being held seconds after she’d lost the contact. 

Not her place to ask. Lenore looked so exhausted already...

Oka didn’t even think - she had no time for it. Ayano was her main concern. As the other students coughed and waved away the dust, the occultist knelt down to the other girl’s side, a soft hand on her shoulder. She had no intention of harm, no ill-intent, and it showed. Purple hues scanned Ayano’s injuries, brows curved. They were bad, sure, but a scar in the future would be far better than death.

“It’s…I c-couldn’t just let you die…that thing killed one of my b..best friends - there’s n-n-no way in hell I would’ve l-let it get away with it. A…are you alright? C-can you walk? The nurse’s o-office is down the hall, and all…”

Obvious concern riddled her features as she wrapped an arm around the other girl’s shoulders. Shin set his weapon down and came to Ayano’s other side, offering a hand for her. If one club member was harmed, it was a fact that the others would come to their aid. Apparantly something Ayano seemed unaware of.

Oka knew full well how that felt.

Her free hand went to cover the wound going through the other’s body to stop the bleeding. At least those random 1 am YouTube video tutorial sprees were going to good use. Shin followed his leader’s actions and covered a few of the punctures on the girl’s side.

“C'mon, Aishi-chan, you need the nurse,” he mumbled.

No one else was dying on his account.

❥ Why couldn’t you? Why not?! 

She’d probably scream it at her if she had the energy; if her ability to breathe hadn’t been cut so drastically by the damage already done to her body. Probably a hidden blessing she couldn’t. If they were going to force her to keep on living past this point, maybe it was better for her to keep that desire of hers a secret. Didn’t need anymore rumors spreading about her in this damn school.

“I’ve got a hole going through me- no. I’m not alright. There’s no way Muja’s going to be able to fix this.”

An ambulance was needed - but she’d already drained herself by talking. Though she was usually the type of person to find comfort in pain, she could barely keep herself conscious at this point. She knew she’d take up too much energy if she-

Claudine’s own grin dropped. Ah, so Aishi did know Souda; that might make things easier. Even though it was probably for the best that Aishi didn’t remember whatever ridiculousness Souda had said about her. 

“Simple. If you’re lying, you won’t be able to do what I need you to do. And although Souda-san might overexaggerate his descriptions, there’s usually some kernel of accuracy in there.” She paused and sighed, twirling a lock of hair around her fingers. “However, I’m sure whatever he’s said about me is irrelevant to this.” Probably mentioned her tv commercials or called her an angel leading him out Seisho when he was lost; all utterly unimportant.

As for that wheel chair - well, it shouldn’t change things that much actually. Claudine stepped behind her and gave it a small push. “You’ll have to point me in the right direction. This is my first visit to Hope’s Peak.”

❥ Kazuichi would have been a difficult character for anyone to forget - even without the title of the ultimate observer. For someone who seemed so anxious about the world around him, she didn’t understand why the boy needed to be so loud. 

“Fair point. I suppose the only thing you could waste was your time.” she replied, giving a small nod in the midst of her contemplation. Truthfully, there was a lot to lose, depending on the situation, if she were to lie to her....but she would not start chaos just for the sake of it. Lying had been her mother’s job.

“It’s been nothing bad, from what I can tell.” she decided to add to Claudine’s comment, even knowing it was none of her concern “If anything, he has a tendency of idolizing others.”

Then again, if she knew Kazuichi...she was probably already fully aware of that. 

{ So after giving it much thought and deliberation overnight I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to take the step forward to make my barely-canon-anymore Ayano into a full out OC 

I’ll be setting up a new blog for her under the name of Yumi Ena. ( Mother’s name changing to Ai Ena ). I will be continuing all threads there from those who desire it, and...well pretty much keep everything, including the already altered design I have for her. Backstory and names are gonna be changed around a little sure but it’s going to essentially be the same character with the name conflicts

Oh yeah, Kizana’s going to be eventually coming too as an OC but I have to make some major decision about her design 

{ I need your guys  honest opinion on something. 

@silenceindefeat

          there   was   something   unsettling   in   the   way   that   perfectly   stoic   expression   shifted   so   quickly   into   that   wide   smile .      DISTRUST   chiseled   into   her   so   deeply   that   she   was   left   ever   unsure   of   just   who   or   what   to   believe .      wasn’t   that   ayano’s   acting   was   bad ,      but   mary   had   come   to   doubt   even   the   slightest   shift   in   another’s   behavior .      couldn’t   pinpoint   what   it   was   about   ayano   that   left   the   hairs   on   the   back   of   her   neck   to   stand   on - end ,      but   didn’t   trust   the   girl   in   slightest .

          yet ,      it   was   a   distrust   seemingly   validated   a   moment   later   when   the   other   girl    actually  spoke        —       tone   childlike .      a   distinct   shift   from   her   usual   tone .      one   that   made   the   blonde   recoil       —      golden   eyes   narrowed ,      distrust   only   growing   with   every   passing   moment .      take   out   her   anger   on   her ?      just   how   INSANE   was   ayano ?      &&   what   the   hell   was   going   on   at   this   school   as   of   late   anyways ?      “      screw   off .      i’m   not   some   sadistic   freak .      ”      wasn’t   about   to   claim   she   didn’t   participate   in   the   house   pet   system   when   she   was   still   on   top ,      but   those   were   the   rules .      wasn’t   as   if   she’d   ever   actually   beaten   anybody   up .      knew   it   happened   all   too   often ,      but   had   never   stooped   so   low   herself .

          besides ,      it   was   creepy   just   how   willing   this   girl   was   to   offer   to   mary   the   option   of   beating   her .      especially   so   when   they   were   both   house   pets .      couldn’t   exactly   dismiss   it   as   her   trying   to   submit   to   the   RULES .      left   the   lingering   thought   that   ayano   was   just   some   masochist   who   was   actually   somehow   into   it .      but   that   was   impossible ,      right ?      who   could   be   HAPPY   being   seen   as   something   less   than   human ?      “      the   hell’s   wrong   with   you ,      anyways ?      just   offering   to   let   people   hit   you   isn’t   normal ,      you   know .      ”      stating   the   obvious ,      but   she   still   had   to   ask       —      thought   of   anyone   thinking   they   deserved   that   kind   of   treatment   made   her   feel   SICK .

❥ She could see the fear in Mary’s eyes - unbelieving, skeptical, disgusted by what she was facing in front of her. Ayano was familiar with it - more so than the other girl probably ever knew. She’d seen it with her father for years, after all. Almost as if she was an unearthly being...something not of this world. 

She understood why now. Why so many people at Akademi high had that same gaze - why the all looked at her like a monster. Mary didn’t know. Instead, this girl offered Ayano some sort of ...pity, was it? That’s what her mother had always called it when she felt terrible for all the suffering she’d caused her father. 

She gave a giggle more appropriate to that of a child at the rebuttal she got. The furrowed brows and recoiling body enforcing everything she already knew herself to be.

“You don’t have to feel bad,  Saotome-sama...everyone has a sadistic part of them. We all just do away with it so we can live together in society...and that’s the truth! There’s no use in denying it!”

She put her hand over her heart, ignoring how much it seemed to strain against her own words as she put on a hollow smile. She’d hated that logic, grown to spite it more and more ever since she was taught it. If it was true, than it was ever the better than someone should accidentally take things too far.  

“Oh everything, everything’s wrong with me!” her voice cracked, something between a laugh and a choked noise that almost sounded like a sob that’d she’d try and cover with laughter  that was threatening to go into hysterics; like it was the funniest thing she’d ever been asked. “My own father couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me when I was born....but if you ask me, that’s what you get when your mom’s abusive rapist. Of course he’d hate me-!” 

Her voice grew higher pitched, taking on a sing-son rhythm - trying and failing to match Ryoba’s heartless hymns. Voice still cracked, face buried in her hands with another broken laugh before it rose again. The giggling subsided for a empty smile that rested on her lips; rising to meet her eyes.

“Mother taught me everything I know....about how to get my own husband when I’m her age, about how to murder every girl that could stand in my way....”

She took a step forward with a new boldness, reaching out her hand to place it under her upper classmate’s chin.

{ ...you know, re listening to Ayano’s Lore video the other day....despite her claiming not to have any ability to sympathize with other people, she does claim to ‘pity’ her dad 

Funny thought: could it be that she actually did have some ability to feel emotion, specifically sympathy, but a combination of her depression and Ryoba’s instance that she was “exactly the same” when she was younger made her doubt herself and just label it as ‘pity’ ?