All In Time..

I told myself

I’m going to survive

I’d made a decision

In hopes that I’d thrive

I had nothing left to lose

Not even my pride

So I want all our

And later I cried

But I took their money

Set it aside

I counted my Pennies

But luck wasn’t on my side

I’d have to do more

Despite feelings I couldn’t hide

My mind was fracturing

Splitting inside

Compartmentalism trauma

Boxes of rage Tucked well inside

Nothing let to say

Before you feel dead on the outside?

How many days will you go

Feeling like you’re caught in the undertow

Of what you can’t control

Of places you’ll never know

All because

You will never have empathy for me

You will never hold me when I need it

You do not support me

I mother you like a child.

I do everything, and I am treated like I am nothing.

I hate my life with you.

Because my love is not

My love is one sided

You resent me, I resent you

I do what needs to be done, because I see with my eyes something is amiss.

You do nothing, unless told.

I carry the load, I keep things going…

What do you do?

You let me cry myself to sleep.

You blame me for small mistakes.

You treat me like you hate me, and never apologize

You yell at me to shut the fuck up

Hide in the corner.

Motherfucker

And then she wins.

The I don’t matters

Everything our lease renews

When you used to talk to the wall

Tell it your secrets

History of the fall.

In love or in life

I seem to fuck it all up.

What do you say when all you want to do is scream?

I hate it here

I would kill every single one of them

If I could get away and disappear

Into the wind like the lost soul that I am

Nobody wants me who can

And everyone who can’t, they look twice.

They see the sadness

But you don’t.

Outside I said nothing.

Because when I beg

You still ignore me.

I won’t give you the pleasure of knowing

How invisible you can make me feel.

I would rather not exist

When we get there

All I will have left

Is love

And gratitude

Because I am grateful to know you

I am thankful to have loved you

And to smear our love

With anything other than

Would be a disservice to the love

I love you from my heart

Where things hurt the most

When they are gone

That’s how I’ll feel

when you’re gone

The future we planned

was it all a sham?

I should let it go

The last 601 days

Did we hit the expiration date

Broken again

The sorry’s