♱

There, you held me in your arms

Letting me cling onto you with every last hope I had.

Like I was still something you wanted to keep.

You were warm,

It felt so real,

Enough to believe in.

I woke up reaching for you

I hated the emptiness,

For remembering the truth.

Yet you persisted in quieter ways:

A gentle trace beneath my lips,

And taste I cannot quite name,

Something warm and copper-soft,

It lingers far after it should have faded.

To leave a red on something so warm and alive,

I must not separate myself from you any longer.

The memory of your soft skin threads itself through every passing moment,

Delicate yet incessant,

Until even then your absence begins to feel like a presence.

I am forced to feed on you.

If you would only let me keep you -

Only then would you finally dissolve into me,

Your blood in my veins,

As our marrow grind into blood,

Until the idea of losing you became impossible.

And yet, my starving heart aches for more.

I would sustain myself on empty fragments and echoes of you

Even knowing it would undo me,

Again and again.

I can’t eat - I can’t even fucking breathe right

You make me sick.

Do you know what you’ve done?

I've built my day around the possibility of your reply

But you gave me nothing

Just emptiness

And this nauseating, humiliating devotion

I feel sick in the most literal way It feels like my body is punishing me for loving you too much

Perhaps you didn’t mean to disappear - but my thoughts don’t listen. They don't care. They keep circling back to you, again and again.

I miss the way you sound when you say my name. I miss knowing you’re there. 🖤