I met my first love at the age of 17 years old, i wasn’t looking for anyone and i most certainly did not think i would find anyone. I was living a normal seventeen year old life as a girl, having fun with my friends, going to parties, flirting with boys but never paying any true attention to them. The first day i met the love of my life was after being heartbroken over another boy. I seen him and i thought he was so cute, he was friends with some of my friends at the time but i didn’t talk to him any because i didn’t think he’d talk to me, after that i seen him another Time, at this point i was closed off to all boys and didn’t want much to do with them. That time i had given him the cold shoulder. the third time we are meeting again, he is the first person in the room that i saw, he was cheering me on while i chugged dome blue wave ( oh wow) and i was like omg, but i hid my excitement, i had fun with everyone that night. My friend Corey has told me that him ( my first love) wanted to hookup with me, and i was not that type of girl so i politely declined the offer. Moments after he left, i regretted not doing it. I instantly texted him on Snapchat and that’s where it all began. We talked non stop, we FaceTimed non stop, we hung out at school and after school. We shared our favorite things, we shared a restaurant where we always went Together. We were the typical 17 year old couple, it was our senior year of high school and we had a blast together all year. We shared our first time together. We shared the i love yous, the i miss yous and the i need yous. He was my everything, my heart felt so full with him, i knew i was in love with him. We went to university together, the same one. We had good times and bad times, things kept
Getting bumpy with us.. fights, disagreements, breaks. In May 2018, he broke up with me, not an explanation, nothing he was just gone and he pushed me away. But i never stopped fighting for him, all summer long i knew i wanted to be with him. In August, we got to talking again and i told him to come see me on my birthday, and he did. And that’s where everything become more for us, we talked, we had accidental hookups ( or intentional?) we started to like each other all again as if it never stopped, on December 19th he told me he loved me and wanted to get back together, i cried out of joy. I never seen this happening, i hoped for it and prayed for it but i can’t believe it actually happened again. i wanted for this. We got back together and things were close to perfect, some things happened and made our relationship bumpy again, he was up st school i was home in philly, i visited him a few times and things were okay. I fought with him a lot and he started to get fed up, he would show no effort with me and wouldn’t even call me. He had girl roommates so i would get worried about things and he just didn’t understand it. So we fought about it he kept telling me he didn’t want to fight about it anymore that it was getting old and annoying. I always said i understood him but i didn’t wnd i didn’t stop, i just wanted him to be home to me in summer so i could have him all to myself and hoped we would have the most amazing summer but he didn’t want the same, we broke up mutually again and i feel lost, i feel like you never prepare yourself for losing someone like this, people tell me there is no third chance and i get emotional, he treated me crappy sometimes and i didn’t deserve it but i stuck with it, because of all the love i had, did he have the same love? He told me he didn’t want a realtionship, how could you go from loving me more than anything to not Even wanting me at all? I have so many questions in my head, i didn’t deserve this. But did he deserve me? I love him, i miss him so much, i miss his kisses on my forehead and his hugs always were so warm, i miss playing with his soft hair and falling asleep in his arms, i miss arguing over what movie we’re gonna watch or what place we’re gonna eat, i miss holding his hand in the back of an Uber and feeling like our connection was never lost, i miss looking into his beautiful blue eyes and smiling because of his smile, his smile is something i could never forget. His laugh is like music to my ears, i wish i could hear it again. I miss going out to eat with his big family, and miss hugging him so tight. I miss helping him pick out an outfit and doing his laundry. I miss fighting over the blanket, i miss just laughing with him and being so loud. I miss the warmth i always felt with him but also the warmth he brought my heart. i miss when we would fake beat each other up and i miss all the insiders. i miss him, everything about him and everything i did with him. He was my best friend too. i lost two people in one day, i wish i didn’t walk away from you, i wish i stayed and fought for you. Even when you made me feel shitty i loved you, even when you made me feel hate i loved you more, when i was mad it made me just wanna kiss you too. My first love, my first everything. I love you forever and always, my love will live on for you. No one will ever give me butterflies like you and will ever make my smile as bright, no one will laugh at how weird i am like you. I love you i just wanna say it one last time. My precious baeby. Everything is nothing without you.
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