v

moms when you are already extremely overwhelmed and in a terrible headspace: I think I’m going to rearrange all of the furniture and vacuum the ceiling in every room

moms the morning after you cry yourself to sleep in abject despair: so I’m thinking I’m going to replace the carpet in the house. all of it. right now. after 25 years. you’re going to have to help me move everything and then sleep in the kitchen for a couple of nights

Fag the fuck up bro

oh, what? am I the bad guy? just because of how I betrayed you, you'd cast me as the traitor? [tries to drape over the nearby throne forgetting I dramatically meandered a small distance away] [falls directly into the firepl

kicking my feet and giggling like a schoolgirl in love to myself while muttering "i'm going to kill you. i'm going to fucking kill you"

filtering down ao3 results from 14000 to 6 based on a single tag is foul. im sorry none of you are as enlightened as me ig.

my 12 year brother is talking to his friend on the phone and trying to arrange plans to go over to his house this afternoon and was saying that our dad could drop him off maybe and i just heard him say "well i could maybe come over earlier but my dad is busy sharpening his scythe"

muffled voice coming from the phone speakers: how long till the scythe is sharp

no one on ao3 is catering to my vague non-specific desires :(