we were listening to lover's rock.

"i will be the judge of that. " he retorts without thinking, moving easily with the pull of noah's arms until he's on top of him, elbows caging him on either side of his head. " i don't know that until i know the payoff, hm ? " brows pull up as if a serious argument has been made. " and for the record-- i was just curious. but you're being weird about it, so now i need to know. " his nose nudges against noah's. he means every word. " the longer you keep dodging the question, the longer this is going to take. "

he sighs, dramatically, releasing noahs wrists to flop down on the mattress next to him. it's an easy thing, being in noah's space. he's never felt like an intruder there until just now. " you're shutting me out. " it's not a question, merely a matter-of-fact observating. " kind of rude, after everything i just did for you. " he knows sex doesn't entitle him to anything about noah's life, but it's the only card he has to play. " i see how it is-- i'm just sex to you. "

he's not joking. the realisation dawns on him slowly. sasha lets out an incredulous laugh, hands now fully abandoning noah's knees as he leans forward to reach for his wrists. " are you for real ? " he poses the question despite knowing the answer. " what is so terrible about this that you can't just tell me ? " he only considers the option that noah might just be vain for half a second. he's gorgeous, handsome-- but not vain. " it can't be that long of a story. "

the tone shifts. it happens so suddenly sasha freezes mid-motion, hand still pressed to noah's knee. " what are they from, then ? " he's prying. and he shouldn't. but this is the kind of thread he can't help but pull at. noah's never been this snappy with him before-- it's kind of cute, if he's honest. " if you keep being vague i'm going to keep asking. " he lifts his hand from noah's knee, finally, but only to prod a finger into the other male's bicep. " come on. always better out than in-- my mama would always say that. "

the laughter should put him at ease. it definitely should. because there aren't many things that have happened, not many causes for scars across his life, that are worthy of laughter. maybe when devon tripped him getting italian ice on state street, a memory so worn with care and light at the edges that it made his chest hurt, but save for that scar, everything else had been awful. but even still, the laughter puts him on edge. "it's –" a heaving sigh. "never mind." he doesn't want to do this. this is decidedly not how he would want this information to come out, and noah doesn't even want it out in the first place. "could you just stop ??"

" and what if i don't want to stop ? " he counters with the same breezy, carefree air. noah's hockey-ego is getting bruised, but that's fine. it can take some bruising. " you're not seriously so up your own ass you can't admit you fall every now and then, right ? " sasha is being annoying-- it's where he excells. his fingers trace the dips in noah's skin, find one right on the edge of his kneecap to dig into. " you're being stuck up. "

noah can feel his stomach twist as soon as sahsa's fingers roam. he's never been one to duck from the other's touch, not since they met. but noah shifts his legs, and he doesn't mention how they happened. he doesn't want to talk about it. instead he hums, like he's listening absently. he watches the cloud from the vape wrap around sasha, blue eyes trained on the way his lips purse. until one more poke sends a new wave of discomfort snapping up his spine. "sash, stop." he doesn't want to talk about them.

noah is not the sensitive type. maybe that's why sasha laughs at the way his legs shift away, the sudden defensiveness in his tone. " oh come on. " he turns to look at him, sitting cross-legged on the mattress, one hand planted firmly on the other's pockmarked knee. " don't be a baby. you weren't always a star, yes ? even olympians had to learn to skate. "

noah doesn't know about whatever balance sasha is seeking, but he does know that the idea of any photos of him makes his stomach turn. "that's not it." he replies, shaking his head. his brows furrow, and for a second, he can't wipe the disgusted sneer off his face when he sees the photo. but then sasha's putting the phone away, and wrapping his hand around the back of his neck again, and the grin makes his brain short-circuit again. one thing i don't like is complaining. got it, so he shouldn't say just how uncomfortable it is for him to be in photos. he hates that shit bad. maybe next time, he'll just make sure that he's distracting enough that sasha forgets his phone. keepsake. don't complain. a beat, "you don't need a keepsake if you just keep me around." he replies, pulling sasha in closer to him. after all, isn't that what he wants ?? finding someone who isn't going to expose his secrets, someone who treats him like he matters, those are kind of the types of things that he wants. and he's not about to explain what his fucking problem is with photos. "or is that too much commitment for you?"

teddy is used to things going to shit. he’s used to people being angry — he’s used to getting hurt. it feels so stupid that he can’t hold back his reactions this time. he's been through worse. he really has. he doesn't know how to bare his teeth anymore – he's too tired. because surviving it, and fighting back, that was so exhausting. he had done it for so long. but then – he did fight back when it happened. he just can't right now. maybe someone else might be okay with nursing you back to health. teddy gets it. he really does. because it was the other way around, he'd probably be vibrating with rage. he can hear the tremor in cash's voice, the way that it's thick with stress just because of how much he hasn't been able to do. cash says his ribs are broken, that he can see the fingerprints of it– it all hurts. "cash, it's not like i don't get that." a beat, "but i don't even KNOW who did this ?? and i don't –" a beat, "and – didn't you just get out of jail ?? like – i don't need you to retaliate. i can fight my own battles." he knows cash doesn't think he can, knows it all looks bad, but he can fight his own battles. he fought back, he handled a bunch of other shit on his own. bar fights were kind of regular for teddy. but three verses one, he was never going to win that.