♰

was i on Drugs when i wrote this oh my GOD?

everything and nothing is the same…       those are the only words that replay in lottie’s twisted mind as she looks at juliette.       it is normalcy at what cost?       even hunter and pray do a dance before one is devoured by the other    —    it’s just nature.       (    it is not lottie’s fear of what her old friend may do to her,       but what lottie may do to juliette.       a life in a cell of solitude is one thing,       but animalistic obsession and longing has driven lottie to do things she hadn’t thought possible,       and there is no doubt it will again and again.    )       there’s sudden warmth as juliette’s lips meet her own…       and against better judgement,       lottie melts into it.       she is sickeningly starved for affection    —    or maybe she’d just wanted this all along.       a desire that had been long buried under cannibalistic urges and cult like characterization.       kisses are for goodbyes and hellos,       and this feels like the latter.       lottie is frenzied with widened eyes and the quirk of her lip,       (     the direction in which they go is one thing lottie cannot tell…       a smile or a frown were all the same to her.    )       “       it’s okay.       ”       is all she can manage without her waterline flooding with tears.       her hand is hesitant,       twitchy even,       as she reaches juliette’s hand    —    offering it a squeeze.       i think i might have needed that,       is something lottie does not add.       their respective dispositions are difficult enough when isolated…       now it is all too complicated.       lottie’s lip is beginning to quiver before she turns away,       leaving juliette’s hand emptied and dangling.       “       i’m sorry,       i’m the one who should be sorry.       and i am…       you don’t deserve any of this,       anything i’ve put you through.       ”

LOTHEWS.‎‏‏TUMBLR.COM ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ by ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎lux.

lottie matthews cannot recount a single time she was all right.       ( maybe,       though,       she had been once.       winning a soccer game or strung out on her meds. )       all right has taken up a new meaning now.       she’s still breathing,       still cowering in some weirdo’s cabin after a fucked up plane crash.       lashes are thick being peered through with groggy eyes.       she doesn’t know how long she’d been asleep,       but there’s a ringing in her ear and a sharp sting on her forehead.       “       thanks,       jackie..       ”       is the only two words she can find reasonable to choke out.       confirm nor deny being all right is something she cannot do.       there’s a beat of inquisition       —       a hand massaging temple,       chill down twisted spine.       “       did something..       did something happen?       ”

the city of gotham was like a pool of sharks.       one drop of blood in the water and they’d circle around it unless they could find something else to fulfill their bloodlust.        ( everybody knows;      lottie’s name is plastered on gazette after gazette...       and no longer for winning soccer tournaments. )        she’s turning into her own worst nightmare,         the very thing she once dreamt about and dreaded,        and she can feel it.          but does it really scare her?       a reputation running through her fingers like water?        “       no   ──   but i’m sure it bothers my father.        ”          her voice trails off.         something seems to hit her,       and for once lottie realizes that she’s only been hanging out for others    ──    because they’d wanted her to...        because she herself had no other option.         “       it’s not about me...        ”          eyebrows are knit above dark,      sullen eyes.            “       does it not bother you at all?       to be associated with me?         all the photos in the yearbook...        people know we were friends.        our names are in the descriptions.         charlotte matthews ( right ) and juliette king ( left ) pictured showing their school spirit.        ”