awake, alive, free.

Also rockets

I made it.

 Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek TNG, "Peak Performance."

Rennicance festivals bring out the best in my spirit.

Not for anything its done to me. I can't stand what it's doing to its alleged fan club. There is no reason this level of guilt and shame should be able to effect such good people.

I keep replaying the same pathetic narrative in my head. I can’t break away. I’ve lost touch with my friends I’ve lost touch with the little family I had I can only reflect on years past. The hope and the depression of 20 attempts to make today mean something else. This year I don’t have the pressure of Larry. I don’t have the hollow invitations from “friends”. I don’t even have the little diner offering the turkey plate for the people who couldn’t get their shit together or just wanted to pretend that today was special. I remember where I was last year at this hour. I remember it perfectly, like not a moment has passed. I can remember two years ago. Three. This year I asked to be alone. as if I’ve ever wanted to be alone. Even for a moment. At least I can pretend I have some semblance of control. I don’t have anywhere to be. I don’t have a home. I keep running and running thinking that if I get far enough away from my past I’ll be able to start over. Not this time. Maybe next year it’ll be different.

"October is my favorite season." Like it was yesterday.

I hope you are happy. You truly deserve it.

yay wildlife.