Spencer Hamilton.

jaykob couldn’t care less about who could hear their conversation, his mind was far too busy thinking of all of the things that were about to happen. the man took a few steps into the room before closing the door behind him and locking it. “lets make use of it shall we?”

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Drop me a character name and I’ll reveal my muse’s heart...                        

VISUAL ATTRACTIVENESS: 💗💗💗💗💗(purely aesthetic appreciation of looks)

FRIENDSHIP LEVEL: 💗(how close a friend they consider them)

SEXUAL DESIRE: 💗💗💗💗💗(wanting to have sex with them)

         B R E A T H E   M E  // SPENCER HAMILTON   | |    A PLAYLIST

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Neediness

Being affirmed and nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. This means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. Yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defences and accept that you need another person. This lack of pretence is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

Shyness

Part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. The upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. Probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. But when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

Playfulness

a soft grunt escaped wren’s parted lips when there was an unexpected weight over him. eyes opened just slightly and he glanced down, aware that the other could probably see a double chin AND up his nose from that angle, but he smirked WILDLY anyway. in a swift movement, the crimson haired male slung an arm around spencer’s back and flipped their positions, teeth and lips immediately attacking the pale skin of spencer’s shoulder and neck. “ stink so good, “ he teased back once he pulled away, moving his body to straddle over the other. “ yeah ? — just want to wash your hair. would you like that ? “

                spencer’s accusing rant enters one of his ears & almost immediately exits the other. he’s working on calming himself down, breathing surprisingly even & the thin skin of his knuckles no longer tight & blindingly white. thankful for the fact that they’re in his tattoo shop where there’s a high risk of being injured, he grabs one of the many first aid kits & makes his way back to spencer. with a gentle hand, he pushes his knees apart & finds his place between spencer’s thighs, solely for the sake of taking care of his bleeding hand. he doesn’t need to guide him through the process, the younger knows exactly when it’s going to sting.         ❛     so,     ❜         he begins right after clearing his throat & moistening his lips with a quick swipe of his tongue. his eyes are glued to the blood he’s getting rid of, even though he can feel spencer’s breathing on his face.         ❛     the day after you proposed to me, when i told you i was going to the store to pick up some stuff & took a real fuckin’ long time to get back, forgot half the shit i was supposed to get … remember that day ?  i actually went to esse, said i’d work for him for another month in order to get the money that i needed & after that i was out. the bitch wasn’t having it. cheekily said i was his favourite & that he couldn’t let me go. told him i’d visit from time to time so that he wouldn’t miss me too much.     ❜         he snorts at it, though he doesn’t find it even slightly funny.         ❛     he didn’t like that. we got in a fight, but … long story short, he said i had valuable information & that i could destroy the gang if i opened my mouth. said he’d kill you in front of me if i left or if i disobeyed him once. start by cutting your toes, fingers, ears … eventually perform a full evisceration. he called me his bitch, said i belonged to him & that i always would.     ❜         he’s still impressively collected, but is speaking with longer pauses between his sentences, as if some toxic gas is straining his lungs. cleaning spencer’s wound is not something that he’s aware of doing, his trained moves are mechanical   ——   he’s done this on himself more times than he can count.         ❛     i hope that you understand that putting your life in danger by asking you to stay here & hide our relationship or run & fear for our lives every single day while a gang is hunting us was not even an option for me. i knew i wasn’t going to get a happy ending   ——   i still know i won’t   ——   but it’d all hurt a little less knowing that you’d get yours. i mean, it hurt like a motherfucking bitch, but living with the fact that you’re somewhere in love with another guy is less painful than you being buried in the dirt.     ❜         he grabs some gauze & carefully starts wrapping it around spencer’s split-open knuckles, taking a few seconds before he decides to break the silence once again.         ❛     never told you, but i was savin’ some money. needed another month’s pay from both esse & the shop to be able to afford this HOUSE i was eyein’. ‘t was motherfuckin’ perfect. it’s not far from here, i can show it to you if you want. think some idiotic family lives there now. i used to hang out there almost every single day after i left you.   ——-   you say that i fell out of love & got scared of marryin’ your ass, while i was there dreamin’ of us livin’ together in that fuckin’ house. me openin’ my own lil shop. us adoptin’ & raisin’ a kid together. havin’ a fuckin’ dog, a buddy for my lil bee. shit, man. i had it all figured out. i was ready.   ——   guess it wasn’t meant to be. not with you, not with anyone. ‘s why i’m so casual about droppin’ dead, penny. my life ain’t gettin’ any different or better than this. i’ll never be able to make any changes. and that’s okay.     ❜

He had relaxed slightly when Jett settled between his thighs and started tending to his throbbing hand, heart swelling, inwardly cursing himself for momentarily forgetting how GENTLE the other could be. Spencer HISSED a couple of times when the raven haired thug tended to his wound, the contact upon his raw flesh hurting a bit but which PALED in comparison to what he was hearing. When Jett spoke he watched him with WIDE and blue hues, every word that escaped from his lover’s tatted lips invading his ears like a bittersweet melody. After all he was getting what he WANTED right? Jett was telling him what he asked to hear. This wasn’t what he fucking wanted. Not at all. And though he continued to LISTEN, he could feel the anger boiling up under his skin and the younger, who once upon a time sought purpose through love was now consumed by hatred. He wasn’t even aware he was clenching his fists.

Spencer’s unconventionally quiet when Jett stops talking, everything suddenly making PERFECT sense, coming into focus. “I’m going to KILL him.” He finally says, his words spoken as a promise that he was going to MAKE sure he fulfilled. His breathing starts to quicken as he nods his head, mentally trying to form some sort of plan as he jumps to his feet, freshly wrapped hand twitching as he could already feel the blood seeping through the gauze. JETT needed to be fucking freed and now it was Spencer’s TURN to save the man that he loved. The younger wasn’t one for THREATS, never necessarily outright violent except for a few pub fights here and there but he was certain of one thing, HE was going to take another man’s life. “You’re GETTING your fucking happy ending, Jett cause if there’s one person on this damn tortured planet that deserves happiness it’s YOU!” He was shouting, not like he was mad at Jett but mad at the damn universe in general for how it treated the other. NONE of this was fair and right now, in this moment it had nothing to do with Spencer.

which time ? wren wanted to ask the male, considering there had been multiple times in his life where he was left behind, hurt, forgotten about because of how easily he gave his heart out – how EVIDENTLY he wore it on his sleeve. the redhead may have been anxious about everything because he was so used to it not going his way. that loneliness he felt was slowly creeping up through his prominent against pale skin veins, and he gingerly leaned into the other’s touch. pressing the side of his head against spencer, he sighed happily and VISIBLY relaxed. “ — - we should take a shower before we get to bed, “ he suggested with a raised brow.

slowly pulling himself into a half sitting position, wren brought both of his hands to his face and TIREDLY wiped over his eyes with the heels of them. he was extremely grateful for the male beside him not judging his small melt down. the blanket pooled at his waist, but he  s u n k  further into the mattress with his eyes casted downward as he intently listened to the other speak. a brow raised, clearly doubting the other’s words, but he stayed quiet in order to REALLY hear him out. the rumpled auburn hair on his head stood in all different directions while he offered a weary sort of smile. the feeling of thumbs gently tracing over the skin of his thighs had him relaxing in the slightest, and he craned his neck to look over again. “ hm ? “ he inquired, befuddlement written over his face for a moment as he opted to ignore the question of who hurt him. “ i’m alright. — - i can wait. “

a hand found its way to wren’s face and he barely put up any resistance against turning his head toward the male. as spencer held his face within his hand, wren felt liquid heat involuntarily running down both of his cheeks. if he wasn’t embarrassed before, crying in front of spencer would surely do the trick. what was he supposed to do, though ? spencer was speaking so KINDLY to him, the obvious adoration evident within his tone and actions, and wren was SO lost inside his own head that he could barely appreciate it. “ i understand, “ he managed to get out, voice hoarse. “ i don’t want to understand and i want you to be with me right now, but i get it. you have to take care of your stuff. you don’t want to hurt me. “

BREAKING their gaze, wren tilted his head away from the male beside him on the bed. he stared at nothing in particular while they spoke, that all too familiar feeling of REJECTION on the forefront of his mind. though, he wasn’t sure if spencer was rejecting him completely or just telling him to wait. wren would wait, he would, as pathetic as it sounded. there wouldn’t be a time in his life where he wouldn’t drop WHATEVER he was doing for the other holding onto him. “ okay , “ he simply agreed, attempting his best to will away the tears threatening to blur his vision. once he’d done that, he obeyed and chanced a glance toward him. as they continued to speak, however, it was becoming PAINFULLY obvious that the other male was warning him off, admitting these horrible things so wren would stay away. spencer definitely didn’t want him, but cared about him enough to at least L I E to save embarrassment, and for that, he was grateful. in that moment, spencer’s touch felt HOT and not in the way it usually did, the way wren enjoyed. it fucking hurt.

offering a short nod of his head in understanding, wren wrapped his arms completely around the male before his palms g e n t l y and reassuringly rubbed at his bare back. how RAW , how emotional spencer was being was something the redhead wasn’t used to ever witnessing. if he did, it was those rare occasions when the two of them were so sloppy drunk that it was okay to act that way. he didn’t realize that he’d been holding in a breath until his airways felt constricted and his eyes were red-rimmed. when the other asked that one question, wren’s multi-colored hues searched between either of his friend’s eyes.          “ you can try. “     it was the best and most HONEST answer wren could come up with, even if it foreshadowed their ultimate heart break. knowing that spencer was incapable of loving only him was something he had accepted long ago — thinking he never would have been loved in this way at all. he assumed there were worse things he could be than sharing a third of his heart. hands found their way back to his friend’s face as he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away stray tears, worrying his bottom lip as he did so. “ just — “ he paused, looking over the male with earnest eyes. “ you can’t do this to me if you can’t promise you’ll try. “   his eyes casted downward and he was choking on his own words. “ please love me properly. “