Building My Wall One Brick At a Time..

I live in a dream. No really! Look right there can;t you see my walls. Building all around me? Cant you tell I haven't left in years? Can’t you see time stands still here. Isn’t that fun!? Living in a dream? But

I can’t let you stay.

My dreams can’t hold you too

Hmm, I know, take a picture...

Sorry I won’t smile make sure to get the unmade bed and the rotting food oh hows my hair? Right. ok

Don’t forget me. My mind is up in the clouds but my heart will...never leave either...but my eyes look right

at

What if I invited myself to a picnic? What should we eat? Should I wear my red dress or my silver boots? Should I think of a funny anecdote or listen to my soft breaths. In..out..in...out...in.

Will they cry for me?

Yes. Will it even matter?

Yes. Should I extend myself into light?

Or recoil into the warmth of self?

Faith is gone. Hope remains.

dear god, please give me the strength

I pray in a mirror because I am god....she/ they/ he/ xe

Sing..

She sings her songs...

They sing tales of woe and sorrow...

The sigh of a friend sounds like the breath of an enemy.

Don’t chase after me..

Did you hear that song about those kids who fell in love?

They sit alone in the hall of fame

Frantically singing.

It’s right here...no....right here. In the pit of my stomach

Pain moves closer inside me. Holding the

dager

of death and the sweet elixir of

and you know something else fuck this man fuck him i hate work i hate working for people i hate the way they look at me i hate the way people stare at me i know what they are thinkning fuckk this 

one day at a time no one gives a shit about anyhting me too

no one  c a r e s  a t  a l l

Come in

Watch me, watchme, watch, her, watch them, watchwatch

Today I kissed my hands, my arms, caressed the hairs on my legs. Touched

Realized I was still alive,,still

It was in the silence. The way they hugged themselves, as if they were to fall apart if they let go. Hold tight. Tighter. Reminder yourself you exist. in this body you exist. not just any other body but this one. THis one right here. this one. look around, realizes its just you and yourself. They/them. Realize its always been that way. They sit and hold themselves, as if they had no one else. they have no one else. They hug themselves in silence. they look and touch and realize this truth. When she looks at others they don’t look back. unmemorable that’s  why. she stairs. she wants to learn from them. wants to know their mannerisms. how they live. how do they do it. how do they breath and sit and look. without hesitation. how. how. she admires. she stairs. she tries to learn, 

Today my body feels heavy~~~~~~~~~~~ Every step i forget . i look up and realize i am moving. not me but my body. on it’s own. step step step step. dragggggggg......moveeeeeeeeeee/////e/e/eeeee/// heavy . i am outside of my body. i am in the clouds, i see me. she looks sad. she looks dead in the eyes. nothing is in her (their) mind. she drags her feet. i can heear her not picking up her feet. what a drag she is. oh