HILDA, OF LORULE. *

❛ no? i almost thought you did. ❜ she only jests now, clear as day as she tilts her head to take a look at hilda. her fingers trace over her own tea cup, the gold woven in porcelain so bright and yet so quick to shatter. ❛ i cannot say there is anything exciting to share. unless you wish to hear about my dear brother's latest dinner conversation. ❜ she grins. her face relaxes, then, as if contemplating. and perhaps she was. ❛ you know, they say that one's haven is wherever their loved ones are? everyone has somewhere that they cherish deeply, don't they? whether it's home or anywhere they feel safe. ❜ she smiles, her voice tender. ❛ everything and every word i've shared with others is my own haven. it makes my home, made a place where i sleep. it is often so wonderfully bright and brilliant to think of. your presence here reminded me of that. ❜

dialogue prompts from we were the universe: a novel by kimberly king parsons.

loss is the lesson life teaches, ready or not.

the body is an efficient machine. it knows what it can get away with.

you know i need my emotional support bitch.

nobody ever gets 'wracked' with anything good.

what the hell happened?

time away lets you appreciate the good in your life.

i'm dedicated to aimlessness.

i'll pay anybody who can make ____ disappear.

money is random and meaningless, and i want some more of it.

i wish i knew you before.

if you have to think about breathing, there's a good chance you're not doing it.

whatever is about to happen, it can't happen here.

if anybody really knew the real me, i'm certain they wouldn't want to.

i don't understand the problem with shortcuts, so long as something pleasant is on the other side.

we're born with only one fear: falling.

what a beautiful life you have ahead of you.

a 'meaningful nature experience' is a real thing. you can read about it on the internet.

i'm too tired to sleep.

peril is when endorphins kick in and make everything sparkle.

are you pissed at me?

you have your own version of the truth. you embroider.

how do you know what you want?

i never know if i want what a model is wearing or if i just want her.

why do we so often look our best when we feel our worst?

never having an opinion is a form of control.

if you keep everyone you care about separate, you'll always have their undivided attention.

how can you know so much about everything? when do you have time to learn?

i'm going to tell you something, okay?

i'm forgetting things i thought were unforgettable.

knowing where a trap is doesn't mean you know how to avoid it.

mama tried, as the song says.

you can't change, or won't.

euphoria comes in waves. same as grief.

i'll never get out of here.

any party you're not invited to seems like it's full of assholes.

everything in moderation. even moderation.

sometimes slow is the fastest way to get where you want to be.

if you squint, this could pass for a meaningful experience.

i love you, but you have to get yourself together.

it's like you're not you, lately.

i'm sorry my night terror was so traumatic for you.

i did some violence in the bathroom.

what if i'm not me?

it's been a weird week. you ever have a weird week?

my therapist let me go.

sorry i'm a dipshit.

people don't really know a lot.

nobody asked you to be my babysitter.

my new thing is pretending to be over it until i'm over it.

i'm going to put out some snacks.

our bodies can know things that we don't.

how lucky that we've always had this.

we store our childhood homes in our bodies.

is there anybody able to help you?

we have a doorbell, you know.

let's go out. let's do something crazy.

how come you never ask me to babysit?

i like you so much.

play the game. look alive.

ever done ecstasy? molly, i guess they call it now.

how are any of us still alive?

i want to be graceful. i want to have style.

when i was young, i was a dancer.

anxiety comes from not knowing how a story ends.

can i lie on the ground and close my eyes?

you're not so scary anymore.

knowing where you're really needed is a life skill.

you could have told me sooner, you know.

moving from shame to humiliation is not easy.

what a curse it is to be so approachable.

listen, i love you, but you scare the shit out of me.

you can't make something happen by saying it.

it's hard to know how to help.

i'm not mad. i know why you did it.

i've been in a place where nobody could reach me.

grief isolates. it makes you feel unknowable, unknown.

today, we clear a path. that's it. just a path.

the most rewarding theft is the one you pull off boldly. in broad daylight.

i can't move on until you let me rest.

the book says we have to set intentions.

what i want is to play like a little kid. to be free and curious and not fucked up.

i want to feel only this.

is this going to take a gruesome turn?

you are mine, now and always.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

     𝕿HERE IS A 𝕿HORNWOOD 𓂃₊☁︎  a selective and private blog for a fantasy & slavic folklore-based zoya nazyalenskaya completely detached from the grishaverse fandom

WHERE HER HEART SHOULD BE * ( headcanon & alternate universe heavy / prev. #godwitch ⊹ ━ exalted by corazón, she/they, 21+, est. 2018

you'll never get what you want .

we need to stay together . no 'splitting up' bullshit .

nobody ever prepared me for this .

so you've just been lying to me this entire time ?

there's too much blood , i can't stop it .

this is over when i say it's over .

[ name ] , be careful . i've already lost enough people that i care about .

i never should have trusted you .

this is getting really out of hand , okay ?

i feel like we're not alone .

revenge is the best medicine !

put your head on straight , this isn't over yet .

maybe we should ... y'know , check it out ?

run . run and don't stop .

i thought i saw something ... i - i must be going crazy .

you couldn't pay me to go down there .

the cops are on their way .

would you rather stay here and die ?!

there's no such thing as [ ghosts / demons ] . it's made-up .

you aren't going anywhere .

i'm putting you out of your misery .

i know you think you're untouchable , but they will kill us .

you shouldn't have touched that .

we aren't going to make it out of here , are we ?

why are you following me ?

there has to be a medical kit here , somewhere .

i'll go with you . strength in numbers , right ?

don't move ... a fucking muscle .

fuck , the door is locked from the other side .

don't get ... dead , okay ?

that was the only [ bullet / round / flare ] we had .

did you really think it would be that easy ?

we've come too far , we can't turn around now .

put down the [ weapon ] . please .

come on , help me barricade the door .

[ name ] , is that ... blood ?

haven't you seen a horror movie ? the blonde always dies .

it was you ? YOU did this ?!

you are gonna fucking pay .

i'm going to give you ten seconds . nine , eight ...

i want you to admit what you did .

hey , look at me -- it's not real . it's not real .

do you think they're watching us right now ?

we're in this together . no one gets left behind .

let them go ... please , just let them go .

oh my god , what the hell was that ?!

you know i'm capable of this .

i had to ... i had no choice .

you don't have the guts .

this is fucked up , this is so fucked up .

what we're dealing with isn't even human .

you need to hide . find somewhere & don't come out .

stop ! don't touch that . we don't know what it is .

i've done bad things to good people .

if they catch us , they will kill us .

why are you covered in blood ?

i can't ... i can't feel my -

[ name ] is dead . i saw it happen .

what , you're gonna kill me ? i don't believe you .

there is an evil in you . i see it .

this shit only happens to people in horror movies .

forget about me , just save them .

what's one reason i shouldn't kill you right now ?

you aren't supposed to be here .

please don't . i'm begging you .

are you scared ?

whatever happens , don't let go of my hand .

[ name ] , this isn't you .

well , what the fuck are we supposed to do ?!

get out of my house before i call the cops .

you're going to regret that .

there's that smile ... i'm glad it's the last thing i'll see .

still not looking at your ass .

does it hurt ?

a first - aid kit ,  yeah … that’s something we should have ,  right ?

what kind of psychopath doesn’t use a pen ?

come voluntarily or you’ll be taken by force .

is that why you’ve been so moody and unpredictable ?

absorbent is as absorbent does .

well ,  that’s a felony .

you could’ve killed me !

it’s nice to see a familiar face .

i need to find  [ name ] .

a little help ,  please .

when i find [ name ] ,  i am gonna torture her .

you’re alright now .

[ name ] ,  you came .

[ name ] ,  i need you to come with me .

i don’t even get where you’re going .

you PROMISED you’d be honest .

let me have a sip of thinking juice ,  here .

what aren’t you telling me ?

so you also lied to me about NOT lying ??

i need to atone for my recent history .

we’ve all done bad things to each other .

you’re being forgetful .  or kind .

next time someone has to risk their lives ,  YOU’RE IT !

god ,  you are such a …

i would do literally anything to keep her safe .

sometimes life is a real backpack of balls .

i am so serious ,  shut your mouth .

if you die ,  i’ll kill you !

don’t you know how dangerous this is ?

i swore to protect you .

listen ,  we can help each other ,  alright ?

is everything a sex joke to you ?

who’s a girl gotta screw around here to get a gun ?

that sounds kinda lesbian .

[ name ] ,  how could you ?

i’ll show you how it’s done .

you’re stronger than i expected .

i told you ,  i’m leaving .

[ name ] ,  what the hell ?!

are you real ?

something  here  is  pretty  off .

we’ll  think  a  little  better  with  some  fire  in  our  bellies .

say your piece ,  [ name ] .

it’s just so good to be home .

who are you ?

i thought i’d be safe in here .

the only place scarier than in here ,  is out there .

i didn’t mean it like that .  not at all .

please don’t say you’re sorry anymore .  you don’t need to be .

vacation’s over ,  assholes !

please tell me everyone’s okay ,  [ name ] .

what really happened to  [ name ] ?

i know i let everyone down .

i hope that means there’s no hard feelings .

as you all know ,  i excel at having opinions .

i wish i knew what we were up against .

don’t yell at me .

home - brewed mold juice will NOT defeat pure evil !

at first i thought it was irrelevant ,  but then i figured it out .

what does a  [ last name ]  know about keeping their word ?

there’s been enough crime today .

[ name ] ,  what’s going on ?

why do i taste skunk ?

that would get my slacks off in a second .

please don’t get off on the wrong foot .

i know every curve .  every sigh .  every taste .

yeah ,  i guess i forgot .

i can’t wait for the rest of our lives to unfold .

sorry ,  i’m just .  i’m so distracted .

thanks for taking care of my friend .

i feel like i can handle it .

baby ,  i’m sorry nobody’s here .

you’re sorry we’re alone in the house ?

i could introduce you .

i’m merely here to conduct business .

everyone knows you’re  [ name’s ]  man .

stand down ,  big boy .  all it is to me is interesting .

i’m sexy ,  i’m cute ,  i found it in a boot .

sometimes i feel like you’re keeping me a secret .

love wins ,  after all .

you stay away from us .

even if your family sucks ,  you don’t .

you  …  opposite of suck .

crush ?  don’t say that ,  okay -  not here .

there’s easier ways to say you feel different .

can we go ?  now ?  like ,  right now ?

rule number one ,  we do not work for the enemy !

you’re better than this .

what do you want me to do ?

you wanna see childish ?  how about this ?

i know you  …  and you know me .

what the hell is this place ?

i don’t have my gun !

you have me .

it’s high time we leave this place .

i got you .  i got you .

what did you do ?!  idiot ,  what did you do ?!

all i have is my people .

i owe you nothing .

you may be dumbstruck but you’re not an idiot .

what are you doing sleeping with a pistol under your pillow ?

it’s my bedroom ,  i’ll ask the questions .

i’ve been keeping watch .

we don’t talk about that anymore .

oh my god ,  don’t ever do that to me again !

say hello to my little friend …

in the future ,  if you wanna hurt me  -  just say please .

give me one good reason why i shouldn’t pluck your eyes out like grapes  …  then steal these shades .

i’ve made my own fate .

i knew you could handle yourself .

demons can’t hold their liquor .

you are a welcome sight for these sore eyes .

it’s so good to be home … and in your arms .

extreme makeover ,  homo edition ?  kill the drill .

what choice do we have ?

speaking of the team ,  has anyone seen  [ name ]  since this morning ?

all that matters is he’s safe .

we all did what we had to do to survive .

what’s happening to me ?

i can’t wait anymore .  it’s been over a year .

can you help ?

the price is steep .

i will do anything to get her back .

[ name ] ,  it’s all coming back to me .  i did something terrible .

sweetie ,  it’s okay  –  just  …  spit it out .

any man that would shoot another man in the back doesn’t deserve to be known or remembered .

you miss it ,  don’t you ?

the rules were simpler ,  then .

i don’t have the luxury of getting old and forgetting all the things i’ve done .

i’d like to know the plan before i celebrate it .

they don’t deserve death ,  they deserve to be destroyed .

you look like you need an ambulance .

so we’re dealing with what ,  some kind of hex ?

we need to focus on a cure .

wise words from a leader of tomorrow .

oh ,  great  –  you’ve heard of me .

you listen to me ,  goddammit .

everyone still needs me to keep them safe .

this thing between you and i isn’t over until i say it’s over .

how am i supposed to live a normal life ?  why the fuck would i want to ?

just once i’d like for someone to come in with flowers .

i don’t pick sides .  i’m in it for myself ,  does that sound familiar ?

it’s a compliment .  it’s how we’ve both managed to survive .

noble men do not have the luxury of being neutral in times of war .

i like taking care of you .  i’d be happy to do it for the rest of our lives .

you did something terrible .  but you being you ,  how terrible could it be ?

i come bearing apology beer .

do you wanna hear my sob story ?

i did manage to get my hands on this stupid thing .

you are everything .

hide your kids ,  hide your wives ,  ‘cause we are storming the fucking castle .

can you not do that right now ,  during my rousing speech ?

don’t jump to plan c before we’ve even tried plan a .

wait ,  wait  –  are you sure about this ?

no ,  no  –  GAH ,  I’M GONNA KILL YOU !

i shouldn’t have given up ,  cause that’s what i did .  i gave up .

i let everyone down ,  but today i’m gonna change that .

i need you to kill me .