tripped and spilled politics on my ships

I think people who levy this accusation at zutara fans misunderstand the purpose of romantic tropes. Firstly, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who likes zutara who would call zuko of all people a "bad boy", but on an aesthetic level I can understand this take so I'll use that framework.

What is the appeal of a bad boy in romance? The idea that a man would stop being an asshole. Wish fulfillment in fiction is often a reaction to disappointing realities, and in few places is this more evident than romance- a genre which is almost entirely wish fulfillment. So what wishes does a patriarchal reality create? A man who sucks actually becoming a good person. There's also an aspect of power fantasy to it. The protagonist-the audience surrogate and therefor you- is so alluring, smart, wonderful, etc. that it motivates the love interest to be better.

The reason the love interest has to be a bad person specifically instead of just being okay and then becoming better isn't actually masochism that will inevitably land ETL enjoyers in abusive relationships (something misogynistic KA fans have said) it's because the depth of the change is a measure of how great their love is. Stories thrive on reversals, extremes, and dramatic irony. ETL is chock full of all three.

The "joke" when people accuse zutara of being a bad boy ship (though its really not in any way but the shallowest sense) is the naivete of women who want men to change. "Look how stupid those women are for thinking a man could become better out of love." As if the wish fulfillment driven by patriarchal violence is something to be ashamed of, when the real problem is the society that makes these narratives so popular. It boils down to misogyny yet again.