Life

North Point - Fairfield Porter , 1975.

American , 1907-1975

That is, when an official told you, a rice farmer, that you owed more taxes than you really did, it was very useful if you were good enough at math to know he was lying (and could prove it) and if you were good enough at writing to write a letter to your government defending your case.

Poison being a "woman's weapon" in a disparaging sense. Self defense laws expecting people to act in ways that are only really accessible to men and women who choose to strike at a later time being demonized. Gossiping to turn the community against him and seek refuge that way (plus making sure no other woman is blindsided by his behavior) being seen as trashy.

Initially, he's too worried about how the conversation between his wife and his son is going to really think too much about the enormous hockey player opposite him. But after a few moments he realises that it's too quiet.

It's not that he's expecting Rozanov – Ilya – to be as loud and showboaty as he is in interviews, but he's definitely not expecting the man to be intently staring into his glass like it holds all the secrets of the universe, not moving a single muscle. David is sure this isn't just normal meeting-the-parents nerves. It's terror, like Ilya is scared to do or say anything. Like he's scared it'll provoke David or something.

And suddenly Ilya doesn't seem like an enormous hockey player at all – just a scared kid in a situation he didn't plan for or expect anymore than his son did. After all, David has also accidentally outed him.

He regards Ilya for a moment before clearing his throat.

"So, Ilya, what do you like to eat?"

Ilya's head snaps up and his eyes meet David's.

"I'm sorry?" He says it carefully, like he's waiting for it to be a trick question, and David's heart gives a little pang. What has happened to this kid to make him so suspicious and anxious?

"What's your favourite thing to eat?" David asks with a smile, making sure his voice is as calm and gentle as possible. It feels a bit like he's trying to coax a scared and cornered animal out from under a car. "I think you and Shane should stay for dinner. Since I think we'll be seeing more of you from now on, I'd like to know what kind of food you enjoy so that we can make it for you when you visit. So what can I get you? Burgers? Pasta? We have a pizza oven if you'd like a pizza?"

"Pasta," says Ilya, the corners of his mouth turning up in an encouraging way. "If it's like the pasta Shane makes, I think I will really like that."

"Pasta it is then," says David, smile growing at the way Ilya's shoulders settle. He resolves right then to make sure that Ilya will never feel this terrified in his home again. "Want to help me get it started? Beats sitting here worrying about how the conversation outside is going, right?"

"Right," says Ilya with the first real smile he's ever seen from him. And David sees it then – sees the man that Shane must have seen beneath the bravado, beneath the act.

Also I've seen a lot of bios with something in the lines of "het partnered women DNI" and it makes me laugh so hard because, again, I'm literally almost double your age and if you think I don't have good enough criteria to know who tf I'm dating, then I'll laugh even harder.

Sure, young girls are hypersexualized and will date any loser, but.... that's kind of a part of life too, people fuck up, especially teens and young adults, I know you girlies have a superiority complex and know you're just so much better than the girls who socialize with men, but trust me, you're literally not helping anybody here, I have no clue how tf you're supposed to help other women and make feminist literature if you don't talk to women from all walks of life.

This childish cancel culture is so tiring istg.

"no i won't talk to you because boys have cooties!!!"

This is exactly why so many of us are frustrated with feminists who date men. Because you have this idea that you hold some special knowledge to find a Good Man™️, implying that women who end up with abusive and dangerous men just aren’t as smart as you are.

How can you assure a woman who’s experienced domestic abuse that it wasn’t her fault, because no woman can ever predict if a man will end up being abusive…but then turn around and say “well I have good criteria for the men I date, so I’ll be fine”. Did she not have good enough criteria? Was she too stupid to see red flags? Is she just “hypersexualised and will date any loser” as you said in your post? But you’re better than her, you’ll make a good choice. You’ll find the nicest guy ever who’s super duper feminist and will never lay a hand on you. All those women who ended up unlucky just didn’t have your superior abuse screening skills.

Also, if you think that 4B is about getting women to “give up their love life for literally no reason at all”, you don’t understand the 4B movement and haven’t been listening to feminists. There’s many reasons feminists give for 4B, including but not limited to: there’s really no “love life” to be had in the first place because men are misogynistic, you can never know what man will make you breakfast in bed vs which man will kill you in a fit of rage, you can never know for sure which men are laughing at their friend’s rape jokes or simply staying quiet, and men have spent thousands of years treating women like domestic servants and have not yet unlearned this so a truly equal heterosexual relationship free of this power dynamic is nearly impossible.

It’s not just “boys have cooties”. It’s “men are dangerous to women, and get even more dangerous when they’re romantically/sexually partnered with women. Women and girls should, as a class, refrain from putting themselves in dangerous relationships with them until they—men and boys—work together as a class to stop being a danger to women and girls”.

Because last time I checked, it takes me almost zero effort to find perfectly healthy, sane, friendly and empathetic women to date. They just fucking walk to me every day. Probably one in every three woman would be fine for me to marry (assuming they liked me too), and even then I would exclude the other two only because of inherent interest/value/personality differences, not because there was anything wrong with them otherwise.

But I am supposed to use every single brain cell, observation skill, communicative tool and bit of wisdom stored in me to find a dude that is not a loser?

So heterosexual partnership is only reserved for extremely intelligent and mature women who have the patience and the skills to sift through countless of men?

That would inherently mean most women aren't going to find one, and that's not because most women are stupid or immature, but because THEY WILL QUICKLY RUN OUT OF GOOD MEN.

If only around 1% of straight men are worth dating then trying to be oh-so-clever to find one of those is NOT going to solve the fact that 99% of straight women will be left dating losers. If they choose to stay alone instead, you, out of ANYONE else, should understand why. You went through the lot and ditched them all, didn't you?