l i v e d

Aaron wanted to be able to do what Lorcan was asking of him but finding a way that he was comfortable with was the difficulty. He pushed through it though, knowing that it would be worth it and that Lorcan also deserved that effort no matter how uncomfortable it made him. Could he see himself calling Lorcan his boyfriend? He’d considered seeing if they could make them work as a couple, about asking him out but he’d never really put labels on it. It was a strange thought but equally, he considered the idea of Lorcan calling anyone else that and he realised that he detested that idea more than he could put into words. “Mm… I suppose you are.” Aaron admitted with a little smile as he considered their past encounters. Even when they argued they seemed to fall into bed together and perhaps he’d taken a little too much advantage of how willing Lorcan was without giving consideration to his feelings. “Then maybe we can make this the first of many dates… a belated valentines date?” He offered softly, finally seeming to ease into the moment, the tension in his body slowly melting away. “I don’t promise to be very good at this but if you can accept a work in progress I want to give it us a try.”

“I should be a little pissed at you agreeing since I was meaning it to be a joke, but given the fact that I know I’m pretty weak when it comes to you, I’ll let it slide.” He chuckled, seeing how much this conversation and openness was taking it’s toll on the other. He could tell that Aaron wasn’t used to this kind of vulnerability and talking about how he felt, but it did warm his insides knowing that the other trusted him enough to talk to him about these things. “I’ll take a belated valentines day date, especially since I don’t really like valentines day anyways so this is kind of better in that respect.” Lorcan smiled at the other, moving his hand to cup his jaw so he could place a gentle kiss to his lips. “The last relationship I was in was a disaster, I’m still pretty broken from it, so you’re not the only one who is going to be a work in progress. But we can help each other in making this good, I’m not looking for perfect after all. I’m just looking for someone who makes me feel comfortable and cared for and you already do that.” 

04: Are you insecure about something?

I guess there are quite a few things that I'm insecure about, but I mask it pretty well. Mostly it's when it comes down to romantic relationships and my emotions, but that's due to bad experiences in the past. Or well, just one, incredibly bad experience.

71: What is your earliest memory?

I remember freaking out a little about how I looked exactly the same as Lysander and no other siblings did and being incredibly confused. But I'm not sure what my earliest memory is.

77: Do you like being hugged?

Depends on who it is. If it's someone I'm comfortable with and trust, then yes. If it's a stranger, then no.

There was no disguising the slight discomfort Aaron felt at being put on the spot. He’d been honest about the fact that he wasn’t used to voicing things like this. It’d been a long time since he’d allowed someone close enough to hurt him and he was finally beginning to trust someone enough that he was willing to try opening up to them again. That didn’t make it any more easy however, especially when Lorcan asked him so bluntly. Even if Lorcan couldn’t hear it, Aaron could feel his heart hammering heavily in his chest. “Is that what you’d call me? Your boyfriend?” The dark haired male asked after a moment, rubbing at the back of his head with a soft sound of uneasiness. “I guess you could say this was my way of trying to ask you out, yes. For more than just sex this time.” Because he knew that when he invited Lorcan out in the past it was usually for more carnal urges. “Would you go out with me though?”

Lorcan could tell this wasn’t easy for Aaron, he felt like he could read the other pretty well by now and he felt as the other tenses up under his touch, could almost see the thoughts running through his head about how he was going to answer his questions. How he was going to open up. But he needed this, he was in too deep with his feelings for the other and he needed to know what Aaron wanted when it came to him to stop himself from getting hurt again. “It is, yeah. That’s if you wanted to be that.” Lorcan told the other, giving the dark haired male an out if he wanted it. “I did imagine this was more then just getting me into bed, especially when we both know I’m pretty easy when it comes to you.” He teased, trying to ease some of the tension that was building in the air between them. “I would love to go out with you, Aaron. In fact, it’s all I’ve wanted for a long time now.”

“What? Are you sure?” Vic asked, furrowing her brow in both surprise and confusion, “That doesn’t really sound right. Is that really what they said?”

“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” Lorcan commented, looking down at the chart in his hands to double check. “it’s really what they said, they’ve been dealing with this for months and just thought that ignoring it and taking potions to take away the pain would make things better. It did not. Honestly I’m surprised it’s not as bad as it is.”

For once, Aaron held back on the sarcastic reply that wanted to tumble out of his mouth. It wasn’t the right moment for that, even he knew it as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other seeing Lorcan’s thoughts almost ticking over what he was saying. Or more, what he wasn’t saying and what he was attempting to show. When he was pulled down into a kiss, Aaron automatically removed his hands from his pockets to place them on the males waist in an almost featherlight touch. The action caused a small smile to bloom across his lips once their mouths parted, relieved to hear that what he’d done had pleased Lorcan. “As long as you like it.” He stated quietly, brushing their noses together for a moment. “I’m not very good at talking about things, especially feelings… I’m not sure I’m much better at expressing them this way either.” A hand motioned to the current decor. “But I wanted to try for you because you do deserve it. Turns out you make me want to try a lot of things I’m not exactly comfortable or good with.” There was no one more deserving in Aaron’s eyes. Aaron was somewhat awkward and still not really saying anything but the fact he’d gone to the effort to show it said more. 

Lorcan felt like he was holding his breath as he listened to Aaron talk, he didn’t want to read too much into it, but given all the effort Aaron had gone through to do something special for him, the things he had shared with him and of course saying he wanted to try a lot of things with him. Well, it was hard not to read into what it all meant. “When you say you want to try things with me, what does that entail?” He asked, voice soft as he continued to remain in the others space. “Because all of this makes it seem like you want me, us- together.” Lorcan continued to talk, knowing that if he didn’t get the words out now, he never would. “This is very much something a boyfriend would do, is that what you want to be? My boyfriend?”

“I’m sure some would dispute that definition of friendship, but you do you I guess,” she laughed, knowing he didn’t actually ever mean her any harm when he was pushing her buttons. It was always in good fun and she knew that if he was ever actually making her uncomfortable, she could tell him and he’d dial it down no questions asked. “You’re right, it does feel that way,” Lucy had to agree with the other. “Way to change your tune on a sickle, hmm?” she couldn’t resist teasing. “I’m serious though, I don’t mind trying to help you out however I can.”

“I’m sure they would, but something tells me if the tables were turned they might use it to get out of sticky situation.” When the other teased him he couldn’t help but hold his hands up in defense, “I’ve been resorted to hiding under a desk, I think I’d be grateful to anyone who would help me out with hits, it just makes it even more special that it’s you. I wouldn’t be so generous to other people like I would to you as well, like right now I think I owe you like ten really big favors for this. Need anyone to cover your shift, then I guess I’m your guy.” Though he had a feeling he might regret saying that at a later date.

There was a moments awkward pause where Aaron really didn’t know quite what to say but he nodded somewhat stiffly at the question. “Plan was to do it for Valentines for you… Assuming you weren’t already busy but then things happened and I wasn’t around…” The dark haired man trailed off for a moment, hands clasped in the pockets of his jeans, partly to stop himself from fidgeting. “It’s kind of a thank you… sort of anyway. For everything. If you’d rather I didn’t I can get rid of most of the stuff and we can just do dinner. I guess I went a little over the top.” He admitted but he hadn’t known what to do, only that he’d wanted to make it special. To make it mean something for Lorcan. To show him that he was important because it seemed like he’d not got too much of that and Aaron certainly hadn’t done a very good job of showing how much the other meant to him. “Or I can leave.” That was another option he’d not really offered up until that point.

“You were planning to do it on Valentines.” He spoke to himself, repeating the others words and letting them sink into his brain, feeling a wash of emotions overcome him, thinking that his feelings may not have been one-sided after all. Because if the other went through this much effort and trouble for him and the fact he had wanted to do it all on Valentine’s day, well that had to mean something, right? “No- no, this is.... No one has ever done anything like this for me before and I guess I’m just trying to let it all sink in.” Lorcan told the other, never having felt as cared for as he did right now. He walked over to the other, closing the distance between them as he pulled the other down into a kiss. “I don’t want you to leave and I don’t want you to get rid of any of this, it wasn’t over the top it’s-... it’s amazing. Thank you.” He smiled, “I’m still not sure I deserve all of this.” He chuckled slightly.

As much as Aaron loved his family and, despite all his complaints would have done anything for them, the timing on them needing him couldn’t have been any worse. It wasn’t as though they had planned it of course but it still felt like a kick in the teeth when he’d been trying so hard to do something nice and yes— romantic for someone for a change. Maybe he should have taken it as some sort of sign that he ought to have simply given up on the idea. He’d already told himself a thousand times that getting attached to someone was no a good idea given his past experiences and yet here he was making an effort. Aaron just reasoned that after everything Lorcan had put up with where he was concerned, especially the night where he’d brought him back to his flat when he’d got wasted and listened to a good amount of his issues, that the least he could do was make Valentines day special for him. Assuming he had no one else to spend it with of course. As it was that had gone down the drain however, and he was now forced to simply do it on a different day. 

Having it on good authority that Lorcan was working that day, Aaron had let himself into the mans apartment early on so that he had the chance to do everything he wanted to. If there was anything to be said about not celebrating on Valentines day, it was that it was significantly less costly to do it afterwards. Though he felt a little idiotic attempting to be romantic, Aaron still went through with it, decorating the different rooms with flowers, candles and petals. The coffee table was set with soda and what would soon be melted chocolate and different dipping foods in bowls. There were cushions and warm blankets spread out with a huge projector screen on the other side of the room. Currently it had music playing on low and was just playing photos. Elsewhere in the apartment the bath had been filled with scented bubble bath, the rose petals that had been scattered everywhere were also floating on the water, the lights not needed in the glow of the candlelight. It was the cooking that seemed to permeate the air the most however, where Aaron was currently hovering over their dinner; foods he could remember Lorcan saying he enjoyed. 

The door opening caught his attention, that ball of anxiety about how this would play out tightening in Aaron’s stomach, making him feel a little sick quite honestly, especially given the fact he hadn’t seen the male since he got back but he turned the heat down on the food so it didn’t burn, moving to the doorway, leaning on it so that the blonde couldn’t get past. “Hey… Welcome home.”

@lorcxnscxmxnder​

Walking along to his flat door he couldn’t help but feel his stomach growl slightly upon smelling whatever it was someone was cooking for their dinner, it smelt incredible and he was a little jealous given the fact he knew he probably only had minimal ingredients in his kitchen and was probably just going to whip up a simple pasta. Putting his key in the door and opening it up, he then realized that the smell was coming from his own place. Not only did it smell incredible but the further he walked into his home the more he noticed that things were a lot different from when he left that morning. There were candles flickering on various surfaces, candles, what looked like a fondue pot on his coffee table, and what looked like a picnic set up on his floor. He felt a little speechless, his hand still clutching the strap of his bag and his keys as he took everything in. When he heard a voice he couldn’t help but jump slightly, being dragged out of his thoughts by Aaron leaning against the doorway of his kitchen, “You-... Erm... Hi.” Lorcan chuckled, still in shock as he tried to take everything in again. “This is-... You did all of this for me?” He asked, knowing that probably wasn’t the first thing he should say. He hadn’t seen the other since he got back from America, he should have greeted him properly but he felt stunned.

“No, no, I’m fine. Really. This looks worse than it is and it’ll surely disappear in a day or two, so there’s really no point in making a big deal out of it,” Nick quickly explained. He supposed he could let Lorcan have a look, but it was really nothing. Worse things happened to people all the time and it was just a simple bruise. 

“Are you sure? You look like you’ve got quite a bit of shiner there. How did it happen?” He asked, seemingly not being able to step out of his shoes as a healer and feeling slightly concerned for the other’s face. “You do know some tonic will have it clearing up in a couple of hours if you don’t want to go around with it for days.”

“Of course, of course. You’re going to make me feel absolutely awful for every little giggle that has left my lips, I have no doubts about that,” Lucy shook her head with a soft laugh. “I mean… I’m sure somebody’s in to that. You’d be surprised. I don’t like to think about it too much because people’s interests can freak me out,” she added with a brief grimace. “Curse them indeed,” Lucy laughed brightly at his response. “You know what? After everything I’ve put you through in the past five minutes– sure. Send him my way if it really gets too much.”

“Oh totally, I feel like it’s my duty as my friend to make you feel all kinds of guilt.” Lorcan continued to tease the other, knowing he wouldn’t do such a thing to the other and give him a week and have the intern out of his sights and he’d probably be laughing at this situation as well. “You’re probably right.” He grimaced slightly, “I’m all for people liking what they like, but I think when you’re in that profession it just feels a little.... wrong.” Because what they did was serious, it could be life or death some days and it shouldn’t be something taken lightly. “Shit. Really?” He asked the other. “Have I told you how much I love you lately and how you’re the best.”

He wasn’t surprised he supposed, not really. Given the others line of work and the fact that they did spend quite a bit of time together these days, Lorcan was probably more likely than most to notice those differences and how erratic he could be sometimes. Honestly, Aaron didn’t know right now if the other not saying anything was a good or a bad thing. Sometimes he felt as if he needed someone to remind him that there was a line he shouldn’t cross or someone to confide in, but equally, he wasn’t sure he could trust himself not to bite Lorcan’s head right off his shoulders if he had brought it up, that stubborn side of him seeing it as none of the others business. It was a thin line as to which way Aaron fell considering he’d always seen himself as someone who was better off handling things alone. For whatever reason though, the idea of Lorcan being there didn’t fill him with dread. It felt good to have him listening.  When the blondes hand brushed over his jaw, instinctively Aaron leaned into it. Aaron wasn’t certain anyone else would describe him as having any charm whatsoever but of course Lorcan seemed to think differently. Lorcan was different and Aaron was glad of it.

The man had been actively avoiding kissing the blonde up until that point, in part because he probably tasted like cheap alcohol but also because he didn’t want Lorcan to assume he was expecting their usual, however the others words had him dipping in to capture Lorcan’s lips in a firm but tender kiss as his hand moved to slip around the others waist. He let his lips linger close when they parted tired eyes locking with the others mismatched irises. “I’ll tell you more, just… It’s a lot to think about.” He stated softly, attempting to separate all his thoughts. “I had someone who meant a lot to me too but he’s not around anymore. Didn’t want anything to do with me after everything. I fucked it up badly Lor… I don’t want that be be what happens with here. I can’t watch you go though something like that.” 

Lorcan guessed he should have anticipated the kiss, especially given the intimate moment the two of them seemed to be wrapped up in, as kisses between them went it was both the best and the worst. The worst due to the taste of whatever the other had been drinking still lingering on his lips and leaving a sour taste in his mouth and the best because it felt like it held a lot of weight. Lorcan knew this was as far as it would go, just a kiss because he had said something that made the other feel the need to kiss him. He was also coming to realize that he couldn’t keep telling himself that all this was to him was sex and witty comments, the feeling that he had been trying to push down were far too strong to ignore, but he still felt like he couldn’t tell Aaron bluntly how he felt in case the other shrugged him off and told him that this was not what this was. What they were. 

“It’s okay, you can take as much time as you need.” He whispered, his thumb rubbing over the others cheekbone as he listened to him, wanting the other to know that he didn’t have to tell him everything tonight. When Aaron continued, he could feel himself chewing on his inner cheek out of habit, “It’s not going to happen, Aaron. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He told the other. “And I know you’re going to probably tell me that I say this now and how do I know for certain.” Lorcan commented, focusing on the movement of his hands to focus on anything but the others face in that moment. “But I can tell you I’m certain because I’ve been in a situation before, where I was stuck with someone who didn’t treat me kindly. It took me years to get out of a relationship filled with abuse and hatred and I-... well I wouldn’t put myself in a situation again where I felt like something like that could happen again.” He confessed to the other. “I know you won’t hurt me, not on purpose. Even if you fuck up, you’re human and you’re allowed mistakes and it feels about time that you have someone by your side to help you through it all. I can be that person, if you want me to be.”

“You’ve picked up on things?” Aaron was a little curious as to that but he knew that most people probably didn’t realise, Lorcan happened to spend more time around him than most and he seemed to pay more attention. “But yeah… it’s not good… never is. I’m not… when I drink I’m not very pleasant…” He shook his head a little before Lorcan and before Lorcan had the chance to say it, Aaron decided to finish the sentence off for him. “Or even less pleasant than I already am. I know.” It wasn’t as though he was unaware that he could be difficult to be around, it was just a good way to get people to keep their distance most of the time. Aaron gave a heavy sigh, eyes closing, feeling weighted from a long day though he hadn’t broken contact with Lorcan’s arm. “Mhm… not entirely sure why I do trust you so much but I do.” It was strange how at ease Lorcan made him to the point where whilst he wasn’t fond of talking about his past, he still felt as though he could around the man. 

Lorcan wasn’t sure if he had said the right thing there, suddenly feeling a little nervous, especially when all of the others attention was on him. “Erm... yeah, a little.” Lorcan commented, “Just a few things here and there which did make me wonder if there was... something.” Because he wasn’t sure what it was, but he had noticed the other didn’t tend to be fond of big crowds and parties and tried to stay away from drinking. But when he did drink, he tended to go from zero to one hundred really fast. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” Lorcan told the other when the other seemed to stopping, “You’re plenty pleasant, I kind of like how brooding and grumpy you are. It’s part of your charm.” He chuckled, running his hand over the others jaw for a moment. “I’m glad you trust me. It means a lot that you do.” Lorcan told the other, watching the other for a moment, his face softening. “You mean a lot to me, Aaron.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if the roles are ever reversed in the future,” she tapped her temple but a less than serious look on her face as she was just messing with him. “I mean tons of people find the whole ‘person in uniform’ thing attractive, I wouldn’t say healers scrubs or robes are excluded,” Lucy shrugged. “Plus maybe they just found you attractive in your way of explaining things? I mean you’re a handsome man, Lorc,” she didn’t feel uncomfortable reminding him given that he was gay, she was taken and she was just stating a fact as far as she was concerned. “I think you can absolutely get through the two weeks. But if you do really feel like you need an out, maybe it is worth pretending like it’s part of the program to be passed onto another healer. You know, for learning purposes?”

“When they do end up reversed, I’ll be nothing but a saint to you. I’ll be so sympathetic to your cause that you’ll look back to this time and feel bad that you ever laughed at me.” Lorcan scrunched his nose up at the others words, “Well at least it’s the uniform and not the whole, my life is in your hands thing. Because that’s kind of a weird turn on.” He continued through a grumble, listening as the other called him handsome and letting out a sigh. “Curse my good looks.” He joked, a small flicker of an amused smile on his lips. “So, does that mean I can pass him onto you if it get’s too much? Are you going to volunteer to be my get out of jail free card?”

Aaron felt like the only thing that was sobering up was his mood but he supposed again, that the cause of that change was entirely down the man in front of him. “You do know we usually end up close in bed.” At least from experience Aaron had woken up to the pair of them curled up together. Sure, it was the follow up to what usually began as sex but Aaron couldn’t say he disliked the experience. “I’m pretty sure if that happens I’d be plenty warm enough.” He stated as his eyes slowly tracked the mans movements. Sure, they weren’t as clear as normal but he was still giving Lorcan his attention. It was hard to know where to start with everything really. It was hardly a normal or enjoyable bedtime story that lulled one into sleep. Still, he sighed heavily, rubbing the tiredness away from his eyes for a moment before turning on his side to face Lorcan, one hand moving to trace along his arm lightly, giving him something to focus on. “I don’t drink.” It seemed as good a starting point as any to explain the situation they were currently in. “Because when I start I can’t stop.”

“I’m still failing to see the problem here, unless you’re trying to tell me that your breath smells rancid, then I’m probably going to make you go brush your teeth before you fall asleep.” Lorcan pointed out to the other, hearing everything Aaron was saying to him but still not understanding the issue that seemed to come with the two of them sharing a bed. Lorcan’s eyes moved to where the others hand was on his arm, soothing patterns being drawn on his skin causing it to prickle slightly at the connection, but knowing it was an anchor for the other as he spoke. “I-... I had a feeling. I wasn’t sure though, there’s been things that I’ve picked up on.” Lorcan confessed to the other. “But thank you, for trusting me enough to tell me that. I know it can’t be easy.”

“I know that…” It wasn’t at all what he was getting at in the least. Aaron was well aware that sharing a bed with him when he was like this probably wasn’t a pleasant experience and it’s not as though Lorcan owed him a couch even, never mind the comfort of his bed. “I just didn’t think it would be that pleasant of a situation for you.” Came the explanation a moment later though he wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity, especially since right now, Lorcan’s presence seemed to be providing the most comfort to him. Aaron had already been partway through undressing himself when the clothes were dumped on the bed beside him and he raised an eyebrow. “Yeah… they will be a little tight.” He stated, but he didn’t really think he had room to argue considering the man was letting him stay the night. Taking the necessary time to pull them on, Aaron finally slipped under the covers, letting his head fall back against the wall for a moment or two. “What did you want to know?” Came the quiet question a moment later. “About everything.”

“What because you’re drunk?” Lorcan asked the other, “I think you’ve been sobering up since I collected you and I can’t say it’s an unpleasant situation.” Lorcan told the other, because he couldn’t find any situation in which the other was lying asleep next to him as being unpleasant. Not that Aaron would ever know that, or the feelings he had for the other. Especially if the other only saw him as a friend. “If they’re uncomfortable you don’t have to wear them, just thought you might be a little cold with just your underwear on.” He shrugged before making a move to change himself, pulling on similar clothes to the other before turning when the other spoke. “How about you start from the beginning and tell me as much as you want to share. I won’t push you for more.” Lorcan told the other, pausing for a moment and biting down on his lip. “And in return you can ask me anything you want to know as well. It doesn’t have to be tonight, but to show I appreciate you being honest with me and letting me see you in a vulnerable state, you can. I trust you.” He told the other before slipping in under the covers beside him.

It seemed strange to Aaron that Lorcan trusted him. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve that given how he’d treated him in the past. Sure, he wasn’t always nasty or rude, but more often than not there tended to be a coldness to his tone and a bitterness when he spoke. It just perplexed him that Lorcan had found a way to trust him beyond all that. “I’m getting that impression.” The dark haired man admitted when Lorcan commented on being stubborn. Aaron had never quite been able to shake him off, right from that very first meeting and then despite all outward appearances where he made comments, Aaron had actually stopped trying because he enjoyed his company and wanted him around. There would always be nights like tonight where he didn’t want anyone around him but that wasn’t because of Lorcan and all because of what he became when he got into these slumps. 

What Aaron wasn’t expecting was to be pulled in the direction of the bedroom when Lorcan suggested they go to bed. “You want me to sleep in here?” He felt the need to clarify, looking at the man for a moment. “I can crash on the couch you know.”

“We’ve shared a bed on several occasions, Aaron.” Lorcan had to comment and resist the urge to roll his eyes, “Just because we’re not going to have sex tonight doesn’t mean we can’t sleep in the same bed. It’s fine.” And he tried to not let it slip that if the other ended up crashing on the couch he would spend most of the night casting his mind to him and being tempted to join him despite it being far too small for the two of them. When Lorcan returned he placed a glass of water and some aspirin on the bedside table before moving to his closet and drawers, rummaging around before pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. “I know they’re going to be far too small for you, but I’m not having you in my bed smelling like a bar, so please, change.”