this is what makes us girls

It’s most definitely a thing. Plus, it’s like Ohio-levels of intense. I mean, I’m rich and white. I should be mega popular here. But the rumor mill churns out one little story about me and a teacher and suddenly I’m Hester Prynne. 

Welcome to hell.

Whether or not rumor is true, it shouldn’t have ruined your reputation like that. I’m sorry. But some of these people on top don’t seem to have the cleanest records, it doesn’t seem very fair.

Oh, yeah, I knew that… I was just… joking. 

Just as long as I can show off the goods, I’m down. That’s everyone else’s halloween treat. 

Of course you were...you know, you’re lucky you have amazing abs.

I’m very aware of the depravity that’s being normalized in California at the moment. 

It’s becoming more of a pirate colony than Rhode Island. 

It’s really not that serious, Quinn. Maybe you should try it, it would help you let loose a little. 

Jamie would be a super hot Batman - good call.

He seemed very into the idea, though he’ll probably make his own modifications to show off. I just reminded him that no one is allowed to touch. You really can’t trust the girls around here, you know?

Girl, come on.  He can be Where’s Waldo.  Just think about how cute it’d be.  AND CLEVER, but I’ll even let you take the credit.

See, you are just so much more clever than I am. Unfortunately, it seems that Jamie is attached to our Batman and Catwoman. Maybe next year though.

I’m pretty much a genius when it comes to Halloween costumes for anyone but myself. I get it from my brother. 

Eartha Kitt and Michelle Pfeiffer. The two most iconic Catwomen. If you’re gonna do the costume it has to be inspired by one of them.

Well thank you for lending your expertise. I really appreciate it. All my gay friends in California are too busy this time of year. But I’m glad to know that the Ohio Gays can be counted on.

We have both. If there’s one thing midwestern moms like, it’s makeup. Even if most of them are getting it from pyramid schemes. 

Well, bad press can be good press for someone like you. Thanks for being so forthcoming about your drug use. On the internet. In public. I’m sure there are plenty of burnouts ready to welcome you into their fold. 

Well, you seem pretty cool too! Oh, of course – I’m sorry. Gleeks are the people in Glee Club. We’re kind of at the bottom of the social pyramid because the people at this school somehow think that being passionate about something is lame. You’ll learn soon enough, though. It was super confusing for me too when I transferred to McKinley, but cliques are quite a big deal around here, so they kind of force that knowledge down your throat. 

This place just gets curiouser and curiouser. So Gleeks are the bottom and I’m guessing Cheerleaders and Jocks on top? What does that even mean nowadays? 

The point is kinda to hear the movie. Not to listen to the couple next to you swapping spit for 90 minutes. 

Aren’t you like popular here? I don’t think it’ll be very good for your reputation to be hanging out with a skank like me. You may be giving up your seat on prom court.

Well, excuse you.

Well the good news is there are new costumes coming out every year for girls who want to dress up and humor themselves.

Right. Like I said, I was looking for actual suggestions since it’s easy to say I want to be a slutty girl and put on cat ears, a short skirt, and be done. But I think I’m actually doing Catwoman and forcing Jamie to be Batman anyways.

Damn, guess we’re takin’ a trip to Italy then. I’ll steal Smythe’s wallet. 

Oh, we’re doing the couples thing? I usually just wear clean boxer briefs and some kind of hat, like sexy cowboy, sexy firefighter, sexy undertaker, but I’m open to any of your ideas as long as I get to be shirtless.

...you do realize that I’m from Venice Beach, right? Did you really think I was from Venice, Italy?

get this: where in the world is carmen sandiego?

love it?  loooove it?

I adore it. Finally someone with an actual suggestion, however one small problem...I need Jamie to have a matching costume. Does Carmen Sandiego have a boyfriend and/or male counterpart? 

Might I suggest a different Selina? Kyle, that is. You’d make an iconic Catwoman, and Jamie is about the only guy at this school beefy enough to pull of Batman. 

Just as long as you don’t do the Halle Berry costume. Stick with Eartha or Michelle. 

An unexpected but actually pretty amazing idea. I’d look bomb as hell in a tight suit and Jamie would probably love to be Batman. I like the way your brain works, kid.

Luckily, both of those are located in our one and only mall. I’m more of a Nordstrom girl, myself, but Urban is an understandable bias given your west coast sensibilities. 

It’s Quinn, though I’m sure you know that by now. Congrats on making Homecoming Princess so early into your tenure here at McKinley. And scoring Jamie Pierce. You wouldn’t happen to be interested in cheerleading, would you? A girl like you would definitely fit in with our squad members if you had the moves.

One mall? That’s so sad. Please tell me that there’s at least both a Sephora and Ulta in this town or I’ll have to start a petition.