joe dirt's wife 🧡

"Roman, are you sure?" Leaning forward to peer out the windshield, Natalie grimaced at the big, dark grey sky that loomed over them. It looked threatening and moody. Maybe she was just looking for an excuse to get out of this situation. She sucked a breath in through her teeth and said, "I really don't like the look of those clouds."

"Yes, I'm fucking sure. As soon as you told me you can't drive, I was sure. I've never been more sure of anything in my goddamn life." He motioned for her to get out of the passenger side as he opened the car door.

"It just makes me nervous! Like, it's too much responsibility for my life and the lives of others. In fact, I actually like taking the bus and walking the rest of the way to work! It's not that bad, seriously."

"Uh huh, come on. Shoo. Get out." He gave her an expectant look while she stayed seated for a few extra seconds. "We're not leaving until you take me around this parking lot a few times. Listen to your boss, now, go on."

Natalie let out a defeated sigh, realizing she was sort of trapped with no way out. She eventually did as she was told and hopped out to switch places with him. "Says the one who is rich enough to have people drive him around anywhere and anytime he wants."

After blowing a raspberry as he passed her, he retorted, "I still know how to drive, though. So, I have the upper hand here, I think."

"Everything is a goddamn big dick competition with you, isn't it?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure I beat you there, too. Last I checked. So, the score is what now? Me two and you zero? Yeesh. That's gotta sting. Hope you recover soon." He grabbed her hand while he kept babbling insults and placed it on the gear shift. Squeezing her fingers, he guided her actions. "Alright, now let's put this fucker in 'drive' and get going."

She pulled away from him and huffed, acting frustrated with him. In actuality, she was trying to hide that she was feeling uneasy about it all. The threat of a rainstorm, her lack of driving experience, and the fact that she ditched work early to be in a very expensive car alone with someone who is technically her boss. It was weirdly uncomfortable for her. She had every chance to fight it, too, and she didn't. Just like always whenever it came to Roman.

As she timidly grabbed the wheel, she asked herself who was the bigger fool: him or her?

"Come on! Go, go, go!" Roman waved his hands frantically, pulling Natalie away from her troubled thoughts. "Get me the fuck outta here! No time like the present! Hop to it! Chop, chop, Little Miss Only-Has-a-Permit-so-She-Can-Drink!"

"Okay, okay! Fuck me, do you ever shut up?" Clumsily, she started to drive away. It was painfully obvious that she was very inexperienced. She wasn't kidding when she confessed to him earlier that she really had no idea what she was doing. Every few seconds, she'd step on the brake and anxiously express that he should not have so much faith in her. Roman would merely dismiss her whining and command her to keep going.

He giggled at how carefully she was treating this whole thing. It was like watching a newborn fawn taking its first few wobbly steps on shaking legs. Cute in a sort of pitiful way. Hoping to encourage her, he said, "If you're any good, I'll fire my old driver and hire you as my new one. Pretty sweet deal, right?"

"Something tells me that suicide would be a lot more fun."

"Twat."

"Cocksucker."

"The offer's there for you. Just saying." He cleared his throat and gestured towards the empty parking lot in front of them. "So, come on! Keep going! I don't pay you to sit around and do nothing."

Natalie scoffed and mumbled, "Yeah, actually, you do."

Roman completely ignored her quip and drummed his hands on the dashboard. All while he kept barking orders at her. "You can pick up the pace a little bit, you know that, right? We don't have to crawl. This isn't a school zone. Woah, shit, okay, maybe not that much! Jesus. Got a fuckin' need for speed already?"

"My God," Natalie groaned loudly, hitting the brake a bit too hard before shooting him a glare. "You sound just like my mother."

"You mean the one you don't talk to?"

"No," she tried to start again and cringed as a few raindrops hit the roof. Every second of this felt like torture. How was this something everyone had to rely on everyday? "That's my father. I call my mom from time to time. Texting is…easier, I guess? Fuck! Quit distracting me!"

"You should be grateful that you're with me." He leaned over to trigger the windshield wipers. In those few short moments where they were close, he got the faintest whiff of her sweet, peachy perfume. The one she always wore. It was nice how familiar it was. "If it was some random jagoff driving instructor, you would've failed instantly for admitting to that."

Slumping against the seat, she forcefully exhaled and squeezed her eyes shut. "Yeah, lucky me. Instead, I'm just stuck with you. A well known jackass, Twitter warrior, and my so-called boss. Who graciously took it upon himself to teach little ole me how to drive today. Me, a nobody. Does your generosity know no bounds, sir?"

Dramatically, he placed his hands on his chest and gasped loudly. "Harsh! How your words wound me!"

She opened her mouth to say something equally as sarcastic, but a loud crash of thunder beat her to it. They both immediately quit their bickering so they could listen closely and see if anything else would happen. Just a few seconds later, rain started to rapidly come down. Knowing she was not ready to drive in this weather, she awkwardly pulled the car over and parked it.

"See? Look at that!" Natalie pointed at the storm, feeling somewhat proud of herself for being right for once. She basically had to yell at him so that she could be heard from over the storm. "I told you it would rain. You doubted me, but I told fucking you!"

"Yeah, yeah, you can masturbate to that later. Come on. Get out." He opened the passenger door and waved her away like he did ealier when they first started.

She stayed put with her hands on the wheel. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Trading places. I'll drive us back since you're too chicken shit." Roman waved his finger in her face and smirked a little. "Don't think you're getting away that easy. I will have us back here so you can feel like a real grown up. Mark my words, Missy."

"You're gonna drive in this weather? Are you sure—?"

He rolled his eyes and pointed at himself. "Yes, in this. I'll show you how it's done. Driver's license, remember?"

Not wanting to argue anymore, she followed his lead. As soon as she stepped out of the vehicle, the rain started to fall harder. It was soon a complete downpour. In the few short seconds she was outside, her clothes were immediately soaked through. Natalie yelped and rushed to get back into the car, her glasses fogging up instantly. Droplets of water beaded at the ends of her hair and dripped on to her already sopping wet skirt.

Roman wasn't spared, either. His hair, slick from the storm, clung to his forehead. His clothes shared a similar fate to hers. Both looked like they just took a jump headfirst in the deep end of the pool. Small puddles formed under them on the nice, leather seats. He told himself he'd worry about them later because trying not to crash was the top priority right now. But, the more time that passed, the worse the weather got. It eventually came to a point where even he, the very experienced driver he claimed to be, didn't feel comfortable trying to drive back to the building in these conditions.

Finally, after parking the car, he mumbled, "Guess we'll just wait this out. Fuckin' figures."

"I suppose so." Natalie hummed, taking off her glasses and squinting at the now blurry world. "So much for 'Oh, I'll show you how it's done,' huh? Mr. Grown Up with a Driver's License?"

"Fuck off."

She gave him a smug look and set her glasses on top of the dashboard. A few droplets slid off the lenses and decorated the golden frames. Almost like jewels. Not that she could see them very well.

Then, noticing that she was shivering, Roman turned the heat on. She mumbled a quiet "thank you," and chuckled a little to herself. It took a few moments for the car to warm up, but it didn't take long for Natalie to relax. It was all starting to feel comfortable. A drastic change compared to how things started.

"Here," he suddenly reached over to wipe a bit of smudged eyeliner right under her eye.

"Oh, thanks."

He should've removed his hand after he cleaned it up. He knew it, too. Every rational part inside of him was screaming to pull away. Instead of listening to that little voice, he kept it on her cheek. Her skin was cold from the rain still, but started to warm up under his palm. Roman told himself it was just from his touch, but it was getting hard to ignore the faint pink that painted her face and complimented her freckles oh so nicely.

She stared at him with wide eyes. He could see them so well without her glasses. Funny how their color almost matched his. "Roman?"

In a flash, his lips were on hers. He didn't think anymore, he just acted. Acted upon feelings he failed to ignore since the moment he found himself in her tiny little office hidden away in the corner of that floor. The very feelings he swore to himself didn't exist for far too long. The ones he told himself were too much, too scary, too complicated. His hands were everywhere and nowhere at the same time. They flailed about before eventually holding onto her shoulders. He gripped them tightly as if she'd slip away if he didn't. Like he had to keep her in place for this.

To his surprise, Natalie held on to him back. She tilted her head slightly so that the angle was more comfortable for them both. Eagerly, he accepted and kissed her even harder. Her fingers found themselves getting tangled in his dark, damp hair. Her nails lightly scratched against his scalp, making him tremble slightly. It wasn't a sensation he was used to. He wanted to be, though. He wanted to get acquainted with all that horrifying, overwhelming, mushy stuff that usually made his stomach churn just thinking about it.

But only if it was with her.

Once his head started to get too busy and loud, he abruptly pushed her away, ending their shared moment. The faintest taste of her chapstick remained on his lips. He resisted the urge to keep licking it off.

The entire car was silent again. They stayed still, staring at each other with confused looks. Did that really happen? Was it a shared hallucination or folie a deux?

Natalie grabbed her glasses and put them back on. Pointing out the window, she mumbled, "Huh, the rain let up."

"Uh huh," he quickly put the car in 'drive' and peeled away. The wheels screeched slightly and he grimaced. Maybe he wasn't as good as driving as he thought.

"Well," she cleared her throat before laughing. "I feel like I've learned a lot from this. Like, a lot."

Roman nodded and refused to look in her direction again. "Uh, yeah, me too. A great little learning moment for us both, huh?"

"Definitely."

Not another word was spoken until they arrived back at Waystar. Natalie attempted to say goodbye, but awkwardly stumbled over her words so it came out as a garbled mess. Giving up, she slowly inhaled before she forced herself to get out of the car and rush back to work.

This felt like a great moment for him to call out, "Hey! You can't, like, report me, can you? I mean, who does HR go to when they need HR of their own?"

"Are you kidding me?" At least things didn't seem to change between them too much. "If I haven't reported you yet, what makes you think I'm gonna any time soon?"

He chewed on her answer for a few seconds. "Good point. Uh, that was, uh, nice. No, it was great. No, I mean, this was—fuck you! Go to work, you slacker! I can totally have you fired. Don't test me."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Mr. Roy."

She headed back inside alone, but every step felt like she was walking on air. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she had to act like nothing was really the matter besides getting stuck in the rain. He was right. She was lucky she wasn't paired up with some random driving instructor today.

tag list: @bobmckenzie @butchcena @catships777

@w-erewolf @numyletinis @informants-little-wonder

taglist (PLEASE ASK TO BE ADDED OR REMOVED! communicate with me!):

@roseyjustice @horromcom @jocelynships @gibles-lovely-selfships @freak4floves

@jpeg-indulgence @kissunderneaththeradar @erikslover @mrs-goemio @thespian-wallflower

In many times when Bobby got in trouble with the law for arson, fighting, burglary, etc, Minx was often bailing him out with Evelyn (Bobby's mom) with his chore money. So one week after Bobby and Minx go on a techinally "date" (they have a situationship until they're adults & get together), getting photo booth strips (like shown above) after seeing a movie; Bobby gets arrested for almost burning a classmates house down because they were targeting Jerry for a stupid reason. Of course, Minx had to bail him out with Evelyn. Days later, when Minx avoids Bobby for days, a habit he has when he's mad at him; Bobby climbs through Minx's window and leaves an envelope and somewhat heartfelt letter with the extra photo strip the machine put out from the photobooth to make amends in his own way.

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(There was gonna be a fic but tumblr fucked me in the ass and decided 'we dont support this format'.... eye twitch)

[Disclaimer: in the photo edit above, it is NOT d*vid from fear. It is my interpretation of young bobby mercer. Young m*rk in this movie is how I picture him. - i do not support m*rk, neither should you]

eats jimmy's cake!!!

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